A Family By Any Other Name
by an-alternate-world
Summary: Kurt hadn't known what to expect from his first year at college. He thought it would be difficult with the workload and being apart from Blaine, but he tried not to have too many expectations. Even if he had, he couldn't have envisioned it like this..
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** A Family By Any Other Name  
><strong>Author:<strong> an-alternate-world  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M  
><strong>CharactersPairings:** Kurt/Blaine  
><strong>Word count:<strong> 5,782  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Kurt hadn't known what to expect from his first year at college. He thought it would be difficult with the workload and being apart from Blaine, but he tried not to have too many expectations. Even if he had, he couldn't have envisioned it like this..  
><strong>WarningsSpoilers: **No spoilers because the story builds on the prequel, _A Sibling By Any Other Name_. If you haven't read that, you'll definitely want to because this probably won't make a heck of a lot of sense. As for **warnings**, ANGST ANGST ANGST.  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I am in no way associated with _Glee, FOX_, Ryan Murphy or anything else related to the _Glee _universe.

**A/N: **I don't usually put author's notes at the beginning but I just wanted to say a few things before we get started. Firstly, this story begins about six months after ASBAON finished, because I just want to skip the latter half of Season 3 because I can. Next, there is a _lot_ of angst in this story. I'm not even kidding. If you thought ASBAON broke your heart, it's nothing compared to this. I fully expect I'll probably get hate-filled messages at how many times I make people cry. If it's any consolation, I've cried while writing it. So please, _please_ know there's a lot of angst. I've tried to remove major triggers but just, y'know, handle this story with delicacy and care and if you need someone to talk to, I'm _always_ here or on Tumblr and willing to talk. The other thing to take note of is that this is predominantly told from _Kurt's_ POV and focalised through him. There are times that it shifts, and you'll see why when it happens, but whereas the original was Blaine's story, this is Kurt's.

Secondly, another thing I don't usually do is dedications because I feel sometimes it's tacky, but I truly owe a debt to _**Cass** and **Kate**_ for hearing out my ideas, calming me down when I was grumpy with writer's block at parts, flailing with me, giving me their thoughts, and for being fabulous friends. Thank you.

And with that, hold onto your tissues and settle in. It's going to be a bumpy ride!

* * *

><p>Burt harboured no illusions of what his son and his step-son were going to get up to in Florida for two weeks. He had <em>hopes<em>, maybe, but he knew they were in vain. Carole often heard his whispered rants at night as he worried and fretted, until she soothed him with a hand over his heart and a kiss to his cheek.

"How old were _you_ when you started?" she asked once before she turned the light off.

"That's not the point! He's my little boy and-"

"And he's going to college in a mere month and a half," Carole hushed. "I'm sure your parents worried about you getting up to the exact stuff when you were Kurt's age. At least we know Blaine, we trust Blaine, we know he'll take care of Kurt and Kurt will take care of him."

Burt grunted as he wrapped his arm around Carole. "Those two are stupidly inseparable."

"You and Liz were just as inseparable when you talk about her," Carole pointed out.

Burt huffed. "That's not the point."

"You'll never relax about Kurt, I know that. But he'll be okay. They'll all be okay. He's going to New York soon. He's growing up, and you need to realise that and let him go."

"Does that apply to Finn too?"

Carole laughed. "Of course not!"

Burt snorted and cuddled her close. "Double standards, honey."

"Of course, of course."

* * *

><p>Rachel squealed as she distributed the keycards to the other three and started pulling Finn in the direction of the elevators.<p>

Blaine shook his head at his sister and slipped the key into his pocket against his phone. "Shall we?" he questioned, inclining his head to where Finn and Rachel were already disappearing into the silver contraption.

Kurt smiled and did an excited twirl towards the elevators. "We shall!"

Rachel and Kurt had each insisted on rooms far away from their respective siblings, for which Blaine and Finn had privately been grateful. Kurt pressed the button for the eleventh floor and rocked on the balls of his feet while gripping Blaine's hand.

"I love you," Kurt grinned, kissing Blaine's cheek.

"I love you too," Blaine said, squeezing Kurt's hand as they left the elevator and headed in the direction of their room number. Kurt swiped the keycard through the lock and shot a coy look in Blaine's direction before crossing the threshold and closing the door behind them.

He wandered through the room, skirting around the luggage bags and tumbling onto the bed.

"It's comfy," Kurt conceded. "Join me?"

Blaine laughed at the expression on Kurt's face and crawled onto the bed and over his body. "You've been joined."

Kurt snorted, wrapping his arms around Blaine's neck and kissing his cheek. "I can't believe we're really here."

"Me either. I thought your Dad would change his mind at the last minute and come with us just to be a cockblock."

Kurt giggled as Blaine pressed his legs on either side of Kurt's thighs and licked around Kurt's ear. "You know your sister is going to come and get us soon and be her own form of cockblock?"

Blaine groaned and rolled off Kurt. "Now that you've mentioned that, I'm never going to be able to kiss you until she bothers us."

As if on cue, there was a knock on the door and Rachel's chirpy voice saying she hoped she hadn't interrupted anything and would they make sure they were dressed and ready to go for a walk around the streets in the next five minutes. Blaine turned his head to look at Kurt who was smothering his laughter behind his hands.

"Fine, let's get going before Rachel bugs us again," Blaine sighed, tugging Kurt from the bed and slipping his shoes back on.

* * *

><p>Being in Florida was both a blessing and a curse. It showed Kurt and Blaine what life would be like when they were living together, waking up each morning in the other's arms, content, relaxed and well-rested. They could take meandering walks holding hands and sharing kisses without worrying about jerks in Lima. They often started the day in the same way that it started – with sweaty skin and whispered affections and toe-curling orgasms. It allowed Blaine to flourish and accept himself, while Kurt got a light tan and a smattering of freckles across his nose.<p>

On the other hand, Kurt was acutely aware that he was going to New York in a month and Blaine still had a year left in Lima. At times, he hid his face in Blaine's bare shoulder, tears sliding over Blaine's darkened skin as the anxiety over the next year crippled him. Spending so much time wrapped in each other's arms reminded Kurt of the many months he would have between visits with Blaine. Blaine tried not to think about it as much, hiding his tears by crying in the shower and putting on a brave face when Kurt's crumbled.

He often caught Rachel's pitying smile, or her own reddened eyes, and knew his sister was struggling with the idea of parting from Finn just as much as he was with Kurt. Finn appeared mostly calm and stoic given the rest of their emotions, tucking Rachel under his arm and dropping a kiss to the top of her hair.

Regretfully, two weeks passed too quickly for anyone's tastes and it felt like Kurt had barely danced into their hotel room that he was spending his last night with his body wrapped around Blaine's, sighing with pleasure as Blaine rocked into him and his blunt nails scraped down Blaine's back.

"I love you," Kurt breathed, tightening his legs over Blaine's hips and shuddering when Blaine continued to hit his prostate again and again.

A drop of sweat trickled down from Blaine's curls and splashed against his neck as Blaine worked him to release, clinging to Blaine's body as Blaine grunted against his collarbone and came.

"Love you, love you," Blaine whispered, decorating Kurt's skin in kisses and cleaning him with tiny licks to his chest. "Love you."

Kurt smiled sleepily and curled into Blaine's arms. "I love you too."

"For ever?" Blaine asked with a kiss to the back of Kurt's neck.

"For always," Kurt hummed, eyes drifting closed as he fell asleep.

* * *

><p>Moving to New York was not so much an experience as an ordeal, in Kurt's opinion. Blaine had, of course, insisted on coming with him to help his boyfriend and sister. Finn had likewise insisted and travelled with Rachel. Not to be left behind, Burt and Leroy had driven two truckloads of things across state lines while the four teens had flown to New York to meet them.<p>

Kurt had immediately dismissed many of Rachel's items as too hideous to put in a shared space, banishing them to the depths of her bedroom or sneaking several into a bag for Blaine to take back to Lima with him. Burt and Finn had demanded to be responsible for the heavier items, setting up the couch, fridge and beds. Kurt had thrown up his hands and relented, but swiftly bundled his step-brother out to make the constructed bed with Blaine until the majority of the furniture was in place and Kurt added small decorative pieces to make the new apartment feel more homey. Burt even shed a silent tear when he realised that this was going to be Kurt's new home, and he was going to be living here, thousands of miles from Lima.

Blaine snuggled up behind Kurt and rested his chin against Kurt's shoulder. "Are you happy?"

Kurt glanced around and decided that one of the pictures needed to change and a vase needed to move. "Yes and no. I'm feeling more content now that it feels like a _home_, but you're going to be leaving and I never want to let you go."

Blaine nodded his agreement as Rachel tossed another empty box out of her bedroom into the small corridor which Leroy scooped up and added to the pile to add to the recycling on the way out.

"I'm going to miss you, but you'll have Rach here," Blaine admitted, kissing the side of Kurt's neck.

"I'd swap her for you any and every day," Kurt frowned.

Blaine snorted and cuddled him gently. "I think I should be glad."

"You definitely should be glad," Kurt grinned, twisting his neck to meet Blaine's lips.

Burt cleared his throat just loudly enough to remind the two boys that he was in the room and able to see them. Kurt scowled at his father and Burt shrugged. Leroy laughed and searched on his iPhone for a local pizza delivery.

* * *

><p>Burt and Leroy returned to Lima the following morning. Both Kurt and Rachel sobbed messily until Burt gave Kurt a final squeeze and whispered how much he loved Kurt and was so proud of him and stepped into the elevator. Kurt clutched at Rachel and Blaine's hands and tried to gain better control of his emotions. If this was his father walking away from him, he was going to border on inconsolable when Blaine left in a week. When one of their neighbours from down the hall looked at the four with a strange expression, Kurt realised they'd been standing outside too long and Finn pulled them back into the apartment.<p>

* * *

><p>To say that Kurt and Blaine didn't leave Kurt's bedroom that week would be wrong. Because they did. They left to go to the bathroom, eat, briefly walk around New York hand-in-hand, before retreating back under the covers of Kurt's sheets and trying to fulfil every desire. Rachel and Finn were hardly any different, although Blaine was extremely glad for the kitchen and living room separating the two bedrooms, as well as rather thick walls (Kurt had been adamant about such a feature when he had been looking at apartments online).<p>

He rolled his hips again, clutching at Kurt's arms as he stared into Kurt's eyes, which were dark with arousal and creased with need. "I love you," he whispered between kisses, trying to give Kurt everything he wouldn't be able to in the next few months. "I love you and I'm never leaving you. You know where I am, I'm only a phone call away."

Kurt arched his neck into Blaine's mouth as he sucked tiny hickeys along a taut muscle. "It's just like when you were at Dalton and I could call."

Blaine nodded as he kissed under Kurt's jaw, breaking his gentle rhythm to thrust hard into Kurt, who moaned. "That's exactly what it's like, except I can't drive here in only a few hours," he murmured. "But I will listen for as long as you need. We can Skype. It's only a few months until I'll see you again."

A tear escaped Kurt's eye and dampened the pillow as he clung to Blaine's neck, mumbling his adoration into the sweaty curls on Blaine's head. It was slower than usual, far more tender, and as Blaine gradually worked Kurt's body until he was gasping with pleasure and pleading Blaine's name between breaths, he tried to sear every sensation into his memory so he would never forget what this was like. When Kurt finally came, falling apart in Blaine's arms with a shudder, he breathed deeply to try and capture the smell of _Kurt_ and _sex_ that filled the air and kissed Kurt sloppily until he came.

Kurt wiped himself off and Blaine disposed of the used condom before they cuddled together and tried to ignore that they were already both crying at the idea of being separated.

* * *

><p>The only times Kurt could remember crying harder was when the realisation finally hit him that his mother was <em>dead<em> and _she wasn't coming back_ and wouldn't ever make him cheese sandwiches that were cut into squares with the crusts cut off, and when his father had been in a coma back in Junior year. Somehow the pain was engulfing him and he struggled to breathe as Blaine cradled his body and reminded him over and over that it was just a few months and he was only a phone call away. When Finn wiped his eyes and carefully untangled Rachel from his body, he started trying to shift Kurt and Blaine apart, even as Kurt started wailing and clinging tighter.

"Kurt, come on dude. Blaine and I need to get to the airport," Finn grimaced. Rachel tried to insert herself into Kurt's hold as Blaine tearfully eased his body free.

"But I don't want you to go! I'll drop out of Tisch and come back to Lima!" Kurt sobbed, clutching at Rachel's blouse. "I don't want to be apart from you, Blaine."

Blaine's hands cupped Kurt's cheeks and wiped the steadily flowing tears away. "I will message you or talk to you on the phone or Skype every other day, I _promise_. Think of how fast these holidays have gone. The time until we see each other will go even faster. The time until I'm joining you here and we can live together in New York is sooner than you know."

"But-"

"Shhh," Blaine soothed, kissing Kurt as Finn looked away and blushed. "I love you, okay. For ever, remember?"

Kurt smiled tearfully. "For always."

Blaine kissed Kurt's forehead and stepped back. "Come on, Finn. Let's make a run for it before I ditch my senior year and ruin the rest of my life."

Finn gave a wan half-smile as he grabbed their bags and Rachel hurried after him for a final hug and a kiss.

"I'll see you sooner than you know," Blaine assured before darting out the door and waiting for Finn in the elevator. Rachel gave him a wave as Kurt wrapped his arms around her from behind, clinging to her as his swollen eyes never left Blaine's until the elevator doors snapped shut and the months of distance began.

Kurt erupted into fresh sobs as Rachel dragged him back to the apartment, holding him and crying as well until they fell into an exhausted sleep in a tangle of limbs on the couch.

* * *

><p>Being apart from Blaine sort of felt like he'd lost a limb. A limb that was vital to his existence, or an organ that he was suffering without. Rachel faired better, although Kurt attributed that to the frequent breakups and hookups she had experienced with Finn. She had practice at being separated from the one she loved. Kurt didn't. And so Kurt struggled.<p>

As promised, he spoke to Blaine every day, whether by texting, calling or Skyping. The end of the holidays allowed the time to talk so much, but Kurt feared for when classes started and timetables conflicted and assignments mounted and it cut into his much-needed contact with Blaine. He was starting to realise he'd underestimated the pain the distance was going to cause.

He tried to get out frequently with Rachel, or rather, she'd pull him out of the house and steer him around various streets in New York. They'd seen _Wicked_ twice already and scouted out some of the best coffee shops on the way to their respective colleges. Kurt had divided his course work between theatrical arts, fashion and writing through Tisch, even though Rachel had tried to say he should figure out what he wanted to focus on most. Blaine had encouraged the diversity and had said to Rachel that it gave Kurt more options, and that maybe she should consider it too. In typical Rachel-style, she'd scoffed and said she had figured out what she wanted most and was going to obtain it.

And he still talked to his father. The calls that had begun as daily though had already dwindled to every second or third day as Burt coped with the distance and tried not to smother Kurt from Lima. Finn texted him, although badly, and he tended to learn more from Rachel what his step-brother was up to via the calls she shared with her boyfriend. Sometimes, Carole would call him, or he would call Carole, asking about a tip for cooking something. But _nothing_ hurt as much as being away from Blaine.

* * *

><p>His first day at Tisch, was, in a word, terrifying. He was one face, one person, in a sea of hundreds of other students who seemed to know where they were going and what they were doing, walking with confidence and with friends. Kurt ached for Rachel's arm and her unfailing ability to hold her head high, or Blaine's quiet assurance that he could do this. He smiled faintly at the idea of Blaine's old 'COURAGE' messages and looked down at his timetable and then the map again.<p>

"Feeling a little lost?"

He glanced up to see a boy with auburn hair and dark green eyes smiling at him.

"Yeah, just a bit. I think I'm meant to be in that building though," he said with a vague point at a building to his left.

"Here, let me take a look," the boy offered, glancing at the timetable. "Actually, you're in the building _behind_ that one, but at least you had your directions right. I'm Connor."

Kurt smiled and shook the offered hand. "Kurt."

"Fresher?"

"As if you couldn't already tell from my hopelessly lost face!" Kurt teased.

"Very true, very true," Connor nodded, handing Kurt back his schedule and the map. "Don't worry if you get lost. Find someone who looks like they know where they're going and just ask. It's a reasonably friendly place to lost new kids. No one really admits it, but we all got lost at some point or other when we started."

Kurt laughed and shoved the papers into his bag. "Well, thank you Connor. Maybe I'll see you around some time and look a little less confused."

Connor grinned. "Or maybe you'll look a lot more confused and I'll sweep in and save the day again!"

"Maybe, maybe," Kurt said with an answering grin, before giving a wave and heading in the direction of the building he had his class in. The anxious twisting in his stomach had eased slightly and he walked with more pride at knowing where he was going. He was crossing the courtyard between the two buildings when he got asked for directions by a girl Rachel's size, and blushingly had to admit he was new too and had no idea where anything was yet so he really wasn't the person to be asking. She giggled and thanked him anyway, moving on to ask other people.

Kurt settled into the back of the classroom, glad he'd left the apartment so early otherwise he would probably have ended up atrociously late.

The classroom filled up and the class eventually started, and Kurt listened with keen interest, taking detailed notes as a few students around him lazed around with bored expressions and didn't even pick up their pens. He tried to file away their faces for future reference in case group assignments came up or someone asked him for notes. If they weren't even going to _try_, then he wasn't going to help them at some later date if they needed it.

After the class, he was approached by a blonde girl and another with vibrantly green hair, and he automatically called her Elphie in his head, regardless of what her name might be.

"Hi, we really wanted to say that we liked your coat," Elphie said with a smile. "I'm Ashley and this is Taylor."

Taylor gave a small wave and her cheeks turned faintly pink.

"We were going to try and find the food court and I wanted to meet up with my boyfriend, Drew. Do you want to join us?"

Kurt blinked at the suddenness of being included and wondered if this was what the real world was going to be like. No one had dared approach him in Lima, and even Dalton had been a kind of keep-him-at-arms-length school.

"S-sure," he stammered as he swallowed. "I um, I don't know anyone here. My roommate goes to NYADA so I'm still figuring out my way around."

Ashley cooed at the idea of NYADA, linking arms with Kurt and grabbing Taylor's hand to head in the direction of the food hall. She chatted about what she was hoping to do – fashion journalism – while Drew was more interested in stage design and management. Taylor shyly explained that she was testing out the idea of working behind the camera in production. Kurt felt it was truly fascinating that there were so many different people interested in different things, and listened avidly even though he didn't get many words in. Ashley definitely reminded him of Rachel, and he wondered if they'd get on well with their ability to talk incessantly or frustrate each other because neither would stop to listen.

With a squeal, Ashley let go of his arm to run across the quad and leap into a tall brunette's arms.

"That's Drew," Taylor whispered.

"I doubt anyone would fling themselves at someone with that much enthusiasm if they weren't together," Kurt said, his heart twinging a little in missing Blaine. Taylor blushed and they walked in silence over to where Ashley was babbling to Drew about her class that morning.

"Hey Tay," he greeted, brown eyes flickering to Kurt's. "Found a new friend already?"

"This is Kurt," Ashley introduced, bouncing on her feet. "He's doing like, _everything_ this year because he doesn't know what he wants to do."

"Well, I have _some_ interests," Kurt admitted but Ashley waved it away as Drew held out his hand. Kurt shook it, wondering if Drew felt a little threatened by how tight his grip was. Honestly, didn't Kurt _scream_ gay, even in New York where everyone was meant to be loving and accepting?

Ashley grabbed Drew's hand away and continued in the direction of the food court, with Taylor and Kurt following behind them. She didn't say much, and Kurt couldn't figure out if she was just shy or was so used to her words not being heard over Ashley that she quietened instead. The more time he spent around Ashley, the more he felt she was like a Rachel clone. She chattered away constantly and a few times he caught himself trying to see when she breathed, because she seemed to be endless. Taylor smiled and nodded at the appropriate times, and Kurt wondered if she was truly listening or not. Drew kept glancing at Kurt, not quite threatening but it just felt incredibly odd and put him on edge.

He shared his number with Ashley and Taylor before departing to his next class for the day which was more devoted to performing than the theory he'd been dealing with that morning. Once again, he took a seat nearer to the back and dragged out a fresh notebook for the new class. He had just finished penning in the date when a body slouched into the seat beside him.

He glanced over distastefully, the smell of cigarettes coiling invisibly in the air, although his gaze lingered on the boy next to him.

"Something wrong with my face?" the boy asked, scratching at his eyebrow and eyeballing Kurt.

"N-no. You just chose sitting next to me of all places," Kurt replied, turning back to his notebook.

"Because you chose to sit up the back and I didn't want to have to go further into the room and clearly display that I was late."

Kurt shrugged disinterestedly, taking down the contact details of the course convenor who was talking at the front.

"I'm Tyler."

"Charmed," he said, wrinkling his nose at the smell and trying to pay attention.

"Charmed? Really? Are your parents hippies to call a boy something like that?" Tyler asked.

Kurt couldn't help the snort as he looked over at Tyler. "My name isn't Charmed. I was trying to indicate my total lack of interest in continuing a conversation with you."

Tyler's dark blue eyes glinted. "Pity. You look like you'd be an interesting person to know."

Kurt opened his mouth, except that any words he had dried on his tongue. Interesting? He wasn't interesting. Only Blaine had ever said he was interesting and he came from _Lima_. There was nothing interesting about him.

"Cat got your tongue?" Tyler said, leaning forward with a grin. "I thought you'd be one of those people who never shut up."

"Oh no, I met one of those this morning. She was lovely but I live with a girl that doesn't know how to be quiet and it was a bit much," Kurt responded.

"You live with a girl, huh?" Tyler said, eyebrow raising. "I knew you'd be interesting."

"We're not dating!" Kurt said, a little too loudly if the girl in front of them turning around to shush them was any indication.

"But you live with her?"

"She's my best friend from being a child and we went through high school together." Kurt twisted his pen on the paper and realised he'd missed copious amounts of notes already. "She's at NYADA but I didn't get in so I came here instead."

"Ahh, so you like performing then?"

"I'm doing a little of everything this year. Trying to figure out what I like best."

Tyler nodded and sat back in his chair. "So if you're not with your roommate, who are you with? You're too smoking to be single."

Kurt felt his face flood with heat and the tips of his ears burning. "I'm n-not-"

"Not with anyone?"

"Not _smoking_," he hissed, glancing back at the lecturer of the class. He hoped these notes would be posted online or something. It was only his second class and he was hopelessly distracted already by a boy that smelled and flirted and wore a leather jacket.

"So given that you picked that part to respond to, you have terrible self-confidence but _are_ with someone," Tyler mused, glancing at his wrist watch before looking back at Kurt. "Pity."

"You're not seriously trying to pick me up in class, are you?" Kurt gaped.

Tyler shrugged. "You looked like you'd be interesting. I was right. Just because you're taken doesn't make you any less interesting." He paused for a moment before grinning. "In fact, it makes it more of a challenge."

"But how do you-"

"Charmed, you're wearing a fitted coat in the middle of the New York summer." Tyler stared down at the boots covering Kurt's feet. "And no one wears boots with an inch heel if they _aren't_ gay."

Kurt sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. "Fine. But I still have a boyfriend."

"I'm not bothered by that," Tyler said easily, turning his attention to the lecturer. "Although for the most part, I'm just interested in making friends with other interesting-looking people."

Kurt couldn't help but feel the subtle compliments embedded in Tyler's blatant flirting were working to make Kurt feel a little warmer about himself, something he desperately missed from having Blaine's love whispered into his skin.

"My name's Kurt," he said finally.

Tyler nodded, looking over him. "I knew you'd have an interesting name."

* * *

><p>Tyler insisted Kurt come with him and meet his friends when the class was dismissed an hour later. Although a little intimidated, Tyler had said they were still on campus so he'd be safe and not wandering off somewhere dark and dangerous, so Kurt had relented. And unlike anyone else he'd met so far, Tyler seemed genuinely interested in what Kurt was doing, where he was from and why he was at Tisch. They avoided discussing Rachel or Blaine as Tyler talked about being from Madison in Wisconsin but needing to get the hell away from his overly oppressive mother and a father that only dropped around when it suited him, which had become a lot less frequent after Tyler had told his father he was gay at sixteen. It felt like Kurt's first real run-in with someone who hadn't had the most supportive parents, with the exception of Santana because she'd still managed to live at home even though there was now the separation with her grandmother.<p>

Tyler found his friends and introduced Kurt to Olivia, Josh and Cody, who all wore what Kurt could only deem as varying shades of black. He'd never really felt there was much variation in a colour so dark, but the group of four challenged his perceptions as he took in the differences in the shiny fabric that Cody wore to the matte leggings Olivia was sporting, and then the cotton t-shirt Josh was wearing. They were like Tyler though, taking an interest in what Kurt was doing and why he had chosen Tisch. While Tyler was more into performance like Rachel, Olivia was more into the archiving and preservation that Tisch offered. Josh was majoring in musical studies, playing the violin, piano and clarinet, and Cody was there for the photography and film department. It astounded Kurt at the range of things people were studying and made him really appreciate the diversity he was being exposed to, as opposed to Rachel who was surrounded almost exclusively by performers who were possibly as obnoxiously opinionated and self-assured as she was. Kurt sort of felt like this was a more accepting place to be, where he could combine different interests and forge his own path, rather than being boxed in to a tailored program he had little choice in and might bore or terrify him depending on the work.

Kurt soon discovered though that Tyler, Olivia and Cody smoked. They didn't pressure him into it but the smell floated in the air and Kurt hoped it didn't invade the fabric of his precious coat. Josh waved the smoke away from this face, admitting to Kurt that it didn't combine well with blowing into an instrument like the clarinet, but Tyler scoffed and said he was better at the piano and violin anyway so he should focus on those. Josh clearly flushed with the praise and Kurt felt like Tyler had such an easy way with words to try and make everyone feel better about themselves. After being surrounded by people like Rachel in Glee club, people who believed in their own self-importance and righteousness, or those who had tried to tear others down like Santana, it was refreshing to find someone who was more selfless in his words, encouraging those around him with statements that just felt natural rather than forced. Kurt tried to convince himself that it was _that _which was the appeal in continuing to hang around with a group of kids who smoked, and not because he was in desperate need of comforting words that he missed hearing from Blaine.

It felt like a hollow attempt at trying to convince himself though.

* * *

><p>"So how was your first day?" Blaine asked as soon as the connection on Skype was made.<p>

Kurt smiled as he propped up the laptop on his thighs and leaned back into the pillows. "It was good. I met several people and swapped numbers with a few of them. I wouldn't call them _friends_, but at least those I had contact with seemed really friendly and non-judgemental."

Blaine sighed wistfully as he adjusted the camera on the top of his computer. "And here I am, stuck in stupid Lima."

"You'll be here before you know it though," Kurt pointed out.

"I know, I know. You're just having all these fantastical experiences like when you went to Nationals there at the end of your Junior year, and it's something I want to share with you so much and _can't_." Blaine's forehead knitted into a frown. "I guess I'll just have to live vicariously through you and Rachel in the meantime."

"I'm not sure you want to live through Rachel. She keeps complaining that no one is as talented as her and they have a group project already."

Blaine laughed, his face creasing up and Kurt quickly took a screen capture to look at when he got homesick for Blaine. "Rachel will never believe anyone is as good as her because as soon as she admits someone might be better, it'll shatter her delicately built sense of esteem and entitlement."

"It concerns me though if she gets told someone is better than her, or she needs to tone it down," Kurt admitted. "A grumpy or sad Rachel is something I've never handled well."

"Just tell her to call me and I'll talk some sense into her," Blaine smiled ruefully.

"How was your day? Have there been any new recruits to Glee club?"

Blaine started talking about McKinley and Schuester's latest attempt at finding people to join by offering ridiculous incentives like more study hall periods or a tank of petrol that he'd personally pay for. Kurt found himself laughing at the ridiculous lengths the teacher was going to and how it was all in vain given that there still hadn't been any new sign-ups.

When Rachel got in and yelled that she'd picked up Chinese on the way back, Kurt regretfully had to let Blaine go so he could eat dinner. Blaine had blown him a kiss and made Kurt smile with words of love that he desperately missed hearing in person. He blew his own kiss back, giggling when Blaine caught it and smacked his palm to his lips.

"You've kissed me! That made my day all better!" Blaine grinned.

Kurt giggled harder. "You're such a dork."

"I know, but at least you love me regardless."

Kurt nodded, before he rolled his eyes at Rachel shouting at him again. "I definitely do love you. I'll text you before I go to sleep, okay?"

"Can't wait, love," Blaine hummed, breaking the connection so Kurt could get some food.

He padded into the living room, taking the container Rachel held out to him and sinking into the arm chair opposite her.

"Long day?" he asked, stabbing at a snowpea.

"The _longest_," she sighed, rolling her ankles. "I wish Finn was here to give me a foot massage. I feel like I've barely sat down since I left home this morning."

"Lots of movement work, then?"

Rachel launched into a discussion on her day and Kurt only half-listened as he nodded and murmured his agreement, before a stray thought struck him that maybe Taylor had known Ashley so long she could do the same. Hiding his smile with a mouthful of rice, he found that he could lose himself in the world of Rachel at NYADA and was secretly grateful that Tisch was so much more diverse.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **If you missed the author's note at the beginning, for the love of all things holy, go back to the top and read it because I don't want to repeat myself.

Tentatively, I can say this story will have about twelve chapters that will total around 70 thousand words (the chapters are, on average, shorter than ASBAON). So, as I said, settle in. It's going to be long and bumpy and tearful.

ANYWAY. What what what are your thoughts? Does anyone have an immediate dislike for Tyler or Connor or any of the other OCs I introduced, or fell in love with any of them? Ashley's hair is based in part on a couple of friends I have, who like to dye their hair practically neon (although the Elphie reference is to Elphaba, who is the witch in _Wicked_ if you didn't know)

So so so. What do you all thing? I'm super excited to be sharing this and I hope you'll enjoy taking the journey with me and I would _adore_ to know your thoughts!

Love as always xoxo


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** A Family By Any Other Name  
><strong>Author:<strong> an-alternate-world  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M  
><strong>CharactersPairings:** Kurt/Blaine  
><strong>Word count:<strong> 6,073  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Kurt hadn't known what to expect from his first year at college. He thought it would be difficult with the workload and being apart from Blaine, but he tried not to have too many expectations. Even if he had, he couldn't have envisioned it like this..  
><strong>WarningsSpoilers: **No spoilers because the story builds on the prequel, _A Sibling By Any Other Name_. If you haven't read that, you'll definitely want to because this probably won't make a heck of a lot of sense. As for **warnings**, ANGST ANGST ANGST.  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I am in no way associated with _Glee, FOX_, Ryan Murphy or anything else related to the _Glee _universe.

* * *

><p>Kurt discovered that buying extra pillows and spraying them with Blaine's cologne didn't actually make him feel any better. He desperately missed the press of Blaine's body against his, and he started to become so starved for affection that he cried himself to sleep at night. The mornings following, Rachel would look at him with such concern that he frowned and continued his short trip to the bathroom to get ready and by the time he was done, she had had to leave to get to her classes at NYADA on time.<p>

So instead of facing her disapproval or concern, he started staying out of the apartment as much as possible. He ran into Connor several times and they developed a _thing_ of getting coffee every Thursday. Ashley and Taylor shared two of his classes and sat with him, whispering behind their hands or passing notes that made him smile. When Ashley had turned up with hair the colour of the ocean, Taylor had quietly explained that Ashley had forgotten to strip out the green dye before adding the blue, which explained why some of her hair was still the violent acid green, and other parts were aqua, and others were blue. And yet somehow, it suited her, which Kurt vaguely resented her for because he would never get away with hair the colour of seawater.

He also found that he was spending an increasing amount of time with Tyler and his friends. Olivia had a way of making him laugh and Josh intrigued him. Cody constantly complimented Kurt on his style and his appearance and encouraged Kurt to be his model for an assignment, except Kurt kept turning him down because he just didn't see himself as someone worth photographing. Tyler stole a fair bit of his time after having grabbed Kurt into his group for assignments, and Kurt couldn't fault his talent or his passion for performing so he went along with it fairly easily. He felt a little like a boy with wide-eyed wonder and adoration, and constantly had to keep himself in check because he was with Blaine and he loved Blaine and Tyler was just a friend. But Tyler was friendly and he listened when Kurt talked and he recognised when Kurt's eyes were distanced, a soft touch to his hand or shoulder and a raised eyebrow to return him to the present, which Kurt dismissed and said he was fine.

And Blaine, poor Blaine, who increasingly got text messages apologising for not being able to call because he had an assignment to write in the library that night, or that he was going out with friends and wouldn't make it for their Skype date, or that he had a rehearsal for one of his performance units. Blaine was understanding, telling Kurt in their infrequent calls that he wanted Kurt to make friends and focus on his studies and that he knew Kurt still loved him, but a part of Kurt felt a subtle twinge of guilt because he _did_ still love Blaine but he wasn't making the effort anymore and he wondered if he was going down that path of failing high school romances.

Sometimes, when he was home for dinner, Rachel would ask him what he was up to, or tell him what Blaine was doing. He felt ashamed that Blaine had tried to organise another musical at the school but there hadn't been enough people willing to try out to make it worthwhile. He hadn't even known Blaine wanted to be in another musical or been rallying to prepare a pitch for one. He wasn't sure how often Rachel spoke to her brother but she certainly seemed to know more about how he was doing than Kurt did, and the guilt gnawed at Kurt's heart because he realised that when they managed to hold conversations, Blaine just wanted to know everything Kurt was doing in New York and at Tisch. It felt like he was abusing his relationship with Blaine by just talking about himself and it wasn't fair to Blaine to put up with that. So he tried asking how Blaine was doing but Blaine consistently brushed him off, turning the conversation back onto Kurt, asking if he'd seen any shows recently, or if he'd gone to some place Blaine had seen online and wanted to know if it was worth visiting when he moved to New York as well.

The ache Kurt felt after their conversations ended meant that he increasingly only called Blaine when he was at home, locked in his room and clutching a pillow that smelled vaguely of Blaine but yet lacked the scent that was so essentially _Blaine_. Kurt knew that anyone and everyone was more than the cologne they wore, but instead of making him feel better, the pillows were starting to make him cry harder and feel nauseous when he woke with his face pressed into them. In a rage one night over an assignment he was struggling to complete, he threw the pillows at his wall where they landed with a soft thud and rested on the floor. After two days without the scent in his nose, he retrieved them and curled up on the bed, sobbing himself to another restless sleep.

* * *

><p>"You're looking a little under the weather," Connor commented, passing Kurt's coffee across the table and taking a seat opposite him. "Are you coming down with something? Mid-terms are coming up. You should stock up on Vitamin C tablets just in case."<p>

Kurt blinked at the coffee cup and realised he couldn't even remember walking to meet Connor this morning. He felt like he was on autopilot and nothing felt _real_ anymore. "I think I'm just tired. I have a paper due Monday that's stressing me out more than it should."

Connor nodded as he swallowed a mouthful of his coffee. "We all have that. I remember my first year and how many times I broke down. It felt so hard, y'know? It was such a big leap from high school that no one told me about."

Kurt fidgeted with the container of coffee, an unbidden image of the Lima Bean logo stamped on it springing to mind. "How did you cope?"

Connor shrugged, resting his chin on his hand and staring at Kurt in poorly disguised worry. "I kept going. I knew that it would be over eventually, in a day or a week or a month. I tried to find more people to talk to in my courses, people that could relate and explain things to me that I was struggling with on my own. It felt so overwhelming but then I realised everyone felt the same and they managed to do it as well, so I should be able to as well." His free hand reached over the table to touch the back of Kurt's gently. "I promise you that it gets easier. The first term is always the hardest because you're trying to juggle everything and it's so new and you don't know how bad mid-terms will be. But after you manage it and you have Thanksgiving break, you'll have the opportunity to catch your academic breath and realise you aren't so alone and that you _can_ do it."

Kurt glanced at where Connor's hand was covering his, a light dusting of freckles across his knuckles. Embarrassed, Connor withdrew his hand and went back to sipping his coffee.

"Sorry, I know you have a boyfriend," Connor said. "I didn't mean anything by it. You're just looking so tired at the moment that I can't help but feel concerned."

Kurt rubbed at his eyes, well aware that he looked exhausted because Rachel never stopped harping at him to go to bed earlier even though he still got his eight hours. It just wasn't ever restful sleep anymore and it was affecting his concentration and motivation.

"I'll be okay once this paper is done for Monday," Kurt said quietly. "I should have it done by Saturday so I can take Sunday off to rehearse my lines for the next group performance task."

Connor nodded and gave Kurt a smile. "Just don't work yourself too hard, okay? I know your marks are still okay. You can ease up a little so you can calm down and hold yourself together."

It sounded like such easy advice, but the only way Kurt's mind stayed off how much he missed Blaine was to work and re-work his assignments until they were utterly perfect in his opinion and deemed worthy of handing in.

* * *

><p>It was strange how slipping a ten-page report through the drop-box slot on Monday felt more like he'd just dropped off a ten ton weight off his shoulders. He immediately felt like he could walk taller and breathe easier and managed to ignore Drew's glowering to have a discussion with Ashley about magazine internships she should be seeking out to do alongside her degree. Even Taylor was starting to respond to him more, her whispers increasingly slightly in volume as she adjusted to his presence and confided that although Ashley had been her best friend since she was five, she constantly felt like she was walking in her multi-coloured shadow.<p>

By the afternoon, his good mood had dissipated and his rehearsal with Tyler and his performance group was pushing him to the brink of a total meltdown.

"God, Kurt. Didn't you rehearse at all this last week?" Charmaine snapped when he messed up his lines again, speaking too early and throwing the whole scene off.

He bit the inside of his cheek and balled his hands into fists, but swallowed down his bitter words because he only had another three and a half weeks and then it was Thanksgiving break and Connor's words kept repeating on him. Everyone was stressed and overwhelmed. He just had to keep going and look forward to the brief reprieve.

When he flubbed his lines the next time though, he gave a frustrated roar and walked out of the room to get some air or just get away from Charmaine's furious face. He slumped against an outside wall, smacking his forehead into it repeatedly because he _knew_ the goddamn words and the sequence but he just wasn't concentrating properly.

"Hey!" Tyler called, pulling him away from the wall and holding his arms down so he couldn't fight. "Don't hurt yourself, Kurt. It's not worth it. Calm down."

Kurt wriggled in Tyler's arms as the anger bubbled out of him in hot tears. "I _know_ what to do! I know you're all pissed with me and think I'm a pathetic failure but it's too much. I'm _exhausted_ and I'm more angry with myself than the rest of you are at me combined."

Tyler twisted him around and pushed him until his back was against the wall, blue eyes piercing. "_Look_ at me and breathe, Kurt. You're better than this."

Kurt's chest heaved with each breath, his rage melting into hurt until Tyler was holding him against his shoulder, firm and steady and _real_. In the back of his mind, he was aware of Blaine and that it was wrong, but his fingers fisted into Tyler's jacket as he sobbed, because it was so long since he'd felt _safe_ somewhere and Tyler smelled of smoke and it was unpleasant and he was taller than Kurt, so the balance of clinging to Blaine like he usually did felt all wrong, but for the first time since Blaine had left, he felt partly protected and just needed the touch more than he was willing to admit.

His breathing slowed as Tyler's hand moved over his back gently, until he sucked in a breath and pushed Tyler away, wiping at his eyes and cheeks.

"I'm sorry I…I didn't…" He didn't have any words as he glanced up at Tyler.

"It's okay," Tyler smiled, touching his shoulder lightly and squeezing it. "I could tell you've been under so much stress. I think you needed that."

Kurt shrugged, feeling mortified at someone witnessing such a messy breakdown. "I really should hold myself together better."

Tyler smiled, his hand moving from Kurt's shoulder to cradle his neck. "Kurt, you're a long way from home. You miss your father and your boyfriend and you're working yourself to death. It's okay not to be coping, just make sure you aren't doing it alone."

Kurt exhaled and nodded once. "Okay. Let's go back inside."

"Uh, well…about that…" Tyler muttered, face flushing slightly. "I sent the others home when you left."

"Oh." Kurt suddenly realised that his bag was by their feet, Tyler's beside it. "Well, um…thanks. I didn't…I wouldn't want them seeing me like this."

"That's what I figured," Tyler admitted, grabbing their bags and passing Kurt's over. "You're free Wednesday and Friday, yeah? We can organise another meeting then."

"Thanks," Kurt said again, falling into step beside Tyler as they left the campus, darkness creeping over the city as Kurt went one way to get to his apartment with Rachel and Tyler went the other to the university housing.

"Kurt…" Tyler paused, suddenly looking shier than Kurt had ever seen him. "I know you're struggling. I know you aren't sleeping."

"I'm fine."

"Except you're not," Tyler said firmly, and Kurt's protests died in his throat. "Just because you're in a new big city and a lot of your friends are everywhere doesn't mean you're alone here. You have my number if you need it."

"Tyler, you know-"

"You have a boyfriend? Yes, I know. I just want you to have someone there, someone who can help you, regardless of the time or the place if something goes wrong, okay?"

Kurt's eyes dropped to his feet, because Tyler actually seeming to _care_ was something he'd missed in New York. Everyone was so caught up in their own problems with work and assignments that it was easy to forget about your own welfare and taking care of yourself.

"I'm here, Kurt," Tyler said softly, hugging Kurt quickly before crossing the street and heading down the block towards his flat.

* * *

><p>Rachel's face was critical when he arrived home earlier than he'd intended and said he wasn't hungry. She scrambled off the couch after him, asking what was wrong, if he was okay, what could she get him. His grip on the doorknob to his bedroom was so tight he thought it might leave permanent imprints in his hands. He looked down at her, suddenly realising just how small she was after being held by Tyler earlier, and told her to call Blaine and apologise but he needed an early night. She opened her mouth to say more but he abruptly shut the door and hurled himself at the bed, pulling a pillow over his head and hiding the sound of his cries by burying his face into the sheet covering his mattress.<p>

* * *

><p>When in the throes of working on assignments, the three weeks to Thanksgiving break seemed to be as long as a year in itself. Yet when he sat beside Rachel on the plane home on Wednesday night, the three weeks seemed to have rushed by in a blur. He wondered if that was how it was always going to feel and if it was what Connor had been trying to tell him a month ago. He got himself so worked up by trying to be utterly perfect and make his grades as outstanding as possible that the pressure ate away at him and destroyed his ability to cope and manage his emotions.<p>

Rachel's thumb stroked over the back of his hand as he stared out the plane window at the speckling of lights below, the anxiety churning in his stomach at seeing Blaine again. He'd hardly talked to him in a week because of the flurry of assessments due before the break and his usually well-manicured nails were chipped and bitten. The shadows beneath his eyes were dark and he'd resorted to rubbing concealer in before they'd left the apartment.

The flight and landing were smooth and Rachel looped arms with him as they walked off the plane and through the airport.

"Rachel!"

Rachel looked up and squealed, running over and clinging to Leroy's neck as he swung her around. Stepping to one side, Blaine's hands were in his pockets as he smiled tentatively at Kurt.

It was like a dam opened as the emotion slammed into him at seeing Blaine. He hadn't expected it, because Rachel had said they were getting a cab and the suddenness of being reunited and not being prepared made him crumple to his knees as the tears fell free.

"Kurt?" And then Blaine's arms were there, so strong and sure and his smell, his _smell_ that Kurt had tried to re-create on the spare pillows, and it was too much. He grabbed at Blaine weakly, holding on and feeling like he was in danger of being swept away, as Blaine shushed him with soft singing and quiet assurances of love and care and devotion.

"I'm s-sorry," he whimpered, clutching at Blaine and realising that the breakdown he had in front of Tyler was nothing like this, in the middle of a crowded airport where he was probably getting his jeans dirty and people were judging him for being in the arms of a boy. He was in Ohio now, not New York where people didn't care who he loved. He needed to get himself back together.

"Hey, it's okay," Blaine whispered, supporting the back of his neck and kissing his forehead. "It's okay."

Through his tears, he saw Rachel crouched beside him and reach out a hand to touch his knee. "Come on. Let's go home, Kurt."

Wobbling to his feet with Blaine's help, he clung to Blaine the entire walk to the car as Leroy carried his bag and Rachel dragged hers behind her. Blaine helped him into the backseat and then climbed in after, tugging Kurt into his side and stroking his hand down Kurt's back to soothe his distress.

They returned to the Berry house first, because it was late for Leroy and he needed to sleep. Rachel took the keys and slid into the driver's seat, navigating the short trip to Kurt's house and barely parking before jumping out and sprinting up the sidewalk to Finn's arms.

"I'm sorry," Kurt mumbled again, seeing his step-brother's bright smile as Finn kissed Rachel over and over. "I don't know what came over me."

Blaine's fingers brushed through Kurt's hair to tilt his face up. His honey eyes were so creased with concern it nearly sent Kurt into a fresh wave of tears. "I'm here and I'm barely going to leave your side all weekend." He leaned down to kiss Kurt softly. "But for now, your Dad is in the doorway beside Finn and Rachel and I know he's been desperate to see you."

Kurt looked up to see his father half-listening to Rachel but staring at the backseat where his son was. Kurt's breath caught in his throat as he fumbled to get out of the car and race to his father.

"Daddy!"

Burt's arms were firm around him, gripping Kurt against his chest. "Hey buddy," he said quietly. "Missed you."

A sob escaped Kurt's mouth as he buried his nose in his father's shoulder, inhaling and trying to commit the smell to memory for when he needed it in the future.

"I've missed you too," he admitted, drawing back and sniffling. Blaine's hand slipped into his as Kurt wiped his eyes and swallowed his emotions down.

"It's far warmer inside, come on," Burt ushered.

It was like those words made Kurt aware of how cold it was and he shivered as Blaine tugged him inside and helped him out of his shoes and coat before removing his own shoes and lining them up neatly by the shoe rack.

"Look, I, uh…" Burt rubbed the back of his neck as he looked back and forth between Kurt and Blaine. "You know tomorrow's going to be long and I need to sleep. I…Blaine, you can stay the night. With Kurt." He frowned slightly as he touched Kurt's cheek. "I think he needs a good night of sleep, okay?"

Kurt blinked at his father, stunned by his words. "Dad?"

"You went to Florida for two weeks," Burt sighed. "I'm well aware of what that meant for you two. And for Rachel and Finn." He bit down on his lip with a huff. "You've been apart for a long time and I…I know how hard that is so I just want Blaine to take care of you tonight, alright?"

Kurt nodded, still feeling totally speechless.

"I'll take care of him, Mister…_Burt_," Blaine amended with a smile. Burt grunted and headed up the stairs to his bedroom.

"So…um…" Kurt said, gazing wide-eyed at where his father had disappeared.

"I meant what I said to him," Blaine said, turning Kurt to face him and reaching for his cheek like Burt had. "You look exhausted. Have you slept at all this past week?"

"Yes," Kurt said, leaning in to Blaine's touch with a contented murmur. "I just haven't slept _well_."

His eyes slid closed as Blaine kissed him softly and nuzzled at his jaw when he pulled Kurt into his arms for a hug. "Then I'm going to be big spoon tonight and protect you from all the bad dreams."

"That sounds good," Kurt breathed, stifling a yawn into Blaine's shoulder.

Without a word, Blaine led him down the stairs into his basement room which remained mostly untouched since he left.

Mostly.

"I…uh…" Blaine worried his lip between his teeth. "Sometimes I come over here on the weekends to watch games with your Dad and Finn. Or that's my excuse. I ask your Dad if I can stay over so I can sleep in your bed and smell whatever lingers of your scent."

Kurt smiled shyly. "I spray your cologne on spare pillows but it's not the same."

Blaine's nervousness was immediately replaced by joy. "I'll send you home with a couple of my shirts and hoodies."

"They're so unfashionable though," Kurt protested, even as his smile grew.

"But they smell like me," Blaine teased.

Kurt giggled and kissed Blaine's cheek. "Can I take your whole wardrobe?"

Blaine laughed and shoved Kurt in the direction of the bathroom to get ready for bed. "I can't go to McKinley _naked_, Kurt. It hasn't changed _that_ much since you left."

Kurt's eyes roamed over Blaine's body. "Pity," he commented, before darting into the bathroom to change and brush his teeth.

Blushing darkly, Blaine retrieved his pyjamas from the drawer he'd taken over with his frequent stays at Kurt's and waited on the edge of Kurt's bed until Kurt left the bathroom so he could brush his own teeth.

"You really are over here a lot if the unfamiliar red toothbrush is any indication," Kurt mused as he left the bathroom to crawl onto his bed and kiss the back of Blaine's neck.

Blaine could feel the heat creeping up his cheeks again as he hurried into the bathroom and then returned to Kurt.

Kurt yawned when he climbed onto the bed, making grabby hands at Blaine until he settled in behind Kurt and tugged his body so his back was against Blaine's chest.

"I'll keep you safe," Blaine murmured, stroking his fingers through Kurt's hair. "Sleep well, baby."

"I love you," Kurt mumbled sleepily.

"Love you too," Blaine replied, kissing beneath Kurt's ear until he heard Kurt's breathing even out and the weight of his body sag. With a concerned sigh, he cuddled Kurt as close as possible and let his eyes drift shut.

* * *

><p>If Kurt had thought he would sleep better being at home and held by Blaine, he was sorely mistaken. The first time he was woken was by Blaine shaking him, and at first he thought it was still a dream because Blaine was in Ohio and Kurt lived in New York now. Until Blaine squeezed his biceps a little too hard and it dawned on him that he was home for Thanksgiving weekend. He apologised until Blaine silenced him and tucked him against his body again, falling back into an unsettled sleep.<p>

The second time, he woke himself up with screams because Blaine's arms were around him and he couldn't get them off, he couldn't get free, he couldn't _breathe_. He fell off the bed in his haste to get some space, as Blaine watched him from the bed with a frightened expression. It tore at his heart and he turned to lean against his bathroom door, sucking in air and trying to push the awful images in his nightmare away. He splashed some cold water on his face before returning to Blaine's arms, apologising again as Blaine shook his head and assured him it was okay.

The third time was a less violent wake up, and he only knew that because Blaine was still sleeping. His eyes had snapped open and his breathing was laboured until he re-acquainted himself with his location and started to get the sensation in his hands and feet back. Blaine had rolled onto his back at some point and Kurt took the opportunity to slide out of the bed and out of the room, creeping up the stairs – making sure to miss the creaky fourth one – and closing the door with a quiet click.

It was still only the early hours of the morning, the cold air of the main part of the house biting as Kurt shuffled into the kitchen to make coffee. He didn't want to sleep anymore, regardless of how little he'd gotten and how tired he still felt. He was so riddled with anxiety at closing his eyes and dreaming something else horrific that he shuddered at the idea of sleeping further. Instead, he moved almost silently around the kitchen and made the coffee stronger than ever because he _needed _to stay awake and help Carole cook Thanksgiving dinner.

For the first time, Leroy and Hiram were going to join the Hudson-Hummel's for the dinner because they hadn't felt they could separate Rachel and Blaine from their significant others after several months apart. Rachel had told him a week ago about the change in plans and at the time, Kurt had been left breathless with happiness. Now, he just wanted to hide under the bed and hoped to be forgotten about.

He sipped at his mug of coffee as he gazed around the kitchen, spotting a few changes with the things stuck to the fridge and maybe that things were a little tidier now that Kurt no longer lived at home and Rachel and Blaine were over less. His fingers drummed the table lightly as the caffeine started to take effect, warming him up and making his brain feel less foggy.

He heard soft footfalls on the stairs and smiled wearily at Carole when she entered the kitchen, still rubbing the crusty gunk from her eyes.

"Good morning," she said quietly, touching his shoulder and retrieving a mug of her own. "You're up early."

He shrugged and accepted the extra coffee she poured into his cup. "Couldn't sleep."

She hummed as she took a seat opposite him, reaching over to touch his hand. "Your father said you looked tired last night."

"Oh my God, does _everyone_ discuss my sleeping habits now?" he groaned, dropping his head to the table with a _thunk_.

"No honey, not everyone," she said, scraping her fingers lightly through his hair until he looked up at her. "I guess we just notice the change because it's been so long. It looks more dramatic than it actually is."

He frowned and stared down at his cup. "It's not that bad."

"Isn't it?" she asked, looking over her coffee at him and taking a drink.

"It's just some nightmares and stuff," he confessed, picking at a split thumb nail. "I think it's probably just the stress of Tisch. It's no big deal."

"Sweetie, if you're feeling stressed and it's affecting your sleep, that's going to cause a whole host of other problems."

He sighed and rubbed his nose. "I know, but there's nothing I can do about it. Rachel copes with NYADA. The other kids I know through Tisch seem to cope fine. I don't want to complain about it and seem _weak_." He scowled at his hands and looked up at Carole. "Just because I'm gay and sound like a girl doesn't make me pathetic and whiny and unable to manage."

"I never said it did," she said gently, tilting her head to rest on her open palm. "We all have times when we struggle with things. It doesn't matter if we're male, female, straight, gay." She looked at Kurt with a raised eyebrow. "As old as me or as young as you."

"I'm not that young anymore!" he protested. She laughed behind her hand, careful of the volume because it was only about six-thirty and the rest of the house still felt silent and still with sleep.

"You will always be young to me, Kurt," she smiled. "Because I'm an old fuddy-duddy and you'll never catch up to my age." She reached over to touch his hand again. "I remember going to college to be a nurse. I remember the assignments and the sleepless nights and the anxiety. College is _meant_ to be stressful, Kurt. But it's also over so fast and you need to figure out a balance between doing your work, and having some free time."

"Are you encouraging me to go out and party and get drunk in New York?"

She snorted and squeezed his hand before pulling it back. "I'm encouraging you to remember that it's okay to take a night off for 'Kurt time'," she said, wiggling her fingers in the air. "Because if you don't take care of yourself, no matter how hard you try to work, your sleep will only get more disturbed and your marks will suffer too."

Kurt sighed but knew that she was right. It's what Tyler and Connor had been trying to tell him too. He only really went out to go to Tisch and then returned home to work on assignments. Or he'd find himself in the library on days he didn't have classes to make sure he kept on top of things. He rarely went out for anything terribly _social_, even though Connor, Olivia and Ashley had all asked him to separate events several times.

"Don't work yourself into the ground, Kurt," she said, standing and leaving her mug in the sink and returning upstairs for a few more hours of rest. He listened to her ascending the staircase, heard the creak in one of the steps, before abandoning his own mug and returning to bed.

"You left," Blaine snuffled quietly as he wound his arms around Kurt and breathed against Kurt's neck.

"I just needed some air," he whispered, tangling his fingers with Blaine's and squeezing softly. "Go back to sleep."

Blaine mumbled something unintelligible before drifting off again. Kurt's mind buzzed with the coffee and as much as he didn't want to sleep, Blaine's warmth and protection left him succumbing to the exhaustion that he could no longer fight.

* * *

><p>Mercifully, Kurt managed four hours of uninterrupted sleep and although it was nowhere near enough, he did feel at least partially refreshed when he woke with his face against Blaine's chest which vibrated with soft humming.<p>

"Morning," Blaine said, kissing Kurt's forehead when he tilted his face up to look at Blaine. "I'd ask how you slept but I'm well aware of that answer."

Kurt's cheeks flushed pink as he averted his gaze. "I'm sorry. It's been really bad lately and I didn't really think last night about how it might affect you otherwise I'd have slept elsewhere."

"Rubbish," Blaine said, pulling Kurt until they were level and kissing him. "It's been months. I don't care how badly you slept or how badly I might have slept. I didn't want to be anywhere else last night."

Kurt ducked his head with embarrassment until Blaine cradled his cheek and his thumb traced over the dark skin beneath his eyes.

"How long haven't you been sleeping well?" he asked, gazing at Kurt with so much care that Kurt's heart seized up.

"A…a few months," he admitted, closing his eyes as Blaine continued to lightly rub his cheekbone.

"Since you started at Tisch?"

"It… A few weeks into the semester maybe," Kurt said, eyes flickering open as shame burned through him.

"Hey, don't be afraid of telling me," Blaine whispered, catching the expression on his face. "I'm just worried about you, okay? Rachel said you'd been looking a bit rough lately but the webcams aren't good for that and I can only hear so much tiredness in your voice over the phone."

"I'm sorry though," Kurt mumbled, looking down at Blaine's navy t-shirt that he'd slept in. "I should have told you or something. I don't know. I just get a bit stressed sometimes and I don't want to bother you with how I'm feeling or doing because it's not that important."

"It's _very_ important," Blaine amended. "Because I'm here, Kurt. I love you. I want to know what's going on so that maybe I can help and make you feel better."

One of Kurt's shoulders raised in a shrug. "You held me last night and I still had awful dreams."

Blaine's extended silence made Kurt glance up and the stricken look on Blaine's face felt like he'd been stabbed in the gut. "I'm so sorry," Blaine said, covering Kurt's body and holding him tightly. Kurt wanted to push him off, wanted to say it was too much and he didn't need to be smothered in the affection, but it was like the hug from Tyler weeks ago: it felt good to be held and let someone else hold the pieces of him together for a little while. So he relaxed beneath Blaine, fingers curling into the soft fabric of Blaine's tee, as Blaine dropped soft kisses all over his face.

"I love you," Blaine said, nosing at Kurt's cheek and looking him in the eyes. "I love you so much and knowing that you're hurting breaks my heart a little."

Guilt rolled through Kurt's body as he apologised and leaned in to Blaine's kisses, trying to will away his sorrow as Blaine lavished him with love and touch.

He honestly couldn't tell you later how it went from a moment of much-needed comfort to Blaine sliding inside of him, but as his ankles locked behind Blaine's back and he felt their heartbeats thudding in sync, he kissed Blaine sloppily and whined and gasped when Blaine found the places that made him quiver with desire. His chest shined with sweat as Blaine moved within him, longing and passion swelling as Blaine's hand fisted him between their bodies. His neck arched, Blaine's mouth latching on and sucking a hickey over where his pulse throbbed beneath his skin, until he came with a soft shriek and Blaine's moan of his name went down his throat while they kissed.

It took a while to part until Rachel knocked on the door and announced lunch would be ready in about half an hour. Blaine said they'd be there, kissing under Kurt's ear as his shallow thrusts resulted in him pulling out and disposing of the condom in the basket by Kurt's bed.

Kurt didn't want to leave, wanted to keep touching Blaine until everything was burned into his memory and he never forgot what it was like to have Blaine's body against his on all those nights he felt so horribly alone in New York. But eventually, Blaine kissed him and clambered off the bed to have a shower, and Kurt tried to ignore the tears that spilled over his cheeks.

Because even though he loved Blaine, even though he never felt better than when he was in Blaine's arms and Blaine connected to him and he felt whole and secure and _loved_ again, he still had the horrific itching of anxiety and guilt beneath his skin at making people worry about him over something as trivial as poor sleep and a bit of stress from college.

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><p><strong>AN: **I mean really, Connor and Tyler are nice guys. Truly. Really. Ty might smell of smoke a little but both of them just want to look out for what's best for Kurt.

I realise that this chapter sort of zoomed from September into late November but the first part of Kurt at Tisch isn't massively relevant, per se. Enough of his life and story is explained in this chapter to give you an understanding of how he's managing. Another chapter squashed between the first and this one would have just been mountains of dialogue and slowing the pacing and feeling weird, so hopefully the jump isn't too irritating.

It does slow down some. The next few chapters deal exclusively with the days of Thanksgiving (prepare ye for angst) and there'll be more slowing down over the Christmas/New Year period. The second half of his first year at Tisch from Jan-May/June-ish will also be slower than the past two chapters have been.

Also, I have some exciting news! For those of you who don't follow my Tumblr _(why aren't you following it?)_, I was asked (and granted) permission to translate _A Sibling By Any Other Name_ into Spanish! This story will, in time, also be translated. I'm so incredibly overjoyed and astounded and blessed with such wonderful readers. Thank you to _Luna Black Night_ for taking on the task.

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the characters and the storyline, your opinions and possible directions for the story (although much of it I already know, unlike _Marking_). Thank you, more than any other words I can possibly say, for continuing on with this story verse xoxo


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** A Family By Any Other Name  
><strong>Author:<strong> an-alternate-world  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M  
><strong>CharactersPairings:** Kurt/Blaine  
><strong>Word count:<strong> 5,504  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Kurt hadn't known what to expect from his first year at college. He thought it would be difficult with the workload and being apart from Blaine, but he tried not to have too many expectations. Even if he had, he couldn't have envisioned it like this..  
><strong>WarningsSpoilers: **No spoilers because the story builds on the prequel, _A Sibling By Any Other Name_. If you haven't read that, you'll definitely want to because this probably won't make a heck of a lot of sense. As for **warnings**, ANGST ANGST ANGST.  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I am in no way associated with _Glee, FOX_, Ryan Murphy or anything else related to the _Glee _universe.

* * *

><p>Thanksgiving lunch was quiet and understated considering Carole and Rachel deposited plates of bread rolls and meat on the table and then disappeared back into the kitchen. Kurt smacked his father's hand away from the salt before insisting Blaine put at least <em>some<em> tomato on his sandwich because the amount of cheese and ham was unhealthy. Finn snorted as he practically inhaled his roll, until Kurt started asking how _he_ was eating. Wide-eyed, Finn scarpered away from the table with his plate as Blaine sniggered behind his hand.

After lunch, Kurt and Blaine cleaned up and Blaine went to watch some game or other with Finn and his father, while Kurt fussed around the kitchen with Carole. Rachel shooed him out of the way several times when he got nosy over her vegan meal, so Carole gave him more things to do to keep him occupied.

By mid-afternoon, he was swaying on his feet and at one stage, found himself gripping the counter so hard his knuckles were more white than usual. He waited until the dizzy spell passed but Carole had noticed and her mouth was downturned with blatant concern.

"Why don't you go and have a nap before dinner's served?" she asked quietly, touching his back and steering him out of the kitchen.

"But I'm not tired!" he protested weakly, even as she led him down the stairs to his room and gently pushed him onto the bed.

"I can _see_ how tired you are, sweetie," she said, sitting on the edge of the bed and brushing his hair off his forehead.

He tried to scowl at her but the blankets and pillows felt wonderful and still lingered with Blaine's smell. Without his permission, his eyes slipped shut as Carole kept petting his hair until he fell asleep.

He woke a couple of hours later to Blaine's eyes gazing into his and smiled sleepily as he stretched. His shoulder popped and he groaned a little in relief while Blaine kissed his forehead.

"Feeling a bit better?" Blaine said, cupping Kurt's cheek and running his thumb along the dark circle beneath his eye.

"Some," Kurt admitted, although he didn't mention the dream he'd had at some point that left him jittery.

"Hmm…" Blaine didn't sound convinced. He tugged Kurt against his body and Kurt didn't fight the comfort he found of resting against Blaine's chest, hearing the consistent beat and letting it calm him. "You know, I've missed this."

"Missed what?" Kurt questioned as Blaine's hand drifted in soothing circles against the back of his neck.

"This. Just…being together. Having your weight against me and feeling more complete than I ever do at home."

Kurt nuzzled his face against Blaine's shirt as his hand found Blaine's free one. "I miss you too. I miss this too."

Blaine's hand was warm and firm in his and he could feel the sobs building in his chest as he fought to not just fall apart in Blaine's arms. After so long missing touch and being comforted, he remembered what it was like to just be _held_. Carole had cared, and his father had cared, and Blaine was just always _there_.

"Hey…" Blaine whispered, hugging him tighter. "Why are you crying?"

Oh God, he'd been trying _not_ to cry. Get a _grip_, Kurt.

"Tisch is just…" He sniffled and wiped his cheek against his shoulder. "Tisch is _great_. I've met so many great people who accept me and don't care and even ask about _you_ and how _you're_ doing." He swallowed down a sob as Blaine squeezed his hand. "But it's not the same. It's not the same because you're not there. And it _hurts_, Blaine. It hurts so much that sometimes I cry so hard I can't breathe, and I fall asleep with my textbooks open because I don't want to curl up in my bed alone and missing you."

Blaine's hand felt so large against his neck and his heart beat stayed so regular even though Kurt's breathing and emotions were all over the place. And it was like now that he'd started talking, he couldn't stop.

"I don't see much of Rachel," he admitted, closing his eyes and trying to focus. "I think it's because she reminds me so much of you. I think she must hear my nightmares sometimes because there are some nights that are really bad and she's already left but there's fresh coffee waiting for me." He breathed deeply, trying to calm himself down. "But I could have ten Rachel's, and oh my God the _noise_," he snorted through his tears, and Blaine gave a soft chuckle as well, "and I could have my father and everyone else from New Directions, but it wouldn't replace the gaping hole that's _you_ in my heart."

Blaine's fingers curled into the hair at the nape of his neck, short nails scraping at his skin.

"I just miss you so much," he whispered brokenly. "I miss being held and protected. I miss feeling calm. I miss having a reason worth coming home or going to class. I broke down in class a few weeks ago. Well, rehearsal, rather than class."

Blaine shifted and tilted Kurt's head up. "You didn't tell me about that."

Kurt glanced down at the skin of Blaine's neck and shrugged his shoulder slightly. "I was screwing up my lines and one of my group members was getting so pissed at me and I just…I freaked out. Like…like I did after I lost the election last year." Blaine's arm wrapped around him tighter, sliding over Kurt's back to press into the curve of his hip. "Tyler basically held me together but all I could think about was he wasn't you. He's too tall and he smokes and I just needed _you_. And Connor bugs me every other Thursday about how I'm sleeping and how I'm coping and I'm sure he's noticed how short my nails are."

Blaine raised his hand to examine where their fingers were clasped, making a vaguely disapproving noise at how broken Kurt's nails were looking, but otherwise remained silent.

Kurt shrugged again, blinking up at Blaine and sighing. "I just miss you so much and I don't know what to do anymore."

Blaine propped himself up on his elbows as he carefully raised Kurt into a sitting position and cupped each of his cheeks.

"I love you," Blaine said, fingers firm against Kurt's face. "I love you and I don't care what time of the day or night it is. I don't care if you have an assignment due the next day or I have a solo to practice. Do you remember what I said to you when I gave you my number at Dalton?"

Kurt's eyes teared up again as Blaine stared into his. "That…that no matter was going on or how alone I felt…that you were there and I could call or text you any time and you'd listen."

Blaine blinked. "Well, I'm glad you remembered because I'd forgotten my exact words."

Kurt broke into giggles at the expression on Blaine's face and Blaine smiled.

"My point is, I don't care what's going on for you in big New York," Blaine said, wiping at a tear that spilled down Kurt's cheek. "I don't care what I'm doing here in Ohio. If you need someone, any time, even if I should be in class, I want you to contact me. I want you to tell me you aren't coping. I want to do whatever I can to hold you together even though we're thousands of miles apart."

It sort of felt like his heart was being both healed and shattered at the same time, because Kurt knew, deep down, that he couldn't put Blaine through that. He couldn't call Blaine in hysterics like he'd done after the Karofsky kiss and for Blaine to hammer on his door two hours later. And he knew he wanted to promise Blaine the world, he wanted to believe in Blaine's love and trust that he would always be there, but he couldn't, because it felt like a betrayal and tasted sour on his tongue. The thoughts warred back and forth in his head and Blaine mistook his silence for an acceptance of his request or something, because Kurt found his nose pressed against Blaine's shoulder and Blaine clutching at the back of his shirt so tightly Kurt worried about it getting wrinkled.

Apparently believing the conversation to be done, Blaine snuggled Kurt against his chest until Rachel came down the stairs to tell them that Leroy and Hiram had arrived and dinner would be ready in ten. She bit her lip when she saw Kurt's tired, red eyes but Blaine silently waved her away and she relented, turning on her heel and going back up the steps.

"Come on," Blaine encouraged, pulling Kurt from the bed and upstairs where he greeted each of his fathers with a hug.

Kurt hung back slightly, still aware that his eyes were swollen. Leroy gave Kurt a smile and Hiram looked him up and down.

"Have you grown again?" he commented with a frown.

He forced a smile. "Not that I'm aware, sir. Although it's hard to tell when you share a room with one midget and date her hobbit brother."

Hiram and Leroy started laughing at the same time as Blaine punched his shoulder softly and then kissed it.

"Blaine! I need your help with the beans!" Rachel shouted from the kitchen.

"Finn, honey, can you take this plate to the table?" Carole called at the same time. Kurt glanced at where his brother gave a sigh and hauled himself from the chair and followed after Blaine.

"How's New York treating you?" Leroy asked as Kurt led them to the dining table.

"It's good. Everyone's a lot more…" He started swapping the knives and forks because Finn had _clearly_ gotten what side they were meant to be on wrong again. "Um, everyone's a lot more friendly than here."

Leroy nodded as Finn entered the room with a large plate of mixed vegetables and grabbed a fork to spear a potato.

"Finn Hudson! Hands off the food!" Carole yelled. "I still need your help in here!"

"How does she _do_ that?" Finn gawped around a mouthful of steaming hot potato, dropping his fork onto a plate and leaving.

"So New York is treating you well?" Hiram clarified as he took a seat. Kurt nodded, glancing up at him. "Because we've…" He looked at Leroy. "We've heard things that make us concerned about you."

Kurt stilled in the middle of returning Finn's fork to the side of his plate, half a bitten potato on the plate. "Is this the 'everyone talk about Kurt' show or something? Because-"

"Kurt," Leroy interrupted. "We aren't your father or Carole. We aren't Rachel or Blaine. We could never try to be that."

"Then if you aren't part of my family, you can keep your concern to yourself," he snapped and left, slamming the door shut to his room and locking it.

He ripped off his stupid socks and sweater and hurled himself at the bed, punching his fist into the pillow and drowning his yell in the fabric.

In New York, he was surrounded by people who cared at the most minimal level because he was _there_ and they knew his name. Regardless of how much of an interest Tyler or Connor took in him, he still classed them as acquaintances, people he knew but didn't know at the same time. When he needed someone to turn to, he had no one. He was so utterly alone that the loneliness engulfed him frequently on nights that he longed for Blaine.

And now he was back here and _everyone_ except Finn, who was about as clueless as the unsuspecting potato he'd tried to eat earlier, had expressed their worry over his appearance. He _wasn't_ looking that bad. It was just some missed sleep! Everyone struggled in their first term of college! This was _normal_, couldn't they see that?

He clenched his fingers into his hair in frustration, ignoring Blaine's pleas to open the door and tumbled off the bed to walk to the bathroom. He locked the door and stared at himself in the mirror critically before stripping out of his clothes and dumping them on the floor. Naked except for his boxers, he poked and prodded at his stomach and hips, still faintly pear-shaped and flabby. The definition he'd gotten from working hard in Glee every week was gone and he scowled at his arms and thighs which were so goddamn pale he was nearly translucent. His gaze drifted to his bottom drawer where he'd kept scales but decided he really didn't want to know how much he weighed, how unhealthy he'd gotten in a world of fast meals in between classes and assignments.

And yeah, okay, he admitted that maybe his skin was looking a little tired because he didn't always keep up his moisturising routine as rigorously as he once had, and maybe there were the lavender bruises beneath his eyes, but that was just the price you paid for working hard, right? His nightmares were brought on by stress, and without the stress of the term, he'd be fine during the month off over January.

Deciding to ignore the dinner and the stupid guests, he turned on the water to his shower and sat on the tiled floor, the scalding heat burning as it hit his body. He watched in vague interest as his skin turned pink and blotchy, until it started to hurt too much and he spun the cold tap and the water cooled slightly and burned less.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there, boxers and hair sodden and skin wrinkled from the water, which was now freezing cold and the pressure had fallen off dramatically. He knew he should feel guilty at using so much water, especially the hot water because Carole liked to soothe her worries away with a warm shower before climbing into bed, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Actually, he couldn't even bring himself to move or care about moving. He just kind of felt empty and numb and devoid of just…everything. He didn't really feel human. He didn't feel _real_. It was sort of like being trapped in one of his nightmares, where there weren't any sounds but so many visuals that it was still too overwhelming to his senses. Everything felt kind of slow-motion and underwater, too sharp when he focused and yet too fuzzy around the edges. The tiles he had been staring at for what felt like forever blurred as he tried to pinpoint _anything_ that he felt but there was just…nothing. Nothing at all.

"Kurt? Hey, baby, look at me."

He wanted to, he did, but his gaze was unyielding at the white tiles. He realised the grouting needed cleaning and there was a thought he should mention it to someone but his mind couldn't quite bring up a name of who to tell.

"_Kurt_."

He could hear now. He could hear the soft voices that sounded too loud, mashed together and confused and he wanted to open his mouth and shout at them but he just didn't _care_ about putting up a fight. He just wanted to sleep. Could he close his eyes and sleep now?

"Kurt, honey." Something touched him, soft and dry and kind of warm. A foggy memory reminded him that the name he wanted for this voice was Carole but what did it matter to acknowledge her by name? Everything felt like so much effort, too much effort, so his mouth stayed quiet and his brain drifted on thoughts that were jumbled and incoherent.

"What's wrong with him?" Rachel whimpered, clinging to Blaine's arm and staring at Kurt with frightened eyes.

Blaine could only shrug, feeling like whatever was eating Kurt up on the inside was something his sister had once again missed, and this time they were _living_ together. It was one thing to miss the bullying Kurt had endured with his head down and his clothes hiding the bruises, but how could she have missed _this_? The second he'd spotted his sister arm-in-arm with Kurt, he knew something was wrong. How could she be so stunningly _blind_?

"Rachel, can you grab me another towel from the cupboard just outside Kurt's door upstairs?"

Rachel nodded at Carole's instruction and darted away, leaving Blaine to gaze mutely at his boyfriend who just looked so completely vacant. It was like he was looking but no longer seeing.

"Blaine, sweetie, you're stronger than me. Can you give me a hand moving him to his bed?" Carole inquired, beckoning him over and bundling the towel tighter around Kurt's torso. "I might need your help in dressing him. I think you've seen parts of him he'd prefer I didn't see."

Blaine blushed at her light teasing, slipping beside Kurt in the small shower and helping Carole get Kurt to his feet. It was strange, carrying Kurt like this, because his feet moved but it was sort of like they were independent from the rest of him, his thoughts scattered and a million miles away.

"Thanks Rachel," Carole said, taking the proffered towel and massaging Kurt's hair gently to eke out the water that was so cold it chilled her hands.

"I should have gotten Finn to break the door down earlier," Rachel mumbled, handing Blaine the warmest pyjamas she could find in Kurt's wardrobe.

Blaine unfolded the flannelette pants and sighed. "I should have been more insistent for him to open the damn door."

"Kids," Carole said firmly, brow furrowed as she looked at them. "You can only do so much. Sometimes it's up to us parents and guardians to do more."

Rachel glanced at her hands which were twisting in knots. "I live with him. I should have-"

"Yeah, you know what?" Blaine cut her off. "You _should_ have noticed. You missed him being bullied in junior year, and now you missed this. You call him your best friend and yet you don't even notice when he's falling apart!"

"Blaine!"

"He locks himself in his room all the time, and when he's not in there, he's at college and working. I hear him screaming during the night! I hear him crying! I see the way he stumbles into the shower some mornings and I hear his key scrape in the lock when he gets home at some ungodly hour of the night or morning when I've already turned in!" Rachel yelled. "But at least I _try_! At least I'm _there_, while you're here and can't do a damn thing!"

Blaine shoved her so hard she fell over, rage coursing through his entire body.

"That's _enough_!" Carole shouted, shocking him out of his furious glare at his sister. "I know you two are siblings but wherever Kurt is in his mind right now, he can hear you, so either stay here for him or get the hell out!"

Blaine was still staring down at his sister, who looked so small and frightened as she stared up at him with shining eyes.

"Fuck this," he muttered, storming up the stairs and out of the house. He heard his fathers call after him, he heard Burt too, but he ignored them in favour of walking in the freezing cold and trying to calm down.

"I'm so sorry," Rachel whispered, climbing to her feet and picking up the clothes Blaine had abandoned at the foot of Kurt's bed. "I didn't mean…"

"I know," Carole said, touching Rachel's hand and squeezing it. "I know. We're all just worried about Kurt and sometimes worry frays our tempers more than it should."

Rachel nodded silently, helping Carole tug on the pants and trying not to blush at her hands passing too close to Kurt's crotch. God, best friends and she'd missed this. Blaine was right. She should have noticed this, because she'd failed at her own promise to keep Kurt safe, even if that meant from himself, and she'd failed Blaine's begged promise of her to watch out for Kurt.

Carole eased the warm shirt over Kurt's head before pulling the blankets around him and tucking him in tightly.

"Is he going to be okay?" Rachel asked as Carole bit her lip at the empty expression on Kurt's face.

"Honestly?" Carole said, glancing up at Rachel. "I want to say yes but he's worrying me a lot."

Rachel wanted to ask more but Carole rose from the bed and took her arm to leave the bedroom, dimming the light where Kurt lay unnervingly still and staring blankly at his wall.

Carole tried to explain to Burt that Kurt was okay and resting, shooting Rachel a look to keep silent. Blaine had gotten upset with Rachel and needed some time cool off, but he'd be back later and she'd keep an eye on Kurt until he returned.

"I didn't realise he was so…" Leroy frowned as he searched for the word. "Fragile? I don't know. I was just trying to let him know we're here for him too if he needs us."

"I know, Dad," Rachel assured, kneeling in front of him and taking his hand. "Kurt knows that too. He had this huge paper due on Tuesday and no matter how many friends he's made at Tisch, I think maybe we overwhelmed him a little." She glanced at Carole, who nodded her agreement at the assessment.

Leroy sighed and looked to his husband. "I think we've suitably destroyed your Thanksgiving for the night. Thank you for having us, Burt."

Burt climbed to his feet to shake each of their hands, trying to insist that Kurt would be fine and not hold it against them, the words ringing false to his own ears as the worry over his son ate at his heart.

"Are you coming home, Rachel?" Hiram asked from the doorstep.

Rachel looked between Finn, Carole and Burt, uncertainty all over her face.

"You can either stay here with Finn or he can go to your place if your dads are okay with it," Burt said, patting her shoulder.

"I'll…I'll stay here?" she said nervously. "I want to wait for Blaine to come back. I know I've let him down and I'll read a book or something in Kurt's room until he gets back."

Hiram nodded and kissed her cheek before Leroy bid her a goodnight as well.

She re-entered the house, feeling distinctly awkward with Finn hovering beside her and knowing that she and Carole had been involved in lying to Kurt's dad about Kurt's condition downstairs.

"Finn, honey, why don't you help me put the leftovers away from dinner? Burt, go and get ready for bed. I'll be up in twenty, okay? And Rachel…" Carole smiled at her and touched her arm. "Go find a good book. I don't know how long Blaine will be out but it might be a while."

Rachel nodded, reaching up to kiss Finn's cheek and hunting out a book from the bookshelf and heading downstairs.

She shivered at how Kurt was _still_ staring at the wall and sat on the edge of the bed, opening to the first page and reading aloud softly. Carole peeked in when she was at page ten to say Finn was going to watch a movie on his laptop and check if there was any change in Kurt's mute condition. Rachel shook her head, placing her hand between Kurt's shoulder blades and wondering when her brother would get back. Carole said a quiet goodnight and headed back upstairs, telling Rachel to get her if anything got worse for Kurt.

Rachel looked over at Kurt and wondered how it could get worse.

She kept reading, giving strange accents to some of the characters and practicing her vocal work that she'd been struggling with when reading on her own. She had just turned to page fifty when she heard the door click open and glanced up to tell Carole that no, there was still no change, when she recognised Blaine's shoes and closed the book.

"He's still…" Tears spilled down Blaine's face as he covered his mouth to muffle his sob. "Did I do this, Rach? Did I miss it?"

"No more than I did," she whispered, rising to her feet to hug him. He sobbed into her shoulder, thinking that going for a walk that was nearly two hours would have been enough for Kurt to snap out of wherever he had disappeared to. But as he wiped at his eyes roughly, the only change in Kurt was he wasn't shivering anymore from the icy water that had been hitting him when Blaine had finally gotten into the bathroom. He wasn't even sure what he would have preferred seeing either – Kurt's lack of contact with reality, or Kurt bleeding from wounds to his wrists, which Blaine had thought was what had happened.

He crawled onto the bed beside Kurt, wrapping his shaking arms around him and crying into his neck. "Please Kurt…please…whatever it is I did…wherever you are…come back…listen to me…I love you…_please…_"

Rachel hastily brushed away her own tears and slid onto the bed beside her brother, cuddling him as best as she could and stroking her fingers through his curly hair. "Maybe we should sing to him?"

Blaine clutched at Kurt's hands as Rachel started singing, soft and yet still pure. He realised why Kurt liked being sung to or humming when he was upset, because it was soothing, and he also realised how much he'd missed his sister's voice while she'd been away the past couple of months. His own rattled nerves calmed slightly as he listened and hummed quiet harmonies into Kurt's ear.

After about half an hour, he felt a twitch in one of Kurt's fingers and blinked his eyes open to look closer at Kurt. Rachel's eyes widened but she kept singing, her wobbling voice the only thing that betrayed her curiosity, as Blaine moved to hover above Kurt and hold his face.

"Kurt, baby, come on. I know you're in there," he whispered, gazing into the eyes that seemed a little less distant than when he'd gotten back earlier. Or was it his imagination? He shook his head, tears splashing against Kurt's cheeks, as Kurt's eyelids fluttered closed and he gasped in a deep breath. "Kurt?"

It felt like he'd been sleeping, only he hadn't been, because he'd heard people that were real and the pictures that played against the wall he'd been staring at were just impressions of leftover dreams. He opened his eyes, feeling totally confused because how did he get here? Why was Blaine crying? Why was Rachel beside him sobbing?

He licked his lips which felt so dry and swallowed. "Blaine?" God, his voice was so raspy and his throat felt like he'd been singing for _days_ without a break.

"_Kurt_, oh my God," Blaine whimpered, burying his face in Kurt's shoulder. Kurt could feel him shaking and watched with silent fascination as his arms seemed to move of their own accord and wrap around Blaine, and he realised that although he could feel Blaine against his chest, he couldn't really _feel_ him with his fingertips. He could _see_ it, but it was like his hands weren't really his.

Rachel sniffled loudly beside him and grabbed a tissue off the bedside table to blow her nose.

"What happened?" he said, licking the inside of his mouth because it was just so damn _dry_.

"I was hoping you could tell us that," Rachel murmured, brushing his hair back and gazing at him with her large brown eyes. His blank expression made her realise he had no idea. "You…you got angry with my Dad or something and locked yourself in the bathroom under the shower. When we finally got to you, the water had run cold and you were shivering but…but you weren't…" She rubbed between her eyebrows and exhaled slowly. "You weren't _there_. You were just staring. It's…" She looked over at the clock beside Kurt's bed. "It's been nearly three hours I guess since we found you."

"Three _hours_?" No wonder Blaine was so upset. He hadn't meant to get lost in his mind. He wasn't even sure that's what had happened. He only remembered the hot water on him and then just…nothing. Like he'd been sleeping. Only he hadn't had any nightmares so he knew that he couldn't have slept because he always had bad dreams now.

Blaine trembled and Kurt tightened his grip, vaguely recognising that his fingers registered the fabric of Blaine's shirt but still not feeling like his hands actually belonged to him. It was like staring at himself in the mirror or watching everything externally. It still didn't quite feel _real_ somehow.

Rachel kissed Kurt's forehead and squeezed her brother's shoulders before heading upstairs to Finn.

"I'm sorry," Kurt mumbled when she was gone, having no idea what to say.

"You're…? Kurt, _no_. I didn't…I should have…" Blaine shook his head and pulled back to sit with his knees tucked beneath him. "Something's _wrong_, Kurt. You don't just…you can't just disappear like that and for it to be normal."

"I'm just tired, okay?" Kurt sighed, turning his hands over in front of his face and wondering why they felt so disconnected from the rest of his body. "Maybe it just caught up with me."

"This is more than just sleeping badly." Blaine frowned as he watched what Kurt was doing and felt that there was something just so _wrong_ about the expression on Kurt's face. "What are you thinking?" he said suddenly.

"Huh?" Kurt blinked and dropped his hands to his chest. "Oh, I…I guess just that…I should sleep, y'know? I mean, I'm afraid of having bad dreams and stuff but…I guess I just have to deal with it."

Blaine knew it was a lie and Kurt knew that Blaine knew it too, but he couldn't feel any reason to tell Blaine how he actually felt right now because it would just make Blaine worry more.

"Will you stay tonight?" Kurt asked, looking nervous as he sat up in front of Blaine. "I know you didn't sleep well last night because of me but-"

"Of _course_ I'll stay," Blaine interrupted, pressing his index finger against Kurt's lips. "I'm not going anywhere unless you want me to, okay? And if you want me to stay, I'll stay."

Kurt could see the finger, but he couldn't feel it against his lips. This whole thing was becoming one of the strangest experiences he'd ever had and honestly hoped that sleep deprivation was to blame.

"I want you to stay," he breathed and Blaine smiled weakly.

"I'll just go change and brush my teeth, okay?"

Kurt nodded, curling back under the covers and holding on to the pillow his head rested on. His eyes closed as he thought about losing three hours, and realised with a pang that he'd completely missed Thanksgiving dinner and his mini spat with Leroy had probably destroyed it for everyone else. And God, his father! Had his father seen him? He didn't need the stress, Lord knew.

The bed dipped as Blaine slid under the covers and pulled Kurt against his body.

"I ruined Thanksgiving, didn't I?" he mumbled, eyes opening to the darkness of his room.

Blaine kissed the back of his neck. "Maybe a little, but we won't hold it against you."

"Does my father know?"

"Know what? That you spaced out?" Kurt made a soft noise. "Not that I'm aware. I doubt Carole would have wanted to tell him the extent of it. She probably told him that you were fine and tucked up in bed with a bit of exhaustion or something and you'd be back up for breakfast in the morning."

Kurt ached to believe it but still felt so awfully guilty for causing more worry in his family. A part of him thought that maybe he shouldn't have returned home for Thanksgiving, that the crushing need he had for warmth and love was going to backfire when he had to return to New York in two and a bit days and instead of assuring Blaine and his dad that he was fine and Tisch was wonderful, he'd made his entire family _and_ Leroy and Hiram concerned about his welfare.

"I love you," Blaine murmured against his skin, breath slightly ticklish. "I love you, now and forever and for always."

A single tear hit the pillow from Kurt's eye as he shut them tightly and willed the emotions to go away. "I love you too."

Blaine snuggled him until his breathing evened out, long before Kurt entertained the idea of sleep. Thoughts turned over and over in his mind, interspersed with the demons of his dreams, until exhaustion finally seeped into his bones and he gave in to its pull.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **I have little to say beyond _Poor Kurt_ and _it's going to get worse before it gets better_. Can't wait to hear your thoughts! xo


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** A Family By Any Other Name  
><strong>Author:<strong> an-alternate-world  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M  
><strong>CharactersPairings:** Kurt/Blaine  
><strong>Word count:<strong> 6,100  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Kurt hadn't known what to expect from his first year at college. He thought it would be difficult with the workload and being apart from Blaine, but he tried not to have too many expectations. Even if he had, he couldn't have envisioned it like this..  
><strong>WarningsSpoilers: **No spoilers because the story builds on the prequel, _A Sibling By Any Other Name_. If you haven't read that, you'll definitely want to because this probably won't make a heck of a lot of sense. As for **warnings**, ANGST ANGST ANGST.  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I am in no way associated with _Glee, FOX_, Ryan Murphy or anything else related to the _Glee _universe.

* * *

><p>He woke the following morning to the lightest of kisses to his temple. His eyes fluttered open to catch Blaine's chin moving back from his face.<p>

"I didn't mean to wake you," he murmured, kissing Kurt's forehead down to his nose. "I just woke up and you were here and I couldn't keep my mouth off you."

Kurt raised a silent eyebrow as he registered he hadn't had any dreams that he could remember from last night. Still, one night of sleep didn't mean he was cured, though he did feel better.

Blaine, meanwhile, had blushed to the tips of his ears and cuddled Kurt into his chest. "I just meant I love you. I love you being here."

Kurt could feel Blaine's erection pressing into his thigh and raised his leg slightly to push against it.  
>"K-Kurt," Blaine stammered with a groan. "You don't-"<p>

"Shh," Kurt whispered, grabbing the bottle of lube and a condom from his bedside drawer and dragging Blaine's pyjama bottoms off. Blaine was so hard, his erection curving over his lower belly, and Kurt couldn't help but lower his mouth to lick a stripe along the vein. Blaine's breath stuttered in his chest as Kurt encouraged him to roll over onto his knees, slicking lube over his fingers and circling Blaine's rim.

Blaine moaned and desperately whined for more before he was properly adjusted and stretched, and Kurt hurried to acquiesce by sliding on the condom and easing inside of Blaine. Blaine's cries of pleasure were muffled into the pillow his face was buried in, his ass rocking back to meet Kurt's thrusts and his body trembling as Kurt shifted and grazed his prostate. He clenched his fingers into the pillow as Kurt stroked down his back and gripped his hips.

But as Kurt kept going, the strange sensation of unreality began to trickle down his spine. It felt like he was watching someone else fuck Blaine, or like he'd invaded the mind of someone doing it. His body kept rolling but it was almost automatic, the bliss dissipating under a haze of disinterest. He heard Blaine's shout as he came, felt the tightening around his own dick bringing him close. But his own orgasm felt like nothing, maybe like the deflated sigh pop bottles gave when they'd gone flat and lost their fizz.

He slid away from Blaine, disposing of the condom and padding into the shower. He missed Blaine's fearful face and the stifled sob as he bit down on his hand.

As he washed away the sweat from his body, he wondered if this numbness to living was temporary or here to stay. Living like he was in a perpetual dream world would hurt when he woke up, but feeling like an emotionless robot didn't seem as bad as the anxiety to complete assignments. It felt like an impossible impasse.

* * *

><p>Kurt was aware of his father's eyes on him most of the day as he sat and watched TV with his family. Actually, almost everyone was watching him except for Finn, and he had to keep biting down on his lip to stop an explosion from frustration because he was <em>fine<em> and the constant staring was doing nothing for his nerves. Blaine rubbed his arm soothingly but it just felt patronising instead, like Blaine _knew_ he was upset but didn't want to actually stop anyone from staring at Kurt.

When Carole moved away to start on dinner, Rachel announced that she and Blaine had to eat dinner with her fathers that night. Blaine looked over at his sister with confusion but she politely explained that Leroy and Hiram missed having family dinners with the four of them and she was only home a couple more nights.

Kurt wasn't sure if he was grateful for the reprieve from Rachel and Blaine's side-eyes, or afraid of losing the buffer between his father and Carole's questions. He knew it would be incredibly easy to tell Finn to go and find something to do and stay busy, and then the interrogation into what was going on and how he was doing would begin. His head hurt with all the conflicting thoughts, but Blaine assured him on the doorstep that he'd be back after dinner to continue to snuggle Kurt while he slept. Part of him was glad Blaine would return, because he dearly hoped that he could achieve a second night of good sleep.

He kissed Blaine's cheek and sent him on his way with Rachel, closing the door and turning.

"We need to have a talk," his father said, brows knitted together.

His father was nothing if not predictable with his 'talks'.

He sighed and followed his father into the family room where Burt told Finn to make himself scarce. Finn looked between Burt and Carole and disappeared up the stairs with a grumble.

"Sit."

Kurt sat on the couch, looking uncomfortably down at his lap as his hands knotted together.

"Kurt, you can relax, it's just us," Carole said, sitting on the arm of Burt's chair and taking Burt's large hand in hers.

"It's a little intimidating," Kurt confessed, eyes darting to his father who forcibly relaxed his demeanour.

"Look Kurt, we're just worried about you," Burt began. "Not just me or Carole, but Blaine and Rachel and their fathers too. Finn is concerned in his own way." Carole's lips twitched into a smile. "It was clear to me the moment you walked in that you aren't sleeping or eating well, and you can only blame college food or cooking for yourself so much for the latter one."

Kurt smiled at the weak attempt at a joke and tried not to pick at the edge of a nail that had developed and grabbed his attention so strongly he struggled to focus on what his father was saying.

"Is there something more we can do for you, Kurt? Do you need to drop some units or talk to someone in New York?" his father asked. "I don't know what to do to help you, Kurt. I didn't go to college, but Carole did and she knows that it's not the easiest road but you seem to be having a harder time navigating the path than she thinks is strictly 'normal'."

"I've never been what you'd call normal," Kurt said softly, raising his head to look at his father. "I'm gay, Dad. I'm gay, I sound like a girl, and until the last few years I was chubby and unattractive and no one would have wanted me."

"That's just part of being a teenager though," Carole said gently.

Kurt shrugged. He didn't really know anything different from being a teenager. He was still learning this whole 'maturing' thing, and unfortunately it wasn't taught at Tisch or anywhere else or maybe he'd have an easier time of it.

"What I'm trying to say is that I'm not a normal person, so how could my reaction to a situation be considered normal when everything else about me isn't?" he challenged. "I'm doing things my way and I'm still getting straight A's. What more do you want from me? I just want to make you proud." His voice cracked and he swallowed down the threat of tears that burned at his throat.

His father huffed and switched chairs to sit beside him. "Kurt, I already _am_ proud of you. You're at college and maybe Tisch wasn't your first choice, I respect that, but you're still following your dreams. I was proud of you when you came out to me, I was proud of you when you graduated, I was proud of you when you turned ten years old and I was proud of you when you cried in my arms just moments after being born." Burt wiped a stray tear away and wrapped his arm around Kurt's shoulders. "I just want my baby boy to be taking care of himself, that's all I ask. And if there's something I can do, somewhere you need to go to talk to someone who can help you through college or help you sleep better or work out meal plans, then you should know you can talk to me and I'll move heaven and earth to make sure that you're being looked after in New York when I can't be there for you."

Tears dripped off Kurt's nose into his lap as his father pulled him into an awkward side-hug, resting his cheek against Kurt's hair. Carole moved over to crouch in front of Kurt and hold his hand, wiping away his tears with her thumb and smiling kindly at him.

"We just want you to be safe and okay in New York, Kurt," she reiterated.

He nodded, because he'd gotten that part of the speech. His father gripped him firmly, in a way that only his father ever had, as Carole went to the kitchen to start on dinner.

The TV played quietly in the background, neither Kurt nor his father really paying much attention to it, as they stayed together until Carole called Finn downstairs and told them it was ready.

* * *

><p>Blaine returned later that evening after Burt and Carole had gone to bed, Rachel in tow and looking slightly guilty when he saw Kurt.<p>

"You knew, didn't you? That he was going to talk to me?" Kurt said when Blaine sat beside him on the couch and pulled Kurt against his chest.

"Of course I did," Blaine said, kissing Kurt's hair. "But I didn't put him up to it. It was just alarmingly clear that he wanted to have words with you and it wouldn't have taken a blind man to see that."

Kurt sighed and cuddled into Blaine.

"Was it that bad?"

"No, he just wanted to offer extra support or finding people in New York to talk to if that's what I needed," Kurt explained, relaxing as Blaine's hand stroked over his cheek and through his hair.

"Is it what you need?" Blaine asked quietly.

"I don't know _what_ I need anymore," Kurt admitted, gazing at the TV and feeling decidedly tired of watching crap. "But I know that this TV is boring as hell."

"Hey! It's football!" Finn protested.

"And it's _boring_," Kurt repeated, climbing free of Blaine's arms and tugging him down to the basement.

Blaine shut the door behind them and crawled onto the bed to lay with his chin against Kurt's chest.

"Are you tired?" Blaine questioned, reaching for Kurt's hand and sliding their fingers together.

"Somewhat," Kurt said before yawning.

"I'd say that's a definite yes," Blaine said wryly, raising himself up to kiss Kurt's lips. "Come on. Let's get ready for bed."

Kurt grumbled softly in complaint before relenting. When he and Blaine had changed and brushed their teeth, Blaine switched off the lights and slipped beneath the blankets, humming until Kurt sagged with sleep and Blaine knew he had drifted off.

* * *

><p>Kurt's dreams that night weren't bad enough to wake Blaine, but they were bad enough to have Kurt twice wriggle out of bed to pace the small area of his bathroom to try and scrub the images from his mind. He considered waking Blaine but felt there was little Blaine could actually <em>do<em> in this situation except hug him and reassure him it was okay, which was all fine and dandy if Kurt was a four year old and the scariest thing was the monsters that lived under his bed.

But these monsters didn't live under his bed. These monsters lived inside his _head_ and were inescapable, haunting him constantly regardless of whether he was awake or asleep.

When he'd calmed enough to register that his trembling hands had eased, he carefully crept back into the bed where Blaine automatically grabbed at his warmth and nervously went back to sleep.

* * *

><p>The entire day Kurt was filled with a sense of trepidation and foreboding. He didn't feel he could explain it to anyone because they'd just deem him paranoid, but it left him uncomfortable for the whole day. Blaine got frustrated with him at one stage because he kept shifting in Blaine's lap while watching the television so he'd walked away to find a book. When he hadn't made it past the second page due to an inability to concentrate, he flopped on his bed with a sketchbook and pencil and doodled some rough designs of clothing combinations he thought might look good together with his wardrobe in New York. But even that didn't hold his attention very long, so he re-organised parts of his bedroom so he knew where things were, cleared out several drawers of old clothes that no longer fit, and made biscuits with Rachel that he had to protect from Finn's greedy hands with a spatula.<p>

By the time dinner rolled around, Kurt was tired, fidgety and not especially hungry. He poked at his carrots with disinterest as Blaine gripped his hand beneath the table, firm and warm and silent reassurance even though he had no idea the inner turmoil Kurt was feeling. Despite Carole's arguing that he had been busy enough today, he insisted on cleaning away the dishes because he just needed to keep _moving_. He could hear the quiet voices of Carole, Finn and Rachel talking, Rachel apparently regaling Carole with stories of New York and NYADA, when he heard a gasp and the shattering of a glass.

He rolled his eyes and bent to retrieve the dustpan and sweeper from the cupboard under the sink when Blaine started yelling his name.

Abandoning what he was doing, he ran for the family room and froze.

"It's okay, Burt. Stay calm. Here, hold my hand," Carole was saying, squeezing Burt's left hand tightly between her own.

Burt was ashen faced as he struggled to breath, clutching a hand to his chest and wheezing.

"Dad?" Kurt dropped to his knees beside Burt, grabbing his hand and rubbing it. "Don't do this, Dad. You're okay."

"The ambulance is on its way," Rachel broke in, putting her phone on the table and trembling in Finn's arms.

"I can't…it hurts…" Burt choked out, tears of pain running down his face as he glanced wildly between Carole and Kurt.

"I know it does," Kurt assured, even though he had no bloody idea what it felt like. "I know, but it's okay. The ambulance will be here soon. It's okay."

Carole had her fingers pressed to Burt's wrist and was closely watching her watch, counting beats off in her head. Blaine felt utterly useless as he sat there, knowing that being here for Kurt this time wasn't enough. It was terrifying and he didn't feel like he could move as Kurt chattered nonsense to his father.

"You know, if you were trying to draw attention away from me ruining Thanksgiving, it's working," Kurt joked, a pained grunt passing Burt's lips as he smiled briefly.

They all heard the siren of the approaching ambulance and Blaine stumbled to his feet, thankful to feel like he had a purpose, as he rushed outside to meet it and direct the paramedics where to go.

Carole rattled off details about irregularities and how long the palpitations had been going on as one paramedic hooked Burt up to a heart monitor and another inserted an IV. Blaine had to give them credit at the speed they worked as he untangled Kurt to pull him away.

"No! I need to hold onto him!" Kurt cried, wrestling in Blaine's arms to get free.

"You need to let them do their job," Blaine whispered in his ear, clamping his arms down tighter until Kurt stopped struggling so hard.

Kurt was barely even aware that he was crying as he followed his father on the stretcher into the ambulance and gripped his father's hand so tightly it hurt even _his_ knuckles.

"I'm here, Dad. It's gonna be okay," he sobbed over and over.

Burt squeezed his hand as reassuringly as he could as Carole called that she'd be following right behind them. The doors closed and Kurt hardly noticed the siren or the speed they travelled at as he refused to tear his eyes away from his father's. He tried to remind himself that his father was conscious, he was able to mumble answers around the oxygen mask and respond to Kurt's hold on his hand, but it was still scaring him out of his mind at all the paraphernalia his father was connected to that showed his irregular heartbeat on the monitor.

When the back doors opened and bright light streamed in, Kurt had to shield his eyes at the flurry of activity of doctors and nurses assisting the stretcher out of the ambulance. He jogged beside them all as the paramedics talked in more medical speak, until a nurse expertly snagged him and his father disappeared into the restricted area.

"No! Let me _go_!" he screamed, flinging his arms because didn't they _understand_? He needed to stay with his father! He needed-

His face was suddenly smashed into Finn's broad chest as he helped the nurse restrain Kurt until his fights weakened and he fell to his knees, sobbing so much he could barely breathe.

"C'mon Kurt, he's going to be okay," Finn mumbled, rubbing his back as Blaine gathered him into his lap and rocked him back and forth.

"Shhh, Kurt…shh…" Blaine hushed, and maybe he felt like a baby but he could only be hysterical for so long before the difficulty breathing caught up with him and he started trying to choke in more air. "Hey, shh…breathe with me Kurt, remember? Breathe with me. Feel me breathing, alright? We're gonna breathe in…"

As his temporary panic subsided, he started to become more aware of Finn and Rachel helping Blaine out of the middle of the walkway between the ambulance bay and the restricted area behind the motorised glass doors. He saw an elderly couple in the corner holding hands and looking surprisingly calm for being in the emergency waiting room so late at night. An exasperated mother nursed her swaddled infant who was, at that stage, mercifully quiet considering how loudly Kurt had been crying.

Immediately he felt overcome with guilt and shame at causing such a scene, hiding his face in Blaine's sweater and clinging to the fabric. There were so many differences to the last time he was here that a part of him felt it would be more normal to have Mr Schue and Miss Pillsbury fussing over him while his knees bounced out of uncontrollable anxiety, but his nerves were too frayed from months of nightmares and an awful night of sleep and instead he remained firmly entrenched in Blaine's arms.

He only stirred when Blaine coaxed his head free and he blinked his raw eyes open to see Carole.

"Carole? Is he-"

"He's _fine_," she said, her hand closing over his knee. "He's fine, Kurt. It was just an arrhythmia. It wasn't a heart attack. His heart just clunked into a bad rhythm and couldn't get back again and he jumped to the worst case scenario and I'd say so did you," she chided with a small smile.

"So he's okay?"

Carole nodded. "He's totally okay. They're going to keep him in overnight for observation but they gave him a couple of injections in his IV which settled his heart down and it jolted back again into regularity so he's feeling a lot better. A little tired maybe and his blood pressure is a tad low but that's to be expected. The doctor is already expecting he'll be released before you get your plane back to New York tomorrow with Rachel."

"I can't go back to New York now though!" Kurt frowned, looking at Rachel.

"Of course you can," Carole soothed. "And you _will_, because you only have a month until term is over and you've done so much hard work to get to this stage. I promise that I'll be here and looking after your father, and so is Finn, and I'm sure Blaine will be over every other day as your substitute."

Blaine felt his cheeks turn pink and Rachel giggled behind her hand.

"But what if-"

"The doctor on-call has already contacted your dad's cardiologist and set up an emergency appointment on Monday. There'll probably be a few changes of medication to make sure this sort of thing doesn't happen again but you need to hear me Kurt," Carole said, gazing at Kurt with so much honesty and earnestness in her face that Kurt felt tears fill his eyes again, "Burt is okay."

He sniffled and Rachel held out a tissue from the packet she'd been clutching in her hand. He nodded his thanks and blew his nose as Blaine's hand rubbed up and down his spine.

"Can I see him?"

"Of course you can, honey," Carole smiled, holding out her hand. "Come on. I'll show you to the room they settled him into. He's already complaining that the TV isn't big enough."

Blaine snorted and helped Kurt to his feet, letting him have his moment with his father while Blaine stayed in the waiting room with Finn and Rachel.

"Hey buddy," Burt said, smiling wearily at Kurt when he appeared in the doorway. "Can't get rid of me that easily."

Kurt gave a slightly hysterical sob as he wrapped his arms around his father and pressed his nose into the crook of Burt's shoulder. "I was so scared."

"I know, sport, so was I," Burt confessed, hugging Kurt's body against him. "But it's going to take a lot more than this stupid heart to get rid of me. I'll have to get hit by a truck or something."

"You work as a mechanic, Burt, that's not funny," Carole reproached from her place by his bedside.

"Yeah, but I work on cars, don't I?" he said, releasing Kurt and looking him in the eye. "Sorry to spoil your Thanksgiving weekend with a trip to the hospital."

Kurt choked and wiped the fresh tears off his cheeks. "Better you than me, right?"

"Yeah, you breaking your arm when you were four was enough to make me wrap you in bubble wrap for a month," Burt said with a grin. "Eventually your mother found my secret stash and threw it away and banned me from ever doing it again."

"I was a bubble wrap child?"

"You were a bubble wrap child."

Kurt couldn't help laughing at the image of him as a helpless four year old with a cast on his arm and waddling around in a bubble wrap dress like the one he'd seen in an old episode of _Ugly Betty_ years ago.

"That's more like it," Burt nodded, touching Kurt's hand. "I'm sure Carole's told you it wasn't a heart attack and I'm going to be okay, bud. So how about you go home with the others and get some sleep and I'll see you in the morning when they let me outta this hellhole?"

"It's a _hospital_, Dad. Not a hellhole."

"Have you seen the size of the TV?" Burt protested.

Kurt glanced at it and rolled his eyes. "You'll be back to the big screen tomorrow if they discharge you."

"They'd better. That pathetic little thing won't do me much good at all."

Kurt forced himself to keep a straight face as he kissed his father's cheek and Carole gently led him back to the waiting room.

"I just want to switch my shifts around so I'll be right back, alright?" she said to the teens.

They nodded and Blaine immediately reached for Kurt to hug him again.

"How is he?"

"Griping about the TV and talking about how I was wrapped in bubble wrap as a child when I broke my wrist."

"You broke your wrist?" Blaine raised an eyebrow. "Huh. I didn't know that."

"Well, it was a bit before your time. I was four."

"I remember that!" Rachel said with a faraway smile. "Your cast was yellow because blue was too male and pink was too girly and you wanted something bright and cheerful. I remember thinking it was perfect to draw stars all over."

"You and your gold stars started way too early," Kurt teased.

"At least I knew my destiny before I was even born."

Kurt laughed and Blaine reached for his arms to examine his wrists. "Which one was it?"

Kurt thought for a moment before raising his right one. "I fell off a fence I think. I don't really remember it too clearly. Just that there was a cast and it was wretched."

Blaine turned his arm over and searched every inch, finding the tiniest of scars down one side nestled among the creases where his hand joined his wrist. "I thought I knew every mark on you but apparently not."

"Okay, can we stop the lovey dovey moment before I puke?" Finn muttered as Carole reappeared to take them home.

The ride back to the Hummel-Hudson's was quiet and rather cramped with Kurt, Rachel and Blaine squished into the backseat. Thankfully the drive was fairly short but Kurt still felt relieved when he was able to clamber out and stretch his legs. The lights were still on in the house, giving it an eerie sense of complete normality if they hadn't all known what had occurred only a couple of hours ago.

Carole unlocked the door and shooed the children to bed, even though Kurt told her he hadn't finished the cleaning up and there was still a broken glass to dispose of. Mostly he just needed something to keep his mind occupied but Carole was more insistent and Blaine eventually pulled him away and led him to his bedroom.

But he didn't want to sit still or lay in Blaine's arms, so he bustled around his room again, moving things just to have something to do. Blaine sat on his bed, silently watching until Kurt stared around and realised there was nothing left to be done.

"Can I cuddle you now?" Blaine asked.

"I just…I need to keep busy…I don't want to sleep…I don't want the thoughts to come back," Kurt mumbled, pacing the bedroom floor and frowning.

"I'm sure I can keep you plenty busy," Blaine said, rising to his feet and capturing Kurt's hands when he stopped moving for a moment. "You know, if you broke your right wrist now, that would _suck_."

Kurt didn't understand for a moment, before his eyes widened and he burst into giggles. "I can't believe you would make a joke like that right now."

Blaine shrugged, a half-smile lighting his face. "I needed to break the tension somehow."

"Tension of the sexual kind?"

"Is that what's on your mind?" Blaine hummed, fingers circling the hem of Kurt's hoodie and tugging their hips together.

"Really, Blaine? My father's in the hospital after a heart problem and you want to have sex?"

Blaine stepped back like he'd been slapped. "I just thought-"

"Well no. Whatever you _thought_, Blaine, I'm not interested right now. I might not want to sleep but that doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with you as a distraction."

"Kurt-"

"Just shut up," Kurt snapped, turning away from Blaine's hurt face to inhale deeply. "Sleep here tonight. I'm going to sleep upstairs."

"_Kurt_-"

"Good night, Blaine."

He pulled the door shut, feeling ridiculous that he was wilfully abandoning his _own_ room, but he needed to get away, needed space, needed _something_ other than the expression on Blaine's face. Carole had finished cleaning up apparently and gone to her own bed, the house in darkness except for the soft glow emanating from the electronics.

On the upper storey, he could hear the deep rumble of Finn's voice talking softly and interspersed with Rachel's higher one, but he hated how engulfed in guilt he felt as he calmed down and collapsed onto the couch, the same couch he'd sat on and listened to his father lecture him on taking care of himself. Well, there'd be another lecture before he got on the plane about his father eating even healthier than he already was if Kurt had his way.

He stared at the flashing red light on the TV to indicate it was in standby mode until he heard the door to his basement bedroom creaking open.

"Kurt?"

He sighed, rolling over and squashing a pillow beneath his head, trying to pretend he was asleep.

He heard Blaine's shuffling footsteps as he moved around the house until they entered the family room and stopped. He could hear the shakiness in Blaine's breath, a sure sign that he was either still silently crying, or had been and his breathing hadn't returned to normal yet.

"I know you're not really asleep," Blaine said somewhere to Kurt's left near the doorway. "I know what your breathing sounds like when you're asleep after the last few days. You can't fool me that easily."

Beneath the cushion, Kurt's fingers curled into a ball of pent-up frustration. "Go away, Blaine."

"No," Blaine said, his feet whispering against the floor until his knees gave a clicky protest and he knelt in front of Kurt. "Come to bed, Kurt. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"No, you shouldn't have." If he kept his answers short, if he repeated Blaine's words, then Blaine wouldn't catch on to how hurt he was, how he was struggling with keeping his emotions in check again tonight.

"Kurt, _please_," Blaine pleaded. He touched Kurt's shoulder and Kurt flinched away in the dark as if he'd been burned. Blaine broke into soft sobs and Kurt felt awash with self-hatred because Blaine deserved better than this, better than him and all his problems and his emotional instability and all the shit that he'd had to deal with since Kurt had come back for a stupid holiday that had been ruined so many times over.

"I don't know what to do anymore," Blaine whispered, the tears still evident in his voice. "I don't know what you want from me. You're still Kurt and I still love you but I…I feel like I don't know you. You keep pushing me away and it hurts more than you know."

Kurt felt his heart clench painfully in his chest, his stomach swooping at the agony that coloured Blaine's words.

"Am I doing too much? Or am I not doing enough? I don't know with you, Kurt. I don't know what you want and if you want me to leave you alone, if you…" His voice caught as he heaved a shuddering breath. "If you want to leave me then you just have to say so. I don't want to be this presence that you no longer want in your life."

"So now it's gone from sex to a breakup speech?" Kurt said, feeling the tears seeping onto the pillow and spreading into a wet patch that was fast becoming awful to have his face against.

"I'm not breaking up with you," Blaine said. "I'm _not_. I just…I just want to know what to _do_, Kurt. I feel so useless here when you're in New York. I feel so useless here when you're not even a foot away from me and you may as well be in fucking China for all the distance I feel between us right now."

Kurt cringed at the expletive, the harshness that suddenly entered Blaine's words. It wasn't often that either of them swore outside of sex and somehow that affected Kurt more than the hurt in Blaine's voice.

"I remember wanting to drive from Dalton to take care of you when your father was in the hospital last time, but Rachel told me I was nothing to you so I should just stay and not worry about it." Blaine sniffled and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "And now I'm here, and we're together, and I still don't know what to do."

Kurt trembled as he reached blindly for Blaine's hand, guided only by vague outlines in the darkness. His fingers brushed against Blaine's chest and drifted lower, searching. Blaine's fingers slid between his quickly and squeezed tightly, and he weakly squeezed back.

"I'm sorry I've been such a bitch this weekend," Kurt murmured as he sniffed back tears. "This was meant to be a good time for us to be together and I fucked it up and put my Dad back in the hospital and I've made you cry so many times."

"Kurt, no," Blaine said, shaking his head even though Kurt couldn't see it and crawling closer to the couch. Kurt could feel Blaine's breath against his face and knew they had to be close. "Your father isn't in the hospital because of you, he's there because of his heart."

"Which is brought on by stress, which I've caused more than enough of the last few days," Kurt interrupted.

Blaine sighed, his lips pressing to Kurt's eyebrow and making them both giggle softly at how badly Blaine missed his forehead. "We only stress about you because we love you," Blaine said firmly. "We love you because you're part of the family and that's what family _does_, Kurt. It _cares_. My dads and your dad and Carole and Rachel and Finn and I, we care and we love you. We just want to help."

"I don't know how you can help anymore though," Kurt said quietly. Blaine squeezed his hand and he continued. "Like, I don't know how to solve the problems. I don't know if I should be talking to someone or dropping units like my dad suggested. I don't know. It feels like too much but if I cut back on things, I'll have more time to think and if I start thinking, then maybe I'll end up worse because I'll miss you and worry over my dad more and I can't handle the idea of more fear invading my mind."

"Is that how you feel a lot of the time? Fearful? Anxious?"

Kurt nodded until he realised Blaine couldn't see it. "I'm scared when I lay down and try to sleep because I don't know what I'll dream that night. I'm scared when I wake up because of whatever I've dreamed. I'm scared when I'm at Tisch because there are assignments and I start fretting over how I'm going to get them all done on time and to a good enough standard. I'm always so damn anxious and I don't know how to control it."

Blaine kissed the back of his hand and then held it over his heart. "Maybe you have an anxiety problem? Like, a disorder or something. It's not right to feel so panicked all the time, Kurt."

"I'm not sick, Blaine."

"Hey, I'm not saying you are. I'm just saying that there are people who are trained to help in these sorts of situations. People that can do more than me or Carole or Rachel. People that can help you set up goals and plan things so you aren't so anxious all the time."

"Great, so now I'm even more of a freak than I was before because there's something wrong with my head."

Blaine knew he shouldn't have, but he started humming _Raise Your Glass_ beneath his breath. He even prepared himself for the light fist he got to the shoulder and didn't topple to the ground as might have been expected if Kurt wasn't so predictable.

"Just consider it, okay? It's just part of taking care of yourself," Blaine said.

Kurt sighed but knew he couldn't really argue. "Fine. I'll consider it."

Blaine squeezed his hand again. "Will you come to bed now?"

Kurt gave in, letting Blaine lead him around the furniture to his bedroom which had dim lights so he wasn't blinded. He drifted around the room, quietly changing as Blaine curled under the covers and waited for him.

"I'm sorry for upsetting you so much before," Kurt apologised as Blaine held the blankets open and urged him under.

Blaine cupped his cheek and kissed him gently. "You're under too much stress that you impose on yourself and then all the stuff that happened tonight with your dad. I don't blame you. Just remember I love you, okay?"

"For now?" Kurt said, snuggling his body into Blaine's arms and feeling Blaine's breath against his forehead, their heartbeats syncing between them.

"For always," Blaine promised, kissing the top of his head and holding him tight until his thoughts finally stopped rushing through his brain and he could doze off.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **I apologise for the delay. Between _Marking_ and FF's login issues, I've been a bit distracted and perhaps disheartened with the lack of feedback to this. I see people putting it on alert and favouriting, and I'd _love_ to hear from you as to why you think it's worth reading and continuing and favouriting. So please come talk to me? :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** A Family By Any Other Name  
><strong>Author:<strong> an-alternate-world  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M  
><strong>CharactersPairings:** Kurt/Blaine  
><strong>Word count:<strong> 6,368  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Kurt hadn't known what to expect from his first year at college. He thought it would be difficult with the workload and being apart from Blaine, but he tried not to have too many expectations. Even if he had, he couldn't have envisioned it like this..  
><strong>WarningsSpoilers: **No spoilers because the story builds on the prequel, _A Sibling By Any Other Name_. If you haven't read that, you'll definitely want to because this probably won't make a heck of a lot of sense. As for **warnings**, ANGST ANGST ANGST.  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I am in no way associated with _Glee, FOX_, Ryan Murphy or anything else related to the _Glee _universe.

* * *

><p>Burt was discharged the following morning under strict orders of rest and, most importantly, relaxation. He complained the entire short journey from his bedroom to where Finn had the car idling, insisting that he was perfectly capable of walking. Carole rolled her eyes at the orderly and stopped trying to explain that it was <em>hospital policy<em> and _couldn't he just be quiet?_ while Kurt trailed behind with his hand in Blaine's.

It probably wasn't a surprise that the stress of his father being in the hospital had sent his overactive imagination into chaos last night and Blaine had woken him up three times and he'd woken himself up twice, screaming, crying or hyperventilating as nightmares of his father dying in various ways tortured his mind. Blaine had calmed him down each time with words and touches as tears streamed down his cheeks and he begged Blaine to remind him that his father was okay and alive.

He was terrified of returning to New York without Blaine to comfort him when he woke.

He tried to have a conversation with his father when they got home about eating healthy but Burt waved him off and said he was well aware of what he needed to do and it was just a scare, not an actual heart attack. Frustrated, Kurt headed into his bedroom to throw clothes into his bag, knowing he was going to be annoyed with the carelessness when he got to New York and his clothes were rumpled and creased and needed to be ironed or whatever.

Blaine ventured down after his flurry of clothes-tossing abated when he was spread over his bed, staring at the ceiling.

"You okay?" Blaine asked as he climbed onto the bed and touched Kurt's shoulder.

Kurt frowned at a smudge on the white paint of his ceiling. "I don't want to go back to New York and leave my father."

"I think that's perfectly understandable given the circumstances," Blaine nodded, tugging a pillow over and tucking it beneath his head. "But you heard the doctor and Carole. He'll be okay and he's got the appointment with his cardiologist tomorrow where the doctor will figure out how best to manage Burt's health. There's nothing you can do now except take care of _you_ and finish up the last month of your fall term."

Kurt sighed. "I know, I know. It just feels like it's going to be hard to concentrate knowing there's all this shit happening back home."

Blaine hummed in agreement as he cuddled the pillow and gazed at Kurt. Kurt tried not to feel too self-conscious, knowing Blaine was examining every inch of him. He closed his eyes and forced himself to breathe evenly.

"I know…I know you got upset last night, but I…" Blaine bit his lip as his eyes travelled along the curve of Kurt's cheekbone where his eyelashes fanned over the purpled circles beneath Kurt's eyes. "You're gonna be gone another month and…"

"And you want to have sex before I leave?" Kurt finished, opening his eyes and shifting his head to look at Blaine.

"Well…I mean…only if you want but…" Blaine blushed. "My hand isn't the same as you."

Kurt rolled his eyes as he crawled on top of Blaine's body, threading his fingers through Blaine's curls and pulling gently. Blaine smiled tentatively as his hands settled under Kurt's sweater, rubbing circles into the skin of Kurt's hipbones.

"I don't want to force you into this," Blaine whispered as Kurt's eyes drifted shut.

"You aren't forcing me into anything," Kurt assured, tilting Blaine's head back by his hair and licking a stripe down his neck. "If I didn't want this, I wouldn't do this."

Blaine whined low in his throat, fumbling at pushing Kurt's sweater and tee over his head until his chest was bare and smooth and glorious against Blaine's hands. "I love you."

Kurt smiled as he kissed up Blaine's neck to his mouth, kissing the corners softly. "I love you too."

With a groan, Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt's neck and pulled him down until their lips met, hungry and messy and filled with so much need that Kurt tore at Blaine's clothes roughly, stripping each of them until he was grinding his erection against Blaine's.

"_Kurt_," Blaine panted, eyes wild as he held Kurt's hips so tightly Kurt thought he might leave fingerprint bruises. "P-please…I can't…"

"Shh…" Kurt murmured, shoving him up the bed and grabbing the lube from the side table. Biting down on his lip, he pressed the bottle into Blaine's hands.

"Kurt?"

Kurt wriggled up until he was sitting on Blaine's chest. "I want you in me. I _need_ you in me. Please, Blaine. Please, make love to me?"

Blaine released a nervous breath as he uncapped the bottle and squeezed some onto his fingers. "C'mere," he encouraged, easing Kurt closer until the tip of Kurt's dick brushed his bottom lip. He flicked his tongue out and Kurt whimpered, sliding closer and into Blaine's mouth as Blaine carefully inserted a finger.

Kurt moaned as Blaine worked him open, simultaneously coaxing Kurt to thrust into Blaine's mouth. He could feel his orgasm building and tried to twist away or warn Blaine, but Blaine grabbed his thigh tightly to hold him steady, wiggling his fingers until Kurt's nails bit into Blaine's shoulders, chest heaving and sweat running down his spine.

"Blaine, _Blaine_…I…you can't…" He clenched his eyes shut, trying to hold it off, as Blaine continuously stroked over his prostate and swirled his tongue across the vein of Kurt's cock. The coiling in his stomach grew as Blaine kept going, relentless and unyielding. "_Blaine_…"

It was too much stimulation and he came with a keening wail, Blaine swallowing around him until the oversensitivity hurt and Kurt shifted back, Blaine's fingers still deep within his ass.

"I'm not done yet," Blaine murmured with a cheeky grin, tossing Kurt off him and removing his fingers at the same time. Kurt yelped as Blaine snagged a condom off the table and rolled it on, tucking his knees to his chest and kissing each of his calves.

"You know I love you, right?" Blaine asked, rubbing the blunt head of his erection against Kurt's opening.

"Y-yes," Kurt breathed shakily, clinging to Blaine's neck and still trembling with the aftershock of his orgasm.

"And you know that no matter what happens, to you in New York, to me here, to your Dad, I will _always_ love you, right?" Blaine continued, pressing forward the slightest fraction of an inch and breaching Kurt with a pleasured sigh.

Kurt screwed his eyes shut at the intrusion so fast after having orgasmed, gasping for air as he tried to adjust to the pain. Blaine brushed the sweaty hair off Kurt's face and struggled to remain so still and let Kurt relax.

"Y-yeah, I know," Kurt stuttered, grabbing at the curls at the nape of Blaine's neck to hold onto.

Blaine whined again, rocking his hips to ease Kurt open until Kurt's pain started to transform into pleasure and his cock reacted to the feel of Blaine within him.

"So beautiful," Blaine breathed, thrusting slowly until Kurt grunted at him to move faster and he complied.

Kurt locked his ankles behind Blaine's back, seeking Blaine's mouth on his and kissing him sloppily. He could feel another orgasm burning along his nerves and Blaine's thrusts got increasingly erratic.

"_Kurt_," Blaine bit at Kurt's neck feverishly. "C'mon baby, c'mon…"

Kurt struggled to re-capture Blaine's mouth on his before he came, because he needed Blaine's mouth to muffle his scream. And it was like Blaine understood as he grabbed at Kurt's face to hold his head steady, kissing him deeply as Kurt's orgasm ripped through him and screamed into Blaine's mouth. The tightening of his ass around Blaine sent Blaine tumbling over the edge with a stifled howl as he filled the condom and gradually reduced his thrusts and slipped free.

He tossed it into the wastebasket by Kurt's bed and snuggled into Kurt's body which was still shivering with pleasure. "I love you," he murmured, nosing at Kurt's neck and kissing the sweat-stained skin.

Kurt tilted his head and kissed at whatever part of Blaine's face he could reach with the smallest amount of effort. "Love you too."

When his heartbeat returned to normal and he felt sure he could stand, he tugged Blaine from the bed.

"What are you doing?"

"Well, I need to shower before I go upstairs to leave for New York," Kurt said slyly, batting his eyelashes.

Blaine's confusion quickly transformed into a grin. "I love you _so_ much."

* * *

><p>Burt glowered at Kurt and Blaine, who blushed to the tips of their ears.<p>

"_Burt_," Carole chided with a hand to his shoulder. "It's been months. You know what the kids get up to."

Burt just continued to stare, unimpressed and vaguely threatening, as Blaine shifted slightly to stand behind Kurt.

"So um…Leroy should be here soon," Kurt said, chewing his lip. "I'm packed and uh, ready to go."

"I bet you are," Burt grumbled under his breath.

"Dad…" Kurt twisted his fingers together and looked at his feet. "Please just…take care of yourself? Please?"

Burt sighed and his face relaxed into less of a frown. "You know I will, buddy. You take care of _yourself_ in New York too, okay?"

Kurt nodded and Burt grunted, holding out his arms for Kurt to hug him. Kurt settled onto the couch and cuddled into his father.

"You smell like him," Burt muttered into Kurt's ear, gaze flicking to Blaine who flushed again. "But I know he's good to you and good for you, so I'm not going to fight because you're old enough now to know what you want."

Kurt's eyes filled with tears as he clung to his father's shirt.

"I love you, buddy. Whatever might happen in the future, I want you to know that. And I want you to take care of yourself. Take some time out of your hectic studying schedule to relax."

Kurt nodded into his father's chest, mumbling a promise that Burt could hear.

"And don't forget that if you ever need anything, I'm only a phone call away. So is Carole, and your boy over there who has a face about to burst into flames I think."

Kurt twisted his head around to glance at Blaine and giggled. "I think he's scared you're going to castrate him."

Burt snorted. "I know where it's been and rather not touch it."

"_Dad!_" Kurt shrieked, pulling away to hit his father in the shoulder.

Burt laughed. "Just take care of yourself, alright?"

"So long as you do as well," Kurt returned.

Burt gripped Kurt's arm before shooing him away. "I'm sure I heard a car outside. You should go check."

Kurt looked between his father and Blaine before leaving the room quickly.

"You don't fool me," Burt said, pointing his finger at Blaine. Blaine swallowed and wondered if this was the point that he discovered Burt kept a gun beneath the couch pillows. "But you take good care of him. I expect you to keep doing that even though he's going back to New York."

Blaine blinked. "Of course I will, sir! Of course!"

"It's _Burt_, Blaine," Burt said sternly, but giving Blaine a half-smile. "He needs someone like you. You're a good kid. He chose well."

"He had a good father."

"Oh please." Burt rolled his eyes. "We're well beyond flattery after the amount of time you spend watching games with me and Finn, or sleeping in my son's bed. Or," Burt swiped his tongue over his lips, "sleeping with my son."

Blaine had no words as Kurt returned with Rachel, Finn and Leroy.

"Do I even want to know?" he asked, hands on his hips.

"Probably not," Carole smiled, rising from her chair to carry Kurt's bags to the car.

Burt rose to his feet with Kurt and Finn's help and saw Kurt to the door. "Remember what I said."

Kurt reached up to kiss his father's cheek. "Remember what _I_ said."

Burt squeezed his arm and pushed Kurt and Blaine towards the car to leave for the airport. He laced his fingers with Carole's and waved Kurt off, heart twinging with the loss.

* * *

><p>Parting from Blaine wasn't quite as upsetting as it had been before. There may not have been tears but Kurt's arms were so tight around Blaine's neck that Blaine had to loosen them slightly so he could breathe. Kurt didn't even care if they were being judged as he kissed Blaine over and over until Rachel tugged him away and Kurt stepped back with a last, lingering touch to Blaine's hand.<p>

"I love you," he whispered.

Blaine brushed the tears away from his eyes and smiled. "Love you too."

Kurt bit his lip and turned away with Rachel, repeating beneath his breath that it was only a month, only a month, _only a month_.

* * *

><p>Monday dawned with Ashley's hair changed to a pinkish-purple and blue, the green and aqua completely erased and Taylor having no answers to Kurt's questions about what caused the latest re-dye. Ashley had a habit of altering her hair every time something huge happened in her life, but she was close-lipped apart from when her mouth was open and Drew's tongue was searching for her tonsils, so it was apparently not due to a break-up.<p>

Class with Tyler in the afternoon was different though. Kurt managed to maintain his focus during the lecture but as soon as it was over, Tyler wrapped his hand around Kurt's arm and led him in the opposite direction of where they usually hung out with Olivia, Josh and Cody. Kurt stumbled over a tree root and Tyler caught and steadied him, and then continued walking until they found a courtyard which was lush with plants and shielded and Kurt wasn't even sure where they were on campus anymore.

"I come here sometimes when I'm stressed," Tyler said as he sat on a bench which was surprisingly clean given the seclusion of the place. "And you look like you need some time out."

Kurt fidgeted until Tyler reached out for his hand and pulled him onto the seat. He stared at some late-blooming flowers in one corner, kind of liking how they were so bright and yellow and just so damn _cheerful_.

"Thanksgiving not go so well?" Tyler questioned gently.

"Wouldn't know. I didn't get to see it." He still didn't understand how he lost three hours of his life staring at a wall.

"What do you mean?"

"I…" Kurt licked his lips and curled his knees up to his chest on the small bench. "I snapped at one of Blaine's fathers and ended up spacing out for three hours."

"What do you mean? Like a blackout?"

"I dunno," Kurt shrugged, resting his cheek on his knees and looking at Tyler. "Apparently I just stared. I don't remember any of it. It's just this big whole in my memory. I wasn't asleep and I wasn't awake."

Tyler frowned as he searched Kurt's face. "You know that's not normal, right?"

Kurt rolled his eyes and huffed. "I got the third degree from Blaine, Rachel, my father and stepmother, even _Blaine's_ fathers had to express their concern. Yes, Tyler, I'm well aware it's not normal."

"Hmm, okay." Tyler scratched at a healing pimple on his forehead. "That's not all though, is it?"

"Are you a mind reader or something?"

"Just perceptive." Kurt narrowed his gaze as Tyler shrugged. "Look, you don't have to tell me anything. If you don't want to answer a question, just say so."

Kurt sighed, adjusting his head to stare back at the flowers over his knees. "My Dad ended up in the hospital on Saturday night again. It was just an arrhythmia, _this_ time. Who knows if it'll happen again? Who knows if it'll be _worse_?" He shook his head and pressed his face into his knees, breathing deeply to stomp down on his emotions. "Thanksgiving _sucked_ and everyone could see how tired I look and apparently I look thinner than when I went away so I had them all on my case the whole weekend and the stress put my father back in the hospital."

"I'm sure there are a lot more factors involved than just _you_ causing stress to your father, Kurt."

"You sound like Blaine."

"Blaine sounds like a smart kid then," Tyler retorted. "You aren't to blame for this, Kurt. I'm sure everyone told you that you need to take care of yourself while you're out here. It's easy to fall through the cracks and struggle not to cope and they all just want what's best for you."

"They did," Kurt admitted.

"Then for the love of all things holy Kurt, you need to listen to them. If you won't listen to me because you've known them longer or whatever then that's fine. I don't expect you to listen to me, but at least listen to them because I'm sure that they _do _care and you can't just brush them away like that."

"But I don't want anyone worrying about me," Kurt said, glancing at Tyler. "I can take care of myself. I _have_ to take care of myself. Their worry over me makes me feel guilty for making them worry, which just ends up worrying them more because I end up looking worse. It's this stupid cycle that is all sorts of utterly ridiculous."

Tyler smiled as he reached out to Kurt's arm. "Kurt, you could be eighteen or eighty-eight. You could be in the prime of your life or your twilight years. The fact remains that we always need someone to help us, and to take care of us. It doesn't have to be as direct as cooking your meals or wiping your butt or holding a spoon to your mouth when you're so old and senile that the word for 'spoon' escapes you." He squeezed Kurt's bicep and withdrew his hand. "But it's human nature to know that someone is there for us, looking out for us and taking care of us and a shoulder to lean on or cry on or just generally to _be _there if we need it."

"I don't like the idea that I'm reliant on others though," Kurt mumbled. "What if they leave? What if they _die_?"

Tyler shifted closer on the bench and wrapped his arm around Kurt's shoulders. "That's why we never have only one person in our life to take care of us. We have many. You have your Blaine, and Rachel. You have your Dad and your stepmother and stepbrother. You have me and that Connor kid, and Olivia is totally wild over you and so are Josh and Cody. If something goes wrong to any one of us, or any of your friends in that Glee thing you were in during high school, then you still have a whole network of other people who are here to support you every step of the journey you might need until you're okay again."

"It makes me sound so weak."

"It's not weak to need people," Tyler said firmly. "It's _not_. It's weak to be without them, to fall apart and refuse any help because you're too proud to admit that it's what you need."

Kurt knew Tyler was right, but it was still sour to swallow. He'd tried to be independent so long and steel himself to the pain of being apart from Blaine for most of the year, and realising he needed others had never been part of his plan.

* * *

><p>Regardless of what he had promised his father, he still studied like a demon. When Rachel was around, she pestered him until he threw a pen or a book at her and she stormed into her room. Kurt increasingly found himself at the library instead, and by the second week, was visiting Tyler's apartment twice a week for study dates or running through lines.<p>

Tyler's place, admittedly, hadn't been what Kurt had expected. It was clean and tidy, only smelling faintly of old cigarettes because Tyler used the balcony and made sure he shut his door. He could cook semi-decently and it just felt easy and _comfortable_ to hang out together.

Kurt had made it incredibly clear to Tyler that he had no interest in him as anything more than a friend, and Tyler had laughed it off and said he already knew that. And it was true for Kurt, because his heart belonged to Blaine and it was just a relief to have a few hours out where he felt almost _normal_.

He called his father every few days, and still made sure to speak to Blaine, trying to make an effort to reassure everyone that he was doing okay and looking after himself. Sometimes Blaine asked a question Kurt thought was a little strange and wondered how much Rachel tattled on him about his late nights or the way sometimes his coat smelled a little of smoke because it was hard to be around Tyler and _not_ absorb the smell. But he didn't feel he had anything especially particular to hide and answered any question Blaine or his father as honestly as he could.

His coffee dates with Connor also continued, although they weren't as long because of the oncoming barrage of final term essays and exams and performances. Kurt only felt a little guilty cancelling plans he had with Olivia or Ashley and Taylor because he knew they were just as concerned about the workload as he was, they just cared a fraction less and felt that as long as they passed, that was enough.

But passing wasn't just enough for Kurt. He'd worked hard this term and he was going to nail his final exams and performances. Using the phrase 'unless it killed him' was too dramatic even for him (although perhaps not for Rachel) but he _deserved_ to do well and he knew that it was within his abilities. Rachel even backed off as her own schedule of assessments began, and the steady stream of coffee in their apartment for the final two weeks felt as natural as not seeing her because they were both cooped up in their rooms studying or at the library or performing.

He was finally, blissfully, free and finished on the Thursday with a roughly organised party by one of Olivia's friends on the Friday night before he flew back to Ohio with Rachel on Saturday. He met with Tyler halfway between each of their apartments, then caught up with Josh and Cody along the way. It felt so strange to be walking through New York with people he didn't even know four months ago, and yet feeling like he'd shared a huge proportion of his life with them. He found himself sneaking glances at Tyler, overwhelmed with gratefulness that he'd slouched into the seat beside Kurt on their first day.

The party had only officially started half an hour before they arrived but it was clearly in full swing when they did. Kurt didn't even want to know who had brought the alcohol and avoided the cups that smelled strongly of it, but Tyler encouraged him into relaxing and having a couple. And he had to admit that yeah, it did feel a little good to let loose. The alcohol felt warm in his stomach, a small ball of heat that made him smile easier when people were talking around him. He didn't even feel like he had to participate in the conversation that much, just enjoying the exchange and for the first time in months, allowing himself the peace of knowing he had completed the term and he was no longer a newbie.

He slipped free from Olivia's tipsy hold, deciding to try and get some snacks from one of the tables towards the back of the flat. He grabbed at a handful of corn chips and was searching for a glass to pour the lemonade into, when he saw Drew.

"Hey!" Okay, so maybe he didn't care if Drew harboured some sort of hatred for him. He wasn't quite sober and Drew being a grump wasn't going to cramp his style tonight. "Is Ashley here?"

"No, she's already gone back to Washington," Drew said over the music, helpfully handing Kurt a cup from a stack that was hidden beneath the table.

"Are you going back too?" Kurt asked as he poured the lemonade, hand shaking slightly from the alcohol he'd already consumed.

"Sunday," Drew said, taking the lemonade and pouring his own cup.

Kurt felt awkward now, feeling like they'd exhausted the topic of conversation while a much larger topic itched at his skin.

"Why do you hate me?" he blurted out. His eyes widened and he clapped a hand over his mouth to stop anything more exploding and fuelling his embarrassment.

"Hate you?" Drew's eyebrows pulled together as he tossed the bottle back into the ice cooler. "I don't hate you. I think I'm jealous of you. You get Ashley and her degree better than I do."

"It's only because we have similar interests though," Kurt explained.

Drew pointed to a sliding door that led to a balcony, where the air was cooler and the noise was softer. He breathed in relief and looked out at a block of lights. It was true. New York never slept.

Drew carefully put his cup on the railing and reached into his pockets. "Do you smoke?"

Kurt eyed the cigarette warily. "No."

"Just as well it's not a regular smoke then," Drew grinned, lighting the tip and inhaling deeply.

Kurt wanted to look away but felt a little fascinated as he watched Drew exhale the smoke in curling loops the he thought Cody would probably like to photograph.

"Maybe it's not even jealousy," Drew confessed, flicking the lighter and watching the flame. "I don't know what it is, but it's not _hate_, Kurt. Hate is too strong of an emotion."

"People have hated me in the past and looked at me the same way you've looked at me all term."

Drew grabbed his cup off the railing to lean against it and stare at Kurt. "Yes, but they hated you because you were gay, or because you sounded different, or because you dress better than anyone your age, or because they were closeted themselves, yeah?"

Kurt's mouth felt dry as he nodded.

"People hated me in Washington because I dated Ashley," Drew said, looking through the glass door at where the party swirled with life. "She's got her own story, and her own secrets, and some people knew that and called her a freak because of it." Kurt noticed the flex in his jaw as Drew gritted his teeth together. "I got bailed up one time when she wasn't there. A few guys and their girlfriends said that I was too good for her, that freaks like her should be put down because they didn't deserve to keep breathing the same air as you or I. They said if I ditched her, they'd take care of the 'problem' and no one would see her again and I could be part of the 'cool' group."

Kurt's eyes widened. Drew knew people who had threatened to kill Ashley? People in schools even _did_ that?

"I turned them into the cops instead," Drew said, fiddling with his lighter and looking over at Kurt. "It was hard to prove because I had no allegations that they'd threatened her life, but it turned out Ashley had been getting texts and emails from them for a few months and hadn't told me. I was pretty livid and wanted to beat their faces in but she just…she has this way of getting through to me when nothing else will, y'know?"

"Blaine's like that," Kurt said softly, watching a yellow taxi pass by in the street below. "I can't focus on anything but Blaine always finds a way of breaking through everything else."

Drew nodded and lit the joint again, taking a hit and holding it out to Kurt. "Loosen up before you go back to Ohio."

"I don't…" Kurt chewed at his lip in nervousness. It couldn't really hurt, could it? Heaps of college kids tried it.

He grasped at it and tentatively slid the paper between his lips, inhaling deeply like he'd seen Drew do, only it wasn't what Drew had done because he started coughing and choking and his eyes _burned_.

Drew was laughing and rubbing his back. "Dude, you weren't kidding when you said you'd never smoked before."

Kurt gave him an expression that was a very clear 'ya think?' and handed it back. "I think that'll do for the night."

Drew chuckled and stubbed it out until the flaming end died and then tucked it back into his pocket. "I'm not gonna hate on you because you're different, Kurt. And I'm sorry that's what you thought I felt towards you these past months. If I'd known, I'd have remedicated…no, wait, that's not the right word…reminded…reme…fuck it. Fixed the situation earlier."

Kurt felt his head spinning a little and touched Drew's arm. "It's 'kay. I don't blame you."

Grinning, Drew tugged him back inside where the music sounded even more overwhelmingly loud than it had earlier. It was still fairly early but Kurt still felt sorry for the neighbours. Most apartments in New York lacked decent walls.

Drew drifted off to chat to someone he recognised and Kurt felt hungry again as he gathered another handful of food and stumbled back to where he'd left Tyler and the others.

"Hey! We thought you must have gotten lost!" Josh yelled, squashing Olivia over so Kurt could sit between him and Cody.

"Ran into someone I knew. Sorted out differences that weren't really differences."

"Well then, great end to the term!" Tyler shouted. "I need another drink. Anyone?"

Kurt relented when everyone else started calling orders, figuring that if he was going to be a touch wild, it may as well be at the party to celebrate the end of the term. He'd worked hard. He deserved this.

It became harder to concentrate after that and he couldn't remember how many drinks he'd consumed or even how to get home. When Olivia declared it was time to leave, he latched onto Cody's jacket and felt himself giggling even though there was nothing to laugh at.

"Man, he's wasted," Josh commented, propping Tyler up and walking down the street.

"I don't think the one you've got is much better," Cody pointed out, and Josh had to agree. Olivia danced between them and Kurt wanted to tell her to stop because she was making him dizzy.

"He's had a rough term," Tyler slurred, poking his finger against Kurt's back. "Leave him alone."

"Yeah," Kurt mumbled, eyes sagging shut until Cody shook him back awake. "Hi."

"Hello Kurt. Shall we continue walking?"

Kurt started giggling again until he finally swatted at Olivia on one of her many passes. "Keep going at that and I'll puke on you. And it won't be pretty."

"Puke never is pretty," she said plainly, but kept her skipping to a minimum, helping Josh because Tyler was larger than Kurt and Josh was clearly struggling under the strain of keeping him upright.

They eventually managed to get back to the apartment Olivia shared with Josh. Cody eased Kurt onto the couch as Josh and Olivia shouldered Tyler to the spare bed and let him slump onto it.

Kurt gazed at Cody, eyes feeling glassy and head feeling hazy. "Why'd you want to take pictures of me so much this term?"

Cody looked over and shrugged. "You have a classic sort of look that would have been good in some of my black and white shots."

"Oh." Kurt's eyes blinked slowly as he fought to focus. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright. I still got a model and it turned out fine," Cody smiled.

Kurt felt the world sway and grabbed at Cody's body roughly, which felt firm and not likely to give way unexpectedly. "Ooooh, my head," Kurt murmured, closing his eyes and wobbling.

He could feel Cody's hand on his cheek, smaller and smoother than Blaine's, and he let his head lean into the touch because Cody's fingers were cold and steady and it felt nice against Kurt's flushed skin. Vaguely, he was aware that he really shouldn't have had so much to drink.

He started at the softest pressure on his lips, eyes flying open to see Cody millimetres from his face. Coherency seemed to fade into shock as Cody kissed him again, tongue darting out to lick at Kurt's lower lip. There was an alarm bell going off somewhere but Kurt couldn't quite concentrate his thoughts enough to stop him.

Until Olivia did.

"_Cody!_" she yelled, making Cody leap off the couch and raise his hands up. "What the _hell_? The boy is clearly off his face and we're all well aware of his boyfriend!"

Cody spluttered an unintelligible explanation as Josh shut the door to the spare room where Olivia and he had finally gotten Tyler under the blankets and settled.

"What's going on?" he asked, glancing between the three participants of the room. Kurt was plainly dazed and Josh moved to lay him down on the couch so he didn't lean over too far and end up falling off and smacking his head on the coffee table.

"That boy," Olivia pointed at Cody, "was kissing that boy," she pointed at Kurt.

Josh glanced up at Cody who was looking intensely at his shoes. "Codes?"

"I dunno what came over me. I'm sorry. I'm going," Cody mumbled, grabbing his coat off the table and vanishing out the door.

"Is it sleep time yet?" Kurt yawned, far too high and drunk to be concerned.

"Yes lovey, it's sleep time," Olivia said, placing a blanket over him as Josh tucked a pillow beneath his head.

"Good. 'm sleepy," Kurt mumbled, snuggling into the pillow. "Doesn't smell like Blaine," he whined softly when he smelled it.

Olivia gaped for a moment.

"That's because you're not at your place, Kurt," Josh explained, patting Kurt's hair until Kurt started to relax. "You'll be with Blaine again tomorrow though."

Kurt made a happy sort of snuffling noise, Blaine's name falling from his lips as his exhausted body finally gave into sleep.

* * *

><p>"Oh my God, how much did I <em>drink<em>?" Kurt groaned when he cracked his eyes open the following morning.

"Too much," Olivia said as she coaxed him into a sitting position and handed him the dry piece of toast in her hand. "Eat. Then we need to get you back to your apartment for your flight."

Kurt gnawed on the toast even as his stomach flip-flopped with the effects of the hangover from the night before. "Bad Kurt," he scolded softly. "You don't drink that much."

"I think he's still high," Josh muttered as he sank into the arm chair and sipped his coffee. "He's talking to himself, Liv."

"High?" Kurt frowned. "I wasn't-"

Oh yeah. Drew. Balcony. Joint.

"How much else do you remember?" Olivia asked as she sat beside him and held out a glass of water.

Kurt's thoughts felt like a jumbled mash of colours and sounds and smells and none of it really seemed to fit together in any discernible pattern. "Walk home was cold. Needed a warmer coat," he commented, rubbing at his forehead. "Wait, did Cody kiss me or is that just my imagination?"

Olivia's eyes met Josh's and Kurt felt his stomach turn over for an entirely different reason.

"But-"

"He knows it was wrong," Josh interrupted. "He knows. And he started it, so don't beat yourself up over it or feel like you cheated on Blaine or whatever. It was all Codes and not you."

Kurt swallowed down the water and felt like he was dreadfully dehydrated. Olivia was already moving away to get him another glass.

"What if I wanted it too though? What if I led him on?" Kurt asked, discarding the toast on the coffee table and feeling distinctly uninterested in it.

"Do you, Kurt? Sitting here right now, do you want to kiss Cody?" Josh challenged. Kurt wrinkled his nose at the thought of it. It wasn't that Cody was a bad person or anything, he just wasn't _Blaine_. "There's your answer. Whatever you might have done or however you might have acted last night doesn't change the reaction on your face right now."

"What a lovely reaction it is too," Tyler croaked from the doorway to the spare room. "My head feels like it went under a semi. Why did I drink so much?"

"I'll drink my water to that," Kurt mumbled as Olivia passed him a filled glass.

Tyler slumped onto the other arm chair and nursed his head in his hand. "Ow."

"You should know better by now, Ty," Olivia teased, holding out a glass of water for him as well.

"Whatever," Tyler complained, swallowing the water quickly. "So what was the face for?"

"Thinking about how enjoyable a girl would be," Josh explained with a glance at Kurt. "Kurt wasn't too impressed."

Tyler gagged. "I'm not surprised."

"Good to know you two are definitely gay."

"Good to know you're definitely our mother hen," Tyler said, kissing her hand when she handed him another glass of water.

"You nearly ready to go, Kurt? Need to get you back to your apartment still."

Kurt rubbed his eyes so hard he thought they might disappear into his skull. The flight to Ohio might be short but dammit if he wasn't sleeping the whole way there. "Sure. Whatever."

"I'll go with him," Josh said. "Give me ten to change and pull on shoes."

Kurt waved his hand vaguely in acknowledgement as Olivia handed him his own boots that he didn't even remember removing last night.

"Hope your Christmas is better than Thanksgiving was," Tyler said as he fought with the laces that didn't want to cooperate with his clumsy, hungover brain and fingers.

"I hope so too."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Uni has been busy, life has been busy, my coping has been low, my headache spells have been back and I've barely written much of anything in a while so you'll have to forgive me for the lack of updates and the bland author's note.

Thank you as always for reading and I value any feedback you bestow on me xx


	6. Chapter 6

**Title:** A Family By Any Other Name  
><strong>Author:<strong> an-alternate-world  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M  
><strong>CharactersPairings:** Kurt/Blaine  
><strong>Word count:<strong> 6,411  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Kurt hadn't known what to expect from his first year at college. He thought it would be difficult with the workload and being apart from Blaine, but he tried not to have too many expectations. Even if he had, he couldn't have envisioned it like this..  
><strong>WarningsSpoilers: **No spoilers because the story builds on the prequel, _A Sibling By Any Other Name_. If you haven't read that, you'll definitely want to because this probably won't make a heck of a lot of sense. As for **warnings**, ANGST ANGST ANGST.  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I am in no way associated with _Glee, FOX_, Ryan Murphy or anything else related to the _Glee _universe.

* * *

><p>"Where the <em>hell<em> have you been?"

Kurt said his goodbyes to Josh and ignored her in favour of walking to his bedroom.

"Kurt! Answer me!"

"Oh my _God_, Rachel, you sound like Hermione Granger or Molly Weasley. Drop it!"

"No!" she shrieked, following him into the bedroom with her arms over her chest. "You didn't come home, you didn't text or call me, you smell of smoke and you're _clearly_ hungover and I want a damn explanation."

Kurt found the shirt he was looking for and moved onto finding some clean pants for the flight home.

"_Kurt_." She stamped her foot and not for the first time, he wondered how she'd never grown out of such a childish habit.

"You aren't my mother, Rachel. I'm old enough to take care of myself."

"I'm well aware I'm not your mother. She died ten years ago and I babysat you then as well!"

Kurt froze, hand halfway to removing the hanger with the pants he wanted.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry," Rachel whispered.

He swallowed down the rush of emotion and turned to her, suddenly glad he'd had his growth spurt and stood many inches taller than her. "You know what, Rachel? You can get the fuck out of my room, keep your fucking mouth shut for the rest of the day around me, and keep the hell out of my way in Ohio."

"Kurt-"

"Get _out_!" he shouted.

She flinched back into the wall, tears welling in her eyes, as he turned back to his clothing and chose a coat that would be warmer for the travel, because heaven knew Ohio was going to be just as cold as New York.

Even though he'd told her to get out of his room, she stayed against the wall, maybe hoping for him to back down and apologise. Instead, he completely avoided looking in her direction and slammed the door shut to the bathroom.

He found himself surprised that he wasn't crying, perhaps because it _had_ been ten years and he'd moved on from that. Instead he oscillated between a strange numbness and a coursing fury that left him frightened at how much he wanted to shake Rachel by her stupid little neck until her head flopped off her shoulders. He scrubbed himself thoroughly in the shower, trying to wash away the grime of the party and the memory of her words, brushing his teeth twice to get rid of the bitter remnants of alcohol on his tongue and scraping the bristles across his lips to try and erase the thought of Cody's lips on his. It was too foggy to remember what had led to the kiss, but he couldn't help wondering if he'd done something to encourage Cody. It hadn't been like Karofsky, who was raging and closeted.

He hit his head against the wall to try and dispel the thoughts, rubbing more soap into his body for the third time because he still just didn't feel _clean_.

"I know you don't want to talk to me but if you don't say something, I'm going to worry you've spaced out and I'll have to break the door down," Rachel called through the door.

"I'm perfectly aware of how much I want to grip your scrawny neck, thank you very much," he spat back in response.

He still didn't feel clean but he was also aware of how little time he had to linger in the shower. Perhaps it was something wrong with the water that made him still feel slimy, or perhaps that was the itch of shame beneath his skin. Even if Cody had started it and he hadn't reciprocated, it still felt like a betrayal and he still hated himself for it, because really, he should have known better than drinking that much or accepting the joint from Drew in the first place.

He towelled his body off and poked at a mystery bruise on the front of his thigh which he hadn't noticed and didn't remember receiving. Maybe he'd run into a table last night, who knew. He dressed quickly and gathered up the few toiletries he was taking with him to Lima and exited the bathroom, feeling the cool air of the apartment smack him in the face. He blinked rapidly, trying to adjust to the difference in temperatures, frustrated at the blurring around the edges of his vision. It was like when he dreamed and everything in the centre felt more sharply focused because of the fuzz at the corners, only he knew he wasn't dreaming and it was probably because his eyes were red and raw from smoking last night and then not getting nearly enough sleep on a couch that wasn't as supportive as his bed.

He threw the remaining items into his suitcase, glad that he'd prepacked most things before the party, and making sure to put the dirty clothes in spare plastic bag to wash in Ohio. There was no way he was leaving _them_ in the apartment for a month. The place would stink when he got back. He looked around but felt satisfied that he'd packed everything in the bag that he wanted or needed and zipped it shut, then moving on to the things he'd carry with him on the plane, like his laptop and iPhone and maybe a book or two. He was tempted to try and sleep on the plane but it was partly up to whether Rachel actually held up her end of being silent or not.

Content with having packed what he would need in Lima, he fell onto the bed and lay still for a few minutes, calming his heartbeat and the thoughts that were running through his head too fast to focus on. The more he tried to pinpoint some of the errant thoughts, the more breathless he felt at trying to keep up with their speed. When he realised his hands were shaking, he gave up and just went back to steadying his breathing.

Rachel only spoke to him to rouse him from his light doze. Still too hurt to even consider acknowledging her, he grabbed up his bags and headed for the door, leaving her to lock everything up. The ride to the airport was silent after the cabbie noticed the tension between the two in the backseat. It wasn't like it wasn't obvious enough. Kurt was colder towards Rachel than the weather outside.

And really, maybe Kurt should have pretended to be more disappointed at the lack of seats together, but really he was relieved, choosing a seat away from Rachel and knowing that he could get some rest on the plane without her incessant chatter or desperation to make amends. She had gone too far and he needed to make her recognise that and he just…he just couldn't fathom what he should say to her right now, so he said nothing instead.

Unfortunately though, Kurt ended up squashed between an old and smelly man who was probably part of the reason airlines pushed for two seats to be booked for _super_ overweight people, because Kurt was squashed into the tiniest fraction of his seat away from the guy, and on the other side was a woman who apparently bathed in perfume because his head spun at how utterly _awful_ she smelled.

It was probably the only time he was going to regret his decision to sit apart from Rachel, and at the same time thanking anything that he lived in Ohio and the flight wasn't as long as it could have been if he was going to California, or China or something. So he spent the trip trying to breathe through his nose and trying not to vomit, because on a good day, the stench was overwhelming. On a hangover day, it was downright dangerous to the clothes of the people beside him.

As soon as the plane landed and it was declared safe to move and disembark, Kurt was climbing over the stinking woman with a muttered apology, hauling out his hang luggage from the overhead compartment and pushing down the aisle as best as he could. He just wanted _off_ and he wanted away from all the smells and the oppressive feeling of the plane and all the people and the noise were hurting his head. He just needed _off_.

It still took him a good ten minutes before he was breathing in the air from the airport, which was horribly filtered and tasted a little strange on his tongue, or maybe that was just the leftover pressurised air from the plane, and smiling as politely as he could manage at the people that were lined up to thank him for flying and return soon. He merged among people in suits and ties, feeling a little too casual all of a sudden even though he was wearing a nice coat and clothes and _knew_ that his boots cost more than their suits anyway. He tried to shake off the thoughts, looking around the waiting area.

"Kurt!" He turned and saw his father, Finn and Blaine waving at him. He had to remember that the whole dramatic 'drop your bag and run into the arms of the one you love' thing had totally been done a month ago but he twisted through the crowd and dumped his bag by Blaine's feet to throw his arms around his father.

"Hey buddy," Burt muttered, squeezing his arms around Kurt's body. "I thought you were going to take care of yourself?"

"I have been," Kurt replied. "Party last night for the end of term though did more damage. It was 'Kurt time', and I enjoyed it."

Burt held him at arm's length and narrowed his eyes. "Hmm. How's your head?"

"Fine?"

"Kurt, I'm not stupid. You've got a nice hangover going, don't you?"

Kurt flushed. Damn his father and his father's damn perceptiveness. "It's a lesson, put it that way."

Burt rolled his eyes and went to push Kurt towards Blaine except Blaine was having a silent staring competition with his sister. "Blaine?"

Blaine tore his eyes away and Kurt swore he could almost see flames in his irises. "Sorry. Sibling problem."

"Blaine, I-"

"I'm in agreement with Kurt, actually," Blaine said shortly, tugging Kurt towards him and wrapping an arm around his waist. "I don't think I want to talk to you for a few days. Maybe then you'll finally start to realise you need to think before you say sentences that can rip people apart."

"But-"

"It could have been _me_ you said that to, Rach. My parents died when I was five but it never really gets easier, and you were out of line, so stay out of my way."

"Whoa, what happened?" Burt interrupted as Rachel burst into tears and Finn pulled her into his chest and looked completely lost, although it was an expression that wasn't entirely unfamiliar on him anyway.

Blaine glanced at Kurt, silently asking for permission to explain. Shrugging, Kurt found his shoes exceedingly interesting and started mentally cataloguing the spots he needed to buff off the precious leather.

"My understanding is Kurt told Rachel she wasn't his mother because she was badgering him, and she said something to the effect of Kurt's mother died ten years ago so she was aware of that," Blaine murmured, glaring at his sister distastefully.

"She also said she'd babysat me through that particular heartache and was doing the same now," Kurt mumbled.

"She _what_?" Blaine yelled, drawing the attention of a number of people milling around.

"Alright, alright, this is _not_ the place to have this…discussion or argument or what-have-you," Burt said, hand clamping down on Blaine's shoulder. "Let's get back home and see if we can't sort this out there."

Rachel looked ill with nerves as they headed towards the car.

"Do you want to sit next to her or should I?" Kurt whispered as they approached the Navigator.

"I can sit in the middle," Finn spoke up. "It'll be cramped but…"

"You take the front then," Blaine replied, kissing Kurt's cheek as he helped load the luggage into the boot. "Don't want the backseat to make you carsick."

Kurt pulled a face and climbed into the passenger seat of the car and waited until Finn managed to find some sort of ridiculous seating position between the siblings and keep them from ripping each other's faces off.

Burt fiddled with the radio for a while, trying to fill the silence, but it ended up making the silence appear even louder so he switched it off, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel when they had to wait at red lights and clearly bothered by the emotions floating through the car. He caught several glares sent in Rachel's direction by Blaine but Rachel was too busy quietly crying into her hands to notice, so he kept his mouth shut because he knew Blaine now and knew the kid had to get his anger out somehow.

The trip from Columbus took just under two hours but Burt felt like he aged more like two years in the car. Kurt sat stoically staring out the window, even though there was nothing to see because it was early evening in the middle of winter and the sun had disappeared a couple hours before they landed. Finn held Rachel's hand and kept meeting Burt's eye in the rearview mirror, wondering what the hell he should do.

Burt tried to shout at Kurt to put his seatbelt back on when they turned onto their street but he had barely parked the car in the driveway before Kurt was tumbling out and heading for the door. He brushed past Carole as Blaine chased after him, calling his name and to slow down.

Wide-eyed, Carole ventured down the path and helped Burt with Kurt's luggage bags. "Why is there always drama?" she asked, hitching Kurt's laptop case over her shoulder and gazing after Finn and Rachel.

"Because Rachel has a mouth that runs away from her and Kurt can be touchy with words," Burt sighed, closing the boot and lugging in the bags.

Finn met him halfway and took Kurt's heavier bag from his hands and Carole went to get Rachel a glass of water.

"Right," Burt huffed, leaving the bags by the door and pointing at the couch for Rachel. "Sit."

She sat, wringing her hands together as the occasional tear trickled down her cheek. Finn sat beside her, tucking his arm around her shoulders and kissing her hair.

"Here sweetie, drink some water," Carole offered. Rachel thanked her and took a sip, staring at the coffee table.

"You're well aware what you said was completely and utterly the wrong thing to say," Burt said, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back in his chair. "There's not much I can say really. I'm disappointed, but arguments happen and it's up to Kurt and your brother to calm down and listen to your apology. Nothing I say will hasten that." He rubbed his shiny scalp and frowned. "Actually, I think it'd turn them against me, so I'm going to stay as neutral as possible in the situation."

"I didn't _mean_ it," Rachel sniffled as Finn squeezed her upper arm. "It just came out and-"

"Words we don't want to say have a way of happening like that," Burt spoke. "I'm guilty of that too. We all are. And with time, whoever we've wronged comes around. Especially family and roommates."

Finn handed her the box of tissues on the coffee table and gradually she calmed down enough to accept the meal Carole had kept warm in the oven.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe she told you," Kurt said as he fell onto his bed.<p>

Blaine closed the door and climbed on beside Kurt. "She wanted to know what she should say to apologise." Blaine nosed at Kurt's head until it was facing him. "I hung up on her when she told me _her_ version of what she'd said."

Kurt cuddled his body into Blaine's and breathed in the scent of Blaine that he'd missed so much even though it had only been a month this time. "I love you."

Blaine wrapped his arms tighter and pressed a kiss to the top of Kurt's hair. "I love you too."

* * *

><p>The growl of his stomach the following morning not only woke him, but Blaine as well. He blushed with embarrassment when Blaine chuckled and rubbed his hand across Kurt's belly.<p>

"Someone a little hungry?" Blaine teased.

"Someone barely ate yesterday between being hungover and emotionally nuts," Kurt admitted.

"Well then, someone needs to go make himself scarce and eat something."

"You aren't coming?" Kurt pouted.

Blaine blinked his eyes open. "Oh _fine_."

Carole had already started on pancakes by the time Kurt dragged himself away from Blaine's mouth long enough to take a shower. His stomach rumbled in excitement again at the smells wafting around the kitchen and he started acting like Finn, grabbing covert handfuls of anything he could see that was appealing to try and appease his terrible hunger.

Even though Kurt was voraciously hungry, and Blaine and Finn were still teenage boys and ate disgusting amounts of food, the atmosphere was still strained with Rachel poking at her pancakes and fruit and Kurt refusing to look anywhere else but his plate. When he noticed Blaine was done, he quietly excused them both and cleaned their dishes off before returning to his room.

Rachel ended up going to see her fathers with Finn and Carole had worked the night shift and gotten home in time to make breakfast so she headed upstairs to sleep. Left to his own devices, Burt briefly considered having a talk with Kurt and Blaine about listening to Rachel but didn't especially want to disturb them behind a closed door. The images his head conjured up were enough. He hardly needed the reality. With a grunt, he headed out to the garage to tinker with the cars.

* * *

><p>Whatever Burt may have thought the boys were doing that day would have been wrong. They ended up snuggling on the bed for most of it, watching movies and only half paying attention. Blaine ventured upstairs to make sandwiches for himself, Kurt and Burt, and Burt asked how his son was doing. Blaine admitted he thought Kurt was doing better than a month ago and just needed a day to relax with the whole Rachel thing. Burt could also tell that Blaine didn't smell of sex, which probably helped in his ability to return with two plates of sandwiches and two glasses of juice and be still relatively intact.<p>

Kurt revelled in the contact with Blaine and the total lack of commitments he had for the day. It was nice to just do nothing. Blaine held Kurt in his lap, hand sneaking under Kurt's shirt to place his palm over Kurt's stomach possessively. Kurt knew Blaine could have tickled him easily in that position, but Blaine just occasionally stroked his thumb over Kurt's bellybutton and made him giggle and squirm a little, until Blaine kissed the back of his neck and he settled back down. It was comforting to just know Blaine was _there_.

"I love you," he whispered contently, tipping his head back to rest on Blaine's shoulder and gaze up at Blaine's face.

Blaine smiled, his focus still on the television showing _The Wizard of Oz_. "I love you too."

Kurt's eyes drifted shut as he listened to the audio, soothed beyond words by Blaine's presence. He was barely even aware that he'd dozed off until he opened his eyes and realised the TV had been shut off and Blaine had wriggled back slightly to nestle his head and back among the pillows. Kurt's head was against Blaine's chest and Blaine's hand was still across Kurt's tummy, warm and large and rising and falling every time Kurt breathed.

It was a situation that just felt so _right_.

He let his eyes slip closed again, enjoying the security and the stability that he'd longed for after so many months of being incredibly stressed. It was nice to just take the time out and not think, not worry, not panic. Just to lay there against Blaine and remember how to _breathe_ again.

Gradually Blaine stirred awake, pressing his hand tighter into Kurt's stomach and snuffling a little.

"Afternoon," Kurt murmured, turning over to nuzzle his chin into Blaine's sternum. With a sleepy smile, Blaine's hand settled on the small of Kurt's back, trailing soft patterns over the lower part of his spine.

"You look calmer," he acknowledged.

Kurt hummed and rubbed his nose into Blaine's chest. "You're like a balm that heals all my anxieties with a single touch."

"A single touch?" Blaine repeated, raising his eyebrow and smirking lazily. "So what does two touches do?"

"I don't know, but I know that the more you touch me, the more I never want you to stop."

"Really?" Blaine's grin widened as he rolled Kurt over and pressed him firmly into the mattress. "So if I just keep touching you..."

Kurt giggled and tugged Blaine in for a kiss. "I love you, so much."

* * *

><p>Burt definitely glared when Kurt and Blaine ventured out from the basement for dinner, but kept his words within when Carole placed her arm over Burt's forearm and squeezed gently.<p>

"Finn and Rachel decided to eat at her place tonight," Carole explained quietly when Blaine raised his eyebrow.

"Smart move on her part," Kurt sniped, taking his seat and reaching for the peas.

"Kurt."

"She needs to realise that what she did and said was wrong," he huffed at his father.

"I think she's well aware actually," Burt commented with his hand on the spoon for the carrots. "She was pretty upset yesterday and wanted to apologise."

"Burt-"

"Dad," Kurt said loudly, his fingers tight on the fork he'd picked up. "She could apologise until she was blue in the face. Right now, I don't want to hear any of it."

Burt frowned at Kurt and glanced at Carole who shook her head. Blaine was chewing his lip quietly and gazing across the table at Kurt who was pointedly ignoring everyone looking at him.

Dinner progressed nearly silently with the occasional clink of cutlery on crockery until Kurt declared he'd had enough and pushed away from the table with his plate and glass. Blaine stared after him with concern.

"I know you don't agree with your sister but perhaps just try talking to him?" Burt asked Blaine.

Blaine sighed. "I'll try, but he's pretty stubborn."

"I wonder where he got that from," Carole said with a teasing smile.

Blaine covered his smile with a cough and excused himself from the table. He found Kurt scrubbing at his plate vigorously.

"Kurt honey, the plate it so clean you'll start taking the glazing off soon," Blaine murmured, wrapping his arms around Kurt from behind and nuzzling his nose against Kurt's shoulder.

"He spoke to you, didn't he?" Kurt asked, propping the plate up on the dryer and grabbing at Blaine's plate. "He wants me to forgive her?"

"I know what she said was wrong," Blaine said, kissing Kurt's shoulder. "It was _so_ wrong and I'm so mad that I'd slap her if she was male. I don't blame you for wanting to avoid her right now."

"But?" Kurt prompted.

Blaine watched Kurt's hands swirling beneath the water to clean the plate off. "But it's Christmas Eve tomorrow and there's a reunion thing for the New Directions crowd because they're in the town at the moment and…" Blaine shrugged and nosed at the back of Kurt's neck. "And she'll be there and I just don't want World War Three to break out at Artie's."

"I'll be civil at the party if I have to be," Kurt said finally, placing the shiny plate in front of his own on the rack. "But I'd rather she doesn't approach me."

"I can't promise that," Blaine whispered.

"I know you can't." Kurt sighed, pressing his hands into the edge of the sink. "She just frustrates me so much, y'know? She's tried to take care of me and instead she's driven me out of the apartment because I don't want to answer how many glasses of water I drank on any particular day, or what my schedule is for the next week, or if I ate breakfast, or how many hours of sleep I got the previous night. I've never had to answer questions like that to anyone in my life and it's not about to start now, _especially_ not to someone like Rachel."

"I know," Blaine soothed, kissing the back of Kurt's neck. "I know. I'll try and talk to her when I'm less fed up with her too. She only does it because she cares, you know that right? I'd probably be at you too if I was there."

"But you'd also be around me more and I'd _enjoy_ your company and you could keep track yourself."

"Aww," Blaine teased. "I'm so glad to know you'd prefer to spend time with me than my sister."

Kurt twisted around, pressing his soapy hands to Blaine's cheeks and making him screw his face up. "I'm pretty sure that growing up with Rachel as a childhood best friend was what turned me gay. If all girls were like her, I can't imagine why anyone would want to be straight and date a female."

Blaine burst into laughter even as bubbles dripped off Kurt's hands onto his collar. "So I grew up with her and turned out gay too?"

"My theory holds!" Kurt crowed, throwing his hands in the air and flinging water and bubbles around the kitchen. "Oops."

Snorting, Blaine kissed Kurt quickly and moved away before Burt or Carole walked in and grumped over their moment. "You're too precious for words sometimes."

Kurt grinned delightedly, turning back to finish washing up their used glasses as Blaine headed back to the dinner table.

"You seem to have broken his bad mood," Burt commented as Blaine gathered up Burt and Carole's used plates.

Blaine paused and smiled fondly. "I hope so."

He disappeared back into the kitchen as Burt grunted at Carole. "Liz used to have that expression on her face when she talked about me. Dopey teenagers."

Carole laughed. "Lovesick fools."

Burt nodded appreciatively, raising his glass to her and pretending to clink them from opposite ends of the table.

* * *

><p>Kurt clutched Blaine's hand between his as they entered Artie's house, music reverberating so loudly that Kurt swore the windows were rattling. Brittany saw them first, breaking away from spinning around with Mike to leap into Kurt's arms. He tilted dangerously as he tried not to fall over.<p>

"Kurt!" she squealed in his ear.

He smiled and patted her back, using Blaine's help to ease her feet to the floor. Mercedes turned the music down to a more normal level where conversation could take place.

"Girl, what you do that for?" Artie yelled.

"We wants to catch up," Santana replied. "Well, they do. I'm just here to keep an eye on my girl."

Artie rolled his eyes as Kurt greeted people he hadn't seen in six months, people he had spent years of school with. Blaine held his hand for a while before drifting off to chat with Mike and Brittany about their move to LA for dancing and Santana's acting classes.

As the night progressed, Kurt found himself listening more than he spoke. It wasn't like he hadn't been like that in school, because he had, he'd always been someone who tended to observe because no one wanted to listen to him. His term at Tisch had changed that, making him realise that people were more than willing to listen to him when they weren't held back by their own bigotries and preconceived expectations because of the way he dressed or his voice.

More than that, he realised that while he'd gone to New York with them for Nationals, or he'd listened to them sing heartfelt ballads to each other during periods of believing that they had found true love (which lasted less than a month as _most_ high school romances did), he felt so utterly distant from them now. Mike, Brittany and Santana loved California and its sun and warmth and possibilities. Quinn had gotten into Yale and was doing an Arts degree at the moment while she figured out what she wanted to major in. Mercedes was in Seattle and Sam had returned to Kentucky to be with his family. They'd scattered far and wide, having experiences he no longer shared. They had new friends and new hopes and new dreams, in-jokes he didn't understand and coursework details he didn't really care about.

Vaguely, he wondered if that's how they would feel hearing about his life with Rachel in New York, how he'd maintained his relationship with Blaine despite the distance (Tina and Mike were still together as well. Kurt honestly believed they were unbreakable), how they'd feel knowing that _Finn_ was becoming immersed in _Hummel_ Tyre & Lube and Kurt was practically watching the family business being turned over to his step-brother.

Blaine pressed into his side, fingers lacing automatically as Kurt smiled wanly.

"You aren't talking much. Is everything okay?"

Kurt shrugged, tilting his head to lean against Blaine's shoulder. "I guess I'm just realising how far everyone has already drifted apart. I just…I can't participate with them."

"Sure you can," Blaine said, squeezing Kurt's hand and kissing the top of his head. "You have fabulous stories of being in New York! I'm sure everyone would love to know what it's like living there."

"Honestly, Blaine? I've barely seen it this term. I worked too hard."

"But you have friends," Blaine pointed out.

"I'm not sure I want to discuss Connor or Tyler with anyone here."

Blaine gnawed his lip when he saw Rachel slipping into the room, smiling and waving at Quinn and Puck as Finn lumbered in and bumped fists with Artie. "Kurt…"

"Oh great," Kurt muttered darkly. "_She's_ here."

"_Kurt_."

"Yeah, yeah, she's your sister and my roommate, blah blah blah."

Blaine could feel his heart twisting painfully because Kurt wasn't usually cruel like this. He watched his sister move to greet people, and then her gaze finally fell on them. She opened and closed her mouth several times, clearly torn.

"Hey Rach," Blaine said gently.

"Hi, I-"

"Keep moving," Kurt interrupted, raising his head off Blaine's shoulder to glare at her. "I'm not interested in listening to you."

"Kurt, _please_, I just-"

"I don't _care_," he yelled, stumbling to get to his feet as the room's chatter fell silent, eyes turning to watch the argument.

"Kurt, this isn't-"

"I always _knew_ you'd take her side!" Kurt shouted, whirling around on Blaine. "She's your sister! Of course you'd take her side in all of this!"

"I'm not-"

"But you _are_! You said hello to her and that's as good as giving her the indication that all is forgiven. And it's _not_ because I'm still so fucking angry."

"Kurt, hey, just-" Finn touched Kurt's shoulder and Kurt turned his fury on his step-brother.

"And you chose her side too. You're _my_ family and-"

"_KURT_," Puck roared.

Kurt startled, suddenly realising that they were surrounded by people, his former friends, who were watching with wide and curious eyes. He covered his mouth with his hand, biting down on his index finger as tears of panic welled.

"Kurt," Blaine whispered, stepping behind him. His shoulders were shaking as Blaine wrapped an arm around his waist and turned Kurt until he curled into Blaine's body. "Sorry," Blaine mouthed at Rachel and Finn, carefully leading Kurt out of the room and into the kitchen.

Blaine eased him to the floor against the cabinets, the kitchen cooler than the living room and less crowded.

He struggled to stop trembling, the thoughts in his head racing as he struggled to cope. It felt like he was trapped by so many conflicting emotions and streams of ideas and he just couldn't make them slow down or stop. He tugged at his hair, needing something to distract him.

"Kurt? Hey, look at me, talk to me," Blaine murmured, capturing his hands and freeing them from his hair.

"I can't," he whimpered, shaking his head and trying to focus on the pattern of Artie's kitchen floor. "I can't…I can't think. I can't-"

"Okay, okay." Blaine moved to sit in front of Kurt, tilting his head up until their eyes met. "Remember your breathing? Remember how we do this together?"

"It's not…it's not breathing, it's…my head…there's too much in my head," Kurt sniffled, tearing his hands free and gripping at his hair again.

"I don't understand?"

Kurt tried to clamp down on the sob but it fell from his lips as he grew frantic, his body shaking beyond his control and his thoughts wild.

"Hey, _hey_," Blaine squeezed his shoulders, rising to his knees to get closer to Kurt. "It's okay. It's _okay_. Whatever's going on, you're safe. You're _safe_, Kurt."

He felt like his nerves were alight with hysteria and he couldn't stop it. He didn't know what was going on. He was terrified and clawed at his button-down, trying to get it off, trying to breathe.

And then his mind short-circuited, everything stopped except for a soft whine as his breathing cut out and his heart pounded in his ears.

Blaine increased the pressure of his lips, tongue darting out to lick at Kurt's as his hand cradled the back of Kurt's neck to angle his head right. With a choked groan, Kurt's fingers twisted into Blaine's curls, pulling him into Kurt's lap and trying to kiss him harder and more insistently. Blaine's free hand dug into his hip until he became aware of the burning need in his lungs for oxygen and pulled away, turning his head to the side to gasp in air and shuddering faintly when Blaine leant his forehead against the side of Kurt's face.

"I'm sorry," Blaine breathed against his ear, kissing the junction of Kurt's jaw and neck softly. "It was the only thing I could think of to distract the hell out of you."

A giggle bubbled out of his mouth as he realised that it had actually worked. His thoughts had shifted from panic to desire and his heart had slowed enough to sync up with Blaine's thudding heartbeat.

"I think I could probably do with distractions like that more often," Kurt mumbled shyly.

Blaine decorated the side of Kurt's face with gentle kisses before shifting back to his position in front of Kurt, his hands sliding to tangle with Kurt's hands. "So it wasn't as ridiculously stupid as I thought at first?"

Kurt's head hit the cabinet as he smiled lazily at Blaine. "I seemed to have calmed down."

"Indeed," Blaine drawled, his thumb running over the knuckles of Kurt's hand. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Kurt frowned in thought. "It was…everything was just all haywire in my brain. I couldn't concentrate, I couldn't centre myself, I couldn't focus. I panicked I guess."

"I saw that much," Blaine teased, the pads of his fingers lightly brushing against Kurt's palm. "It was the only thing I could come up with doing."

"Do it more often."

Blaine chuckled and beckoned Kurt into his lap. He shifted back so Kurt wouldn't be cramped up against the kitchen cabinet and carded his fingers through Kurt's hair.

"I got so irrationally angry with Rachel too," he mumbled as his eyes drifted closed, his ear listening to beat of Blaine's heart through his femoral artery that he was pressed against. "And Finn. And you. God Blaine, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I just…I lost it, didn't I? I just lost it in front of everyone."

"It's okay," Blaine assured, massaging the ridge behind Kurt's ear. "It's okay. You've been under a lot of stress. They understand. They're your friends."

"It doesn't mean you deserve it or that I wasn't in the wrong though."

Blaine couldn't really argue with that so he just kept petting Kurt's hair and kneading parts of his scalp until Kurt was heavy and pliant against his leg, not asleep but just thoroughly relaxed.

Kurt fumbled to grab at one of Blaine's hands, curling it into his chest like he did back in Junior year and remembering what it was like to just feel _calm_ and at peace. He didn't know where the rage had come from but it had scared him. But with Blaine, with Blaine he was safe and it was okay. He couldn't be hurt here. He was in his bubble of security and soothed by Blaine's presence.

He could hear the talking and music from the living room but felt no appeal to return to the room, preferring to just be with Blaine than hearing another story he didn't understand the intricacies of. It didn't feel like it mattered that they weren't participating. No one came to find them or bother them as Kurt snuggled closer to Blaine and hummed quietly with his happiness and pleasure at being so comfortable and loved.

Blaine found himself smiling at how at ease Kurt was now that he'd calmed down, mentally congratulating his brain on thinking that trying to kiss Kurt senseless had actually_ worked_ and it wasn't a dumb solution.

"Kurt?" Finn shouted, startling them both from their solitude. "Kurt? Where are you?"

"Kitchen," Kurt tiredly yelled back, propping himself up as Finn rushed into the room, clutching his phone. "Finn?"

"Kurt, we gotta go," Finn said, dashing over to haul Kurt to his feet and offering his hand to Blaine to pull him up.

"Why? What's going on?"

"It's Burt," Finn said shortly.

Kurt felt his heart seize in his chest as Blaine and Rachel bundled him into the car, shoes haphazardly thrown on as Finn climbed into the driver's seat and started the car.

"How do you know?" Blaine broached quietly, his hand being squeezed so tightly by Kurt's he feared for his circulation.

Stifling her cries, Rachel handed Finn's phone to them in the backseat. Kurt found the message and wondered if this was what it was like to have the world fall out from beneath you.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Please keep arms and legs inside the moving vehicle. Please put all rotten fruit and vegetables away. Please don't send me death threats. (I've actually had these before for my writing so...) This is sort of your last warning to turn back now because it's not pretty next chapter...or for quite a while after it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Title:** A Family By Any Other Name  
><strong>Author:<strong> an-alternate-world  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M  
><strong>CharactersPairings:** Kurt/Blaine  
><strong>Word count:<strong> 6,268  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Kurt hadn't known what to expect from his first year at college. He thought it would be difficult with the workload and being apart from Blaine, but he tried not to have too many expectations. Even if he had, he couldn't have envisioned it like this..  
><strong>WarningsSpoilers: **No spoilers because the story builds on the prequel, _A Sibling By Any Other Name_. If you haven't read that, you'll definitely want to because this probably won't make a heck of a lot of sense. As for **warnings**, ANGST ANGST ANGST.  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I am in no way associated with _Glee, FOX_, Ryan Murphy or anything else related to the _Glee _universe.

* * *

><p><em><strong>General warning: Prepare thy tissue box.<strong>_

* * *

><p><em>"Kurt, we gotta go," Finn said, dashing over to haul Kurt to his feet and offering his hand to Blaine to pull him up.<em>

_"Why? What's going on?"_

_"It's Burt," Finn said shortly._

_Kurt felt his heart seize in his chest as Blaine and Rachel bundled him into the car, shoes haphazardly thrown on as Finn climbed into the driver's seat and started the car._

_"How do you know?" Blaine broached quietly, his hand being squeezed so tightly by Kurt's he feared for his circulation._

_Stifling her cries, Rachel handed Finn's phone to them in the backseat. Kurt found the message and wondered if this was what it was like to have the world fall out from beneath you._

* * *

><p>Finn had barely slowed the car down before Kurt was ripping himself from Blaine's arms and sprinting towards the emergency entrance. Everything felt loud and too clear, and yet fuzzy and surreal at the same time.<p>

"My dad! Where's my dad?" he yelled at the startled receptionist.

"Kurt-"

"Burt Hummel, where is he?" he demanded again, tears streaking down his face.

"Kurt honey, how about we go sit down?" Carole said, looping her arms around his shoulders and steering him away.

"What's going on?" he sobbed, clinging to her blouse. "It's Christmas, Carole. _Christmas_. He can't- He-"

She cuddled him into her arms, rocking him back and forth as Finn, Rachel and Blaine ran in looking scared and frantic. She waved them over and Finn's hand tangled with Rachel's while Rachel fumbled for Blaine's.

"Carole, _p-please_," Kurt begged, his eyes already swollen. "He's going to be okay, right? He's- He's-"

She bit her lip and wiped the tears off his cheeks. "It wasn't a heart attack, Kurt," she said, and he stilled with shock. "It…it was a stroke, honey."

"A…no. _No_," he whimpered, shaking his head. "No, it's always been his heart! His heart was-"

"It was a possible complication from the medication they put him on after his palpitations at Thanksgiving," she explained, staring him full in the eye. "They said it was a small chance but your family seems to be cursed with getting the bad luck."

"But he's going to be okay, right?"

She looked up at Finn, her face drawn and sad. "It's not looking good."

Kurt erupted into loud sobs and Blaine hurriedly brushed his own tears away to pull Kurt into his lap. Finn moved to embrace his mother while Rachel crouched in front of Kurt and Blaine, rubbing his knee and feeling completely useless.

Hours passed and felt like years. Every time a doctor or nurse appeared at the secured doors, Carole and Kurt looked up hopefully, before someone else was ushered in to be checked over or see a family member. Rachel's phone chimed repeatedly with texts from the New Directions party asking what had happened, then what was going on, then for updates.

It was one thirty in the morning, Christmas Day, when a doctor finally called for Burt's family. It seemed ridiculous to Blaine seeing as the waiting room was empty and they had been there at least four hours, but he stood with his arm firmly around Kurt's waist, swallowing down his own emotions to be there for Kurt.

The doctor approached them, his bandana cap in his hands and looking between Carole and Kurt, who were clearly the most distraught.

"He's on life support," the doctor said, and Finn gave a muffled yell as his mother sagged and fell back into her seat, burying her face in her hands.

"But…but that's okay, right? He was on life support in Junior year and came off it…" Kurt sniffled, glancing between Carole and the doctor.

The doctor, Dr Huang according to his ID badge pinned to his dark blue scrubs, gave the tiniest shake of his head. "I'm sorry, he-"

"No! _NO_!" Kurt screamed, shoving Blaine away as he tried to grab Huang and shake him. Blaine moved faster to pull him back, and together with Finn pinned his arms by his sides as he burst into fitful cries, sinking slowly to his feet.

Huang shifted his weight from foot to foot anxiously before motioning to a nurse that was standing by the doors. She walked over and he talked quietly with her for a moment. She nodded and sat in one of the chairs while Huang disappeared back into the hospital labyrinth behind the emergency doors.

Kurt eventually cried himself out until he was dry heaving and clutching at Blaine's shirt, his breathing wheezy as he struggled to get enough oxygen into his system.

"Hey, _hey_," Blaine said, cradling Kurt to his chest as Rachel moved from comforting Finn and Carole to kneel beside Kurt.

"Kurt, look at me," she said, wiggling her fingers into his tight grip and trying to encourage his gaze to move.

"Should I get a sedative?" the nurse asked, falling silent when Blaine shot her a wicked glare.

With Rachel's help, Blaine managed to get Kurt's breathing at least semi-regular, his occasional hitching breaths a sign of the agony he must be feeling. Blaine had never properly grieved for his parents but he knew how much Kurt had needed and relied on his father. Without Kurt, Burt had been like a third father to him the past six months, inviting him over to watch games and talk sports. When it hit, he knew it was going to hurt and leave him breathless with tears as well.

"Can I see him?" Kurt croaked, blinking his reddened eyes at the nurse. "Please, can I-"

"Of course," she soothed, touching his shoulder gently. "I'll show you to him when you're ready."

After another fifteen minutes, Kurt had contained enough of his stormy emotions to give a weak nod to Blaine and stand, swaying slightly as he gained his bearings. Carole was still weeping into Finn's chest, a tissue balled in her hands, so he followed the nurse with Blaine's hand tucked tightly in his and Rachel's body pressed into his side.

It wasn't as much of a shock as last time. He knew what life support meant. The only difference was the bandaging covering his father's head from the attempt at relieving the pressure. A machine in the corner timed Burt's breaths, the black pump rising and falling and matching the inflation of Burt's torso.

Rachel turned away to stifle a cry and Blaine rapidly blinked away tears as Kurt stumbled into a chair by his father's bedside.

"I can't believe you'd do this," he sniffled, lacing his hands with Burt's and shuddering with pent up sobs. "I can't believe you'd decide _Christmas_ was the best time for your brain to explode."

Blaine gently massaged his shoulders and he choked on the emotion strangling his throat, his lungs, his stomach.

"I love you," he whispered brokenly. "I'm so-" He looked down at his lap, the tears splashing onto the dark denim he'd worn that night for the party. Oh God, the party. It seemed like a decade ago now. "I'm _sorry_."

"Kurt-"

"I'm sorry you aren't going to see me grow up and turn twenty-one or graduate from Tisch or come to my opening night on Broadway. I'm sorry you aren't going to hold your grandchildren or hold Carole's hand in a rocking chair. I'm sorry you aren't going to fix Mrs McHendry's car, even though I think she's a hypochondriac or whatever the term is for someone who fusses over their car as much as she does." He squeezed his father's hand, aching for even the barest hint that it would be returned. He hadn't given up hope last time, but last time he hadn't been on life support because his brain had shorted. There wasn't an opportunity to come back from this.

The carefully guarded hysteria shattered in his chest as he started crying again, sobs that dragged at his throat and made his heart painfully thud against his ribcage. His father as he knew him was gone. All that was left was a body that was being artificially kept alive.

He was alone.

* * *

><p>As his wife, Carole had the legal right to determine when the life support machine should be switched off. But as Kurt's stepmother, she refused to do anything until Kurt had accepted the inevitability and, at the very least, it was no longer Christmas Day. She knew it would mar every Christmas for the rest of his life regardless, but she couldn't stand the idea that the official day of death would be December 25.<p>

Instead, she left Kurt in the ICU room with Burt's hand clutched in his own, returning Rachel to her house before venturing back to a house that suddenly felt cold and empty, the TV still on and the living room in disarray from where she'd eased Burt to the floor before calling 911. She wiped the tears away as she righted the cushions and magazines and switched off the morning weather report, deciding that anything without a bleak outlook was a lie. Burt was gone. Almost.

She pulled the crumpled list of names and numbers that one of the nurses had given her, chewing at her thumbnail as she hunted for the telephone before eventually finding it under the couch.

"_Death doesn't stop just because it's Christmas_," the nurse had said, pressing the paper into her hand. "_Neither does the business surrounding death. These places will still be operating today. You should start the arrangements sooner rather than later._"

She honestly wasn't sure how she was meant to do this.

* * *

><p>"Kurt, are you hungry?"<p>

"No."

"I'm kind of hungry."

"Go with Blaine then."

"Blaine, are you hungry?"

"Not especially."

"But I'm hungry."

Kurt balled his hand into a fist in his lap. "Then go get something to eat, Finn."

"I don't want to be alone," Finn whined, his knee bouncing with anxiety.

"Oh my _God_, what are you? A girl who can't pee on her own? Grow up, Finn. You graduated high school. You can go to the hospital cafeteria and get some shitty, expired sandwich and put on a Christmas hat and for the love of God, don't come back," Kurt snapped.

"Kurt-"

"Shove off, Blaine," Kurt growled, his anger rising. "Don't try and pacify me right now while my father is the epitome of dead in front of me. Go with Finn. Just get out."

Blaine glanced between Finn and Kurt. "Fine," he sighed, motioning he'd follow after Finn. Finn stood and left the room, shutting the door quietly behind him. "Is there anything I can get you? A coffee or a biscuit or something?"

"You can get me something that will take me back in time so I can stop all this," Kurt muttered, staring at his father's hand, willing it to twitch, willing it to move. "You can bring my father back to me. You can do whatever you like but it's never going to be enough, Blaine. My father is _dead_, don't you get that?"

"Of course I do," Blaine said quietly, clasping his hands in his lap and staring at them. "I lost my parents too."

"You were _five_. You didn't even remember what they looked like until a year ago," Kurt spat.

Blaine's eyes widened and burned with fresh tears. "That's not fair."

"Well then, I'm sorry," Kurt said, his voice short and vicious and not even faintly apologetic.

Blaine shook his head and stood. "Finn lost his father too, Kurt. Maybe we were too young to understand, but it's still a loss and we still had to grieve. Maybe when you realise you aren't so alone in this, you'll stop being so nasty."

He met Finn outside, mirroring him by shoving his hands in his pockets and silently leading Finn towards the cafeteria.

* * *

><p>Kurt found a balcony that was protected from the wind but littered with snow, tucking his coat around his shoulders tighter and shivering. It was <em>Christmas<em>. This wasn't meant to happen, not now, not ever. And not this way. He thought his father would always recover from having a heart attack but a stroke… It was so left-field and he'd never considered it happening. He'd never considered not even being twenty and having no living parents. Without Burt, Carole returned to…what? She couldn't really be his step-mother and Finn couldn't be his step-brother. She wasn't his guardian because he was legally eighteen and living out of home. Where Blaine was adopted and found a second home and a second family, Kurt was left with nothing and no one that he could call his own.

With shaking fingers, he tapped at the buttons on his phone and pressed its cold surface to his ear.

_Ring_.

_Ring._

_Ring_.

"Hello? Kurt?"

"Ty, I…" He slumped to the ground, his back pressed against the icy brick and sheltered himself further from the snow and the wind that bustled around the balcony. "I'm sorry. I know it's Christmas and everything but-"

"Stop rambling. What's going on?"

He bit his lip, wincing at how raw it was from chewing on it for hours while holding his father's hand. "My dad's in the hospital."

"Shit."

"He-" A sob escaped before he could cover his mouth. "Oh God, Ty. He had a stroke and he…he's…"

"Oh Kurt…" Tyler breathed, the sound of a door closing echoing through the line. "What can I do?"

"I don't even know," Kurt whimpered, tears feeling like icicles as they drifted down his cheeks. "I keep attacking everyone. Blaine and Finn went to the cafeteria hours ago and didn't come back. I don't want to be here, Tyler. I don't…I don't know what to do."

"Hey, you keep safe, okay?" Tyler said, voice firm and commanding.

"I can't stay here," Kurt murmured, tucking his knees to his chest. "I _can't_, Tyler. I need to get back to New York. I'll stay for the funeral but I…I can't stay."

"I fly back to New York on the 28th," Tyler said gently. "Do you want to come stay at mine for a bit when you get back?"

"Can I?"

"I offered, silly," Tyler teased and Kurt gave a teary half-smile even though Tyler couldn't see it. "But seriously, is there anything else I can do? A couch and a blanket isn't really much when you've lost your dad."

"I don't know what I need right now. I've pushed everyone else away," Kurt admitted, wiping his eyes on his knees.

"Well, you need them. You need them as much as you can, and they know that. They know you're grieving, Kurt. Let Blaine help you," Tyler said.

He was well-aware that Tyler was right, but it didn't necessarily make apologising or accepting the comfort Blaine offered any easier.

"I need to get back to lunch but you know you can call me again or at any other time between now and whenever you get back to New York, okay?" Tyler said.

Kurt nodded before realising he was on the phone. "Yeah. I'll…I'll probably be back before New Year."

"Take care of yourself," Tyler reminded him.

"I will," Kurt whispered before Tyler hung up and the phone went silent in his ear.

He stayed outside until the cold was ravaging him and he felt like a frozen ball. No one else had dared come out here, not even for a cigarette, and he didn't especially want to pass out of hypothermia or something equally as stupid when there was a perfectly warm hospital room he could sit in silently while pretending his father was going to give some semblance of movement.

His teeth chattered as he re-entered the ward and walked the quiet corridor to his father's bedroom.

"Blaine…"

"Where were you?" Blaine exclaimed, standing quickly and brushing snow off Kurt's shoulders. "Okay, dumb question. God, you look like a popsicle. You shouldn't have been outside!"

"I n-needed t-to make a-a phone c-call," Kurt stammered, shivering as Blaine draped his coat over Kurt and helped him into the chair by Burt's bedside.

"I'm sure there are places you could have gone that weren't outside," Blaine frowned, grasping at Kurt's hands and rubbing them between his own. They were so much warmer that it felt like Blaine's hands were fire, comforting and relaxing as sensation returned to his fingertips.

"I'm sorry about what I said before," Kurt said, glancing at his lap before tentatively meeting Blaine's eyes. "It was so wrong and so terrible and I'm an awful person for saying it."

"You're upset," Blaine shrugged, kneading his thumb into the back of Kurt's left hand. "I get it. We all lash out when we're hurting."

"But I-"

"Stop," Blaine interrupted, "and listen to me. I'm not going to say it didn't hurt, because it did."

Kurt swallowed and dropped his gaze until Blaine tilted his chin and forced their eyes to meet again.

"But I understand and I accept your apology, if that's what it is you need to hear," Blaine conceded.

Kurt sniffed as Blaine brushed the tears from his eyes and kissed his hands.

"And now I'll ask again. Can I get you anything from the cafeteria? Can I do anything for you? Finn went home to get a few hours sleep or see Rachel or whatever, so it's just us here."

_Don't give up on me._

_Hold me._

_Don't let me go._

_Piece me back together again._

_Bring my father back._

"No, there's nothing," Kurt whispered, his gaze drifting back to his father. What was the point in asking for things Blaine couldn't do?

* * *

><p>Carole finally shuffled in just after eight. Blaine had dozed off on the couch and Kurt was drifting in and out of fits of sleep, jerking awake every time the smallest beep had a spontaneous increase in volume. Her eyes were puffy and her face was flushed from all the crying, and seeing Kurt so pale and distressed made her lower lip wobble.<p>

"Kurt," she whispered, touching his shoulder softly. He sat bolt upright, glancing around wildly and waking Blaine with his noise, who tumbled off the sofa with a thud.

"s'goin' on?" Blaine mumbled, rubbing his head as he blinked blurry eyes at Carole.

Carole carefully examined Kurt's bloodshot eyes, a combination of crying and not enough sleep. "Honey, you need to go home. There's nothing for you here."

"Carole-"

She wrapped her arms around him as he broke down again, agonised but tearless sobs wrenching from deep in his chest. Blaine crawled back onto the couch, wrapping his arms around his knees as he watched mournfully.

"Carole, I can't…I _can't_…he…he's everything," Kurt cried, clinging to her as she rocked him back and forth slowly.

"I know sweetie, I know," she cooed, tears slipping down her cheeks.

Kurt eventually quietened again, pulling away to cover his face and breathe as evenly as he could, even though it clearly caught and hitched several times.

"What…what's going to happen?" he murmured through his fingers, swallowing the lump in his throat down as best as he could.

Carole prised his fingers off his face and she looked so _sad_. "I've…made arrangements," she admitted, and the gaze she'd been holding disappeared as Kurt looked at his lap. "But none of it will be set into motion unless you agree to take him off the life support."

"I _can't_," he whispered, holding his arms over his stomach to try and keep himself together. "I couldn't do it in my Junior year, I can't do it now."

"But there's no hope this time."

"There's _always_ hope!" he snapped, and she recoiled backwards. His face tinted. "Sorry."

She glanced at Blaine, who was staring over his knees at his feet. This wasn't any easier on him either. "If you really can't make the decision, then…then I'll _have_ to make it but I'd rather that we were in agreement on it…"

There were so many thoughts that flooded through Kurt's mind, but all he could focus on was how Carole would willingly kill his father, she would just pull the plug like he meant nothing. But somehow that got swept away because his father was _gone_, his father wasn't coming back. His throat constricted as the reality of the situation started to set in, the fear overwhelming him as he struggled for breath. He could hear Carole and Blaine, but their voices sounded far away, like they were underwater, and their faces swam in and out of focus as he clawed at his chest.

"_Kurt_," Blaine repeated, cupping Kurt's cheeks and desperately trying to keep his gaze steady. "Look at me. _Look at me_. Carole, he's not _breathing_."

Carole pressed her thumbs into Kurt's back, hitting several nerves that made Kurt's mind short-circuit with pain and gasp, which led to him heaving in breaths as his hands started shaking in his lap.

"Hey honey," Blaine breathed, seeing Kurt's eyes sharpen as he came back to the situation at hand.

"He needs to go home and sleep," Carole whispered, her fingers lightly carding through Kurt's hair.

Kurt tried to shake his head but black spots erupted across his vision so he stilled again.

"Kurt, there's nothing you can do here," Carole said. "I'm sorry but…there's not."

A weight settled, somewhere over Kurt's chest and in his stomach, as Blaine led him out of the hospital room and away, away, away to the car that Finn had driven them in last night and then home, where Finn and Rachel were silently sitting at the bottom of the stairs.

"Kurt-"

"I don't want to hear it Rachel," he interrupted, avoiding her eyes as he walked past them and towards the door to his bedroom in the basement. Blaine squeezed his sister's shoulder and followed after Kurt, sinking onto the bed behind him and cradling his body close.

"It's _Christmas_," Kurt muttered, bunching a pillow beneath his head as he sniffled weakly. "He can't die on _Christmas_."

Blaine ran his fingers soothingly over Kurt's back and through his hair, at a complete loss for words. "I think he knew. After the scare at Thanksgiving and then a few weeks ago, I think-"

"A few weeks ago?" Kurt rolled over, his eyes wide and confused. "What happened a few weeks ago?"

"I thought…I thought you knew…" Blaine mumbled, his stomach twisting with the realisation that although Burt had assured Carole he would tell Kurt, he clearly hadn't.

"What happened a few weeks ago?" Kurt demanded, his voice more forceful and rising with the mess of emotions he was feeling.

"He had a bad headache that lasted a few days and so they checked him out and it was some sort of minor brain bleed or something because of the medication he was on," Blaine explained, his heart aching at the look of terror and fury battling on Kurt's face. "He said he'd tell you…"

"And you didn't think to mention that my father was in the hospital? Carole didn't? Finn didn't?" Kurt yelled, stumbling out of the bed in his haste to get away from Blaine. "How could you? You aren't his _son, _and yet I'm the only one who seems to have missed out on knowing this!"

"That's not fair," Blaine frowned, pushing out of the bed to approach Kurt.

"Don't you dare come near me right now," Kurt hissed, stepping back until he collided with a wall.

Tears burned Blaine's eyes as he raised his hands and retreated. "Okay, okay. I- I'm sorry."

Kurt turned away, his shoulders shaking as he gripped his sides. "Get out," he choked. "Get out and close the door behind you."

"Kurt-"

"_Get out!_" Kurt shrieked, spinning to face Blaine and his face so wounded that Blaine nodded and kept retreating backwards until he reached the stairs.

"I-I'm truly sorry, you know."

"That means nothing to me anymore," Kurt whispered brokenly as Blaine ascended the stairs and left. When he heard the door click shut, he slumped to his knees, no longer able to cry and yet racked by pain, guilt, hurt, denial, anger, and a hundred other emotions he could never hope to discern and name.

* * *

><p>Kurt woke up thrashing and screaming, the nightmare of being buried alive fleeing as he fell out of bed in his haste to get away. He fumbled with the lamp on the bedside table, flooding the room with light and trembling as he adjusted to being awake and alive. The room was empty except for himself and he wondered where everyone was. The clock beside his bed blinked that it was just after eleven fifteen and he figured someone would probably still be awake. He knew he should apologise to Blaine, or ask Carole about the brain bleed thing. There was just so much to take in and he didn't know how to hold himself together.<p>

The kitchen lights were on and he could hear quiet voices. Swallowing hard, he shuffled towards the kitchen where Blaine was sitting beside Rachel, their eyes rimmed with red and clutching each other's hands. Finn sat across from Rachel looking lost and twirling his phone around and around on the table.

Rachel spotted him first. "Kurt. Oh Kurt," she breathed, stumbling to her feet and running over to him to pull him into a hug. Blaine didn't look up from where he was continuing to gaze at his hands and Finn reached over to squeeze at his wrist. It made Kurt's heart ache that his brother and boyfriend had gotten so close while he'd been in New York with Rachel, and now he didn't even know how to talk to any of them. He felt numb and distanced from the whole situation somehow, like he didn't belong or that it was some sort of murky dream.

Rachel pulled back to make him a cup of chamomile tea, even though he tried to protest he didn't want it. Mostly he just figured Rachel needed something to do to keep her hands busy and her mind occupied, even if it was getting mugs from a cupboard and staring at the kettle while it boiled.

Blaine still wouldn't look at him as Kurt slid into the seat beside Finn and exhaled shakily. "I'm sorry. For…for lashing out earlier."

Blaine raised one of his shoulders in a shrug and let it drop. "I get it, Kurt. I get that you're hurting. I lost my parents too, okay?"

"I know that," Kurt mumbled, crossing his arms over his stomach and trying to hold himself together because it felt like he was cracking into pieces. "I know."

He wanted Blaine to look at him, wanted to see that it _would _be okay, but Blaine's attention didn't waver from his bitten nails. Sighing, Kurt folded his arms onto the table and pillowed his head against them, ignoring Rachel's attempts at coaxing him into drinking the mug of tea she put beside his elbow. The four of them fell into a silence that wasn't awkward but was distinctly uncomfortable, filled with tension and emotion and expectation.

It dragged on and on until the phone rang shrilly, startling Rachel so badly she shrieked and held a hand to her heart. Kurt was already scrambling out of the seat, nearly ripping the phone off the wall in his haste to answer it.

"H-hello?"

"_Kurt_."

His heart dropped to his stomach, to his feet. It stopped. It broke. "No. _No_. P-please Carole, please…_no_…" His knees gave out on him and Finn caught him before he smacked into the floor too hard. "No, Carole…you said…y-you promised…"

"I didn't have a choice," Carole sobbed. "He had another stroke and then his heart stopped and…they couldn't bring him back, honey. He…I'm so sorry. Oh Kurt, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

The receiver fell from his hands as he burst into a fresh fit of tears. He was barely aware of Finn holding him, talking into the phone before he handed it to Rachel to return to the receiver on the wall. He didn't know where Blaine was. All that he could think about was that his father was gone and he was never coming back, and he hadn't even properly said goodbye.

* * *

><p>He couldn't tell if Blaine was still avoiding him or if he was just too caught up in his grief to pay attention to where Blaine was and what he was doing and how he was feeling. Carole finished the funeral arrangements and Kurt felt like it was the worst time to die, not just because it ruined Christmas for every year to come, but because all of New Directions was home for the holidays and kept coming around to try and talk to Kurt, try and hold his hand, try and comfort him. It wasn't enough. It was never enough. It never <em>would be <em>enough.

He barely ate, slept or talked. Showering only occurred when Rachel shoved him in there on the day of his father's funeral, the 27th. It felt like someone had scraped out his heart with a spoon and now there was just this big blank void. It hurt so much that all he could do was cry. He cried himself to sleep, he woke himself up crying. Anything he did, anything he saw, resulted in tears and sobs that were starting to hurt his throat and chest.

He also couldn't tell you what happened at the funeral. He thought Finn might have spoken on behalf of the family, because Carole kept weeping and Kurt couldn't lift his eyes from his shoes or make his voice work anymore. There were a lot of gentle hugs and words that sounded empty and hollow. There was silent movement to the gravesite which was freezing and covered white with snow. Carole had managed to organise a grave beside the one where Kurt's mother lay and his stomach kept doing somersaults as he stared at the big blank hole and the dark coloured coffin resting above it on wooden slats. He remembered when his mother had died and all he'd wanted was to hold her hand, hold his father's hand, hold anyone's hand. Carole had his hand in a death grip and Rachel was on his other side but it wasn't the same, it wasn't enough. Where was Blaine's hand anyway?

The tears on his cheeks burned in the cold but it was the only thing he could really feel through the pain and the numbness. He laid the white rose on his father's casket and stepped back, shoving his hands in his pockets because he didn't want to be touching anyone else's right now. He wasn't really aware of people moving around him, touching his shoulder as they whispered words and started to move away. He just kept staring, wondering what there was on the other side. Could his father hear? Was his father some sort of spiritual ghost that could see? Death both fascinated and terrified him with all the elements of the unknown.

"Sweetheart?" Carole squeezed his arm as she clutched at Finn's other arm. "Kurt honey, we're leaving now. Come on."

He blinked, his eyelashes feeling awful with the half-frozen tears that clung to them. "I don't want to."

"I know honey, I know. But we need to go home. Your father…he wouldn't want you out in the cold and getting sick."

"Home?" Something inside him shattered a little. "I don't have a home."

"Of course you do," Carole frowned. "You have your broth-"

"He's not my brother," Kurt interrupted, the flash of fury turning into a simmering flame that was starting to spread through him and burn away all the numbness. "He's_ not_ my brother because you're not my mother."

Carole glanced between Kurt and Finn. "I know it's only semantics but-"

"It's not semantics," Kurt snapped and she closed her mouth. "My father is dead. The marriage you had is dead. You're back to being Carole and Finn and no longer _family_."

"Kurt-"

"And you aren't my mother or my sister either," Kurt hissed at Rachel, throwing her hand off his shoulder and glaring at her.

"Don't you talk to me like that, Kurt Hummel," she said, a fire burning in her eyes. "Don't you take it out on the people that care about you."

His laugh was broken and bitter. He wasn't quite sure why he felt the need to destroy everything like this but he just _did_. He knew it'd be better if he distanced himself from them. And it was true, Carole wasn't his mother or even his stepmother anymore. He was legally an adult. He didn't need her as a guardian or anything.

"God, do you even listen to yourself?" He stared down at her and curled his fingers into fists. "You're so full of patronising bullshit and no one cares what you have to say. No one ever did in Glee club either."

"Hey!"

"Shut up, Finn," Kurt yelled, stumbling in the snow as he tried to find a steady path through the graveyard. "You loathed her just as much as me sometimes!"

"I never-"

"Don't talk about her like that," Blaine broke in, and it was the first time Kurt noticed him standing beneath a tree, his head lowered and his face as pale as the snow beneath his feet. "You never loathed her."

"Don't tell me what I did and didn't feel."

"Kurt-"

"_No_." He flung Carole's hand away from his arm again. God, when would they stop _touching _him? "_You _aren't my brother," he pointed at Finn and then looked at Carole, "_you_ aren't my mother. You're not my sister," he glared at Rachel, "and you're not-"

His voice caught when Blaine's head raised suddenly, his startled, frightened face meeting Kurt's.

"Kurt. No. _No_, don't. _Please_. Don't push us away."

"You're not…" He choked on the words and turned away from them all, hugging his arms to his stomach again.

"So that's it then? You're going to break up with me after burying your father? Classy, Kurt. Real classy," Blaine spat. "He'd be so _proud_ that his son was shoving away everyone that gave a fuck about him."

Kurt launched himself at Blaine and managed to punch him in the shoulder. Rachel sobbed for him to stop as Finn tore him away. He kicked and flailed at Blaine and at Finn, desperate to lash out and cause the same amount of pain he was feeling. "You don't get it!"

"I lost my parents too!" Blaine shouted, shaking off Rachel's arm and stepping closer to Kurt. "I lost them-"

"And you forgot what they looked like!" Kurt screamed, making Blaine stumble back the few steps he'd gained in shock. "You _forgot_. I'll _never _forget my parents so stop comparing our goddamn situations because mine hurts a hell of a lot worse than yours."

Blaine gaped at him, his eyes dark with betrayal. "_Wow_, Kurt. I've known you more than a decade and I don't think I've ever seen you be such a selfish, heartless bitch."

"That makes two of us," Kurt whispered, shoving Finn off him and storming away from them, storming away from the gravesite, storming away from the skeletonised remains of his mother and his recently dead father, and feeling like he'd rather be dead beside them than facing a life without them.

* * *

><p>He wasn't sure when or how he got home, only that it was dark outside and dark inside the house. He wasn't sure where anyone was, but figured Finn, Rachel and Blaine were probably at the Berry's, and maybe Carole was there too, giving him some space to calm down. It didn't matter. He'd walked for hours in the cold, his hands purple and his feet frozen in their soggy socks as he unlocked the front door. He knew what he wanted to do, or needed to do.<p>

It didn't take him as long as he'd thought, to be honest. Hours spent wandering around had given him the time to think about what was important in his life and what he could leave behind. As he packed up the few remaining items in the house or his room he wanted to take with him, he couldn't help wondering why it had had to happen _now_, over Christmas.

He chewed his lip as he found a notepad and a pen, writing a brief letter to Carole and Finn that they were welcome to the house, regardless of what the will might say. He didn't care about a will and inheritance anyway. It felt too real, like accepting money that had been his father's meant that his father was completely gone.

He only startled a little when he tasted blood, realising he had stripped off so many layers of skin from his lip that it had started to bubble with blood. The coppery taste cleared his head enough that he debated whether to write something, anything, to Rachel or Blaine. But he also knew that he needed to get to New York and clear out the apartment he shared with Rachel and she would go there eventually. He'd have time on the plane to figure out what to write to her, which left Blaine.

No matter how many hours he had spent walking around in the cold, he could still see Blaine's heartbroken expression when he'd realised where Kurt was going in declaring who people weren't. It was as good as a break-up. The words they'd shouted at each other... There was no coming back from that. His heart clenched as he left the solitary note folded up on the kitchen table and called for a cab to take him to the airport.

With a final once-over of the house, he decided he'd gathered anything and everything he wanted and the rest…well, he didn't care about the rest. The cab arrived and he loaded in his bags before locking the door and pressing the key beneath the tiny crack at the bottom of the door.

Kurt Hummel was leaving Ohio and he had no intention of looking or coming back.

It was time to start fresh and leave everyone behind. And it began with making sure he stared straight ahead as the cab pulled away from the curb of his house and ignoring how sick he felt as it drove further and further away.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** So um. I'm going to relocate somewhere that has an untraceable IP so I don't get killed...

An apology that this has been so long coming. It literally took me six weeks or so to write it because I kept breaking down myself, and then I always like having a spare chapter for it. It's been nearly a month so I thought I owed it to you to upload this even though I was hoping to have chapter nine done first. Alas.

A few quick things about the plot: While yes, Burt has only ever been diagnosed with heart problems, _it is actually possible for him to have had a stroke due to medication complications. _My father has had heart troubles for 30+ years and landed in hospital six months into my first year of Uni and was warned that the medication he was on were substantially increasing his risk of a stroke, which freaked him the hell out. So while you can bite my head off for what I did, don't bite my head off for medical inaccuracies. I am well aware strokes and heart attacks are different, and I'm aware that it is actually possible for it to happen.

Second, I always knew what was going to happen to Burt. Hence the ANGST ANGST ANGST warnings. There's actually been a few hints throughout the story (apart from the Thanksgiving scare) if you knew what to to look for. The particular plot of an off-the-rails!Kurt after Burt dying has been kicking around in my head before I even started ASBAON but I was never going to actually write it as Anderberry/a sequel until it came together better in my head when I was in the process of finishing up ASBAON.

Third, there will be a lack of visible Blaine in coming chapters, but it's still a Kurt/Blaine fic. Kurt might have run, but at some point, Blaine will give chase. Think _Prom _last year. Their relationship isn't _permanently _over, so don't kill me for the cruelty of separating them. There will be a reunion some chapters down the track (roughly 10 or 11 in my head). There will also be a side story published when this finishes which is basically letters/diary entries from Blaine's perspective of their time apart.

Um. Yeah. I think that's all I have to really say here for now before I start packing my bags and running away from axe-wielding murderers for making Burt die. I swear there's nothing that traumatic happening again..


	8. Chapter 8

**Title:** A Family By Any Other Name  
><strong>Author:<strong> an-alternate-world  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M  
><strong>CharactersPairings:** Kurt/Blaine  
><strong>Word count:<strong> 6,154  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Kurt hadn't known what to expect from his first year at college. He thought it would be difficult with the workload and being apart from Blaine, but he tried not to have too many expectations. Even if he had, he couldn't have envisioned it like this..  
><strong>WarningsSpoilers: **No spoilers because the story builds on the prequel, _A Sibling By Any Other Name_. If you haven't read that, you'll definitely want to because this probably won't make a heck of a lot of sense. As for **warnings**, ANGST ANGST ANGST.  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I am in no way associated with _Glee, FOX_, Ryan Murphy or anything else related to the _Glee _universe.

* * *

><p>By the time he touched down in New York, Kurt had deleted his Facebook, closed up all the email accounts he could, changed his Skype password to something impossible to know so he couldn't log in and finally, snapped his SIM card in half.<p>

He stared at the tiny piece of broken plastic but it was too late now. It was already broken. He dropped it into the bin and clutched at his bags, falling into the nearest cab and giving it his address for the apartment he shared with Rachel.

As the taxi crawled through the early morning traffic (and seriously, why was New York busy even at five in the morning?), he turned over his available options. He could potentially stay in the apartment but it was dangerous, especially if Rachel or Blaine flew out to try and find him. He knew Josh and Olivia had the spare room but he wasn't sure if they'd returned to…wherever they originated from. Wow. He'd shared classes and drinks with these people and had no idea what state they were actually from. He knew Connor would probably try and force him to call Blaine or Carole or someone but it was still only the early, early hours of the morning and no one in Ohio would have stirred yet. No one would even know that he wasn't there.

His heart gave a twinge and a chill rattled down his spine because he was truly, truly _alone_.

He poked out the fresh SIM card and slipped it into his phone with a soft click. He didn't know what the number was. It was just one of those disposable, prepaid SIMs but it would serve its purpose of allowing him to remove himself from the lives of those in Ohio. It was better this way.

The streets of New York passed in a mutlicoloured blur. He didn't even really notice that they'd stopped until the cabbie rapped on the protective plastic around him to get Kurt's attention.

"Sorry," he mumbled, smiling weakly as he handed over enough cash to cover the charge and the tip, clambering out of the car and staring at the entrance to the apartment complex. He could do this. He _could_.

He barely made it through the front door.

The smell of Rachel's lingering perfume and hair products was stifling after the place had been closed up tight for not even a week. He clung to the frame of the doorway, fumbling his phone out of his pocket and swiping at the only number he had bothered keying in.

"'lo?"

"Shit, I'm sorry. It's not even six, is it? I'm sorry-"

"Kurt?" Tyler's croaky voice gained strength as he woke. "Stop babbling. What's wrong?"

Kurt bit his lip as he stared at the apartment, struggling to even take a single step over the threshold. "I'm b-back. I'm at the apartment. In New York. I…the funeral was yesterday and I had to l-leave."

"Oh Kurt…" Tyler sighed and there was rustling in the background as he moved amongst the sheets of the bed. "Do you need me to come over? Does anyone know you're here?"

"Probably not yet," he whimpered.

"What does that mean?"

"I…I left. I left a note. No one….they weren't home. They didn't come home after the funeral. I…I don't know when they'll find it."

"_Kurt_."

"I'm sorry?" he squeaked, rubbing at the tears on his face.

"Text me your address. I'll be over in, what, half an hour?"

"I'm sorry, Ty."

"Just let me try and help, would you?" The call ended and Kurt scrubbed at the wet screen, tapping out a brief text with the address of the apartment.

He managed to step inside the apartment and shut the door before the couch was practically beckoning for him to collapse against it. So he did. Except the cushions smelled of Rachel and he flung them away with a sob. It was such a familiar place to fall after an exhausting day, a familiar scent that he was becoming increasingly emotional over. He couldn't be sure exactly when he started crying, only that now he _had_, he couldn't seem to stop. He clamped a hand over his mouth, trying to stifle the cries, trying to just stop being such a _baby_.

"Kurt?"

He sniffled, wiping hastily at his cheeks. "It's open."

Tyler cracked the door and saw him slumped over the couch. "Oh Kurt…"

"I'm _sorry_. I know I should have stayed in Lima or made sure they knew I was going or-"

"Shhh." Tyler sank to his knees beside the couch. "It's not too late. You can still call them. You can still explain. You can go back."

Kurt blinked swollen eyes at Tyler. "What if I don't want to?"

Tyler frowned. "Why don't you want to?"

"Because I…I need to get away. It hurt too much being there."

"What happened that was so terrible? I mean, apart from your dad…"

Kurt shook his head, fresh tears welling in his eyes as he thought of the cruel things he'd said at the grave yesterday. His father would be so disappointed.

"Okay, okay, shh…" Tyler awkwardly patted his hand. "Let's come up with something to do. Do you have any ideas?"

"Not really," Kurt mumbled. "I'll apply for student housing but I don't think the admin reopens until after New Year. I don't want to stay here because what if they turn up and come looking for me? I don't really have enough cash on me for a hotel, especially at this time of year, and Josh and Liv are probably away and-"

"Then you can have my couch, as long as you're okay with that."

He felt a little horrible that he'd basically guilt-tripped Tyler into offering that.

"Are you sure?" Tyler was a friend, it was all he'd ever be. He might have run away from Blaine and not really know where their relationship stood, but his heart was still firmly in Ohio.

"Of course. I'm not going to abandon you when you need somewhere to crash til after New Years." Tyler sucked on his lower lip momentarily. "Can I ask you to promise me something though?"

"You can ask me something b-but I can't necessarily promise it…" Kurt shrugged, glancing down at his bitten nails.

Tyler touched his shoulder. "If you…if you feel, y'know, bad...like suicidal, I want you to tell me. If you're freaking out over something, just give me a few words. I don't need to know everything if you don't want to talk. I won't push you." Tyler squeezed at his shoulder. "I just need to know if you're not doing okay as you're acting so I can be there and keep an eye on you if you, um, aren't feeling safe."

"I…I wouldn't do that…" Kurt said, his eyes itching with new tears.

"You sure?" Tyler squeezed his shoulder again.

"I… There was a guy, last year. He um, he attempted to and…I might have run away from everyone and cut them off but…but I wouldn't do that. Not to them."

Tyler didn't look entirely satisfied but nodded. "Alright. So what do you want to do here then?"

Kurt sat up slowly and glanced around. "Basically clear everything out that's distinctly mine, which is mostly my clothes I guess. I don't care about the pictures and trinkets and-"

"You might want pictures."

"No." Kurt shook his head and stood to move towards the bedroom. His bedroom. "Everything hurts so much right now. I…I don't want reminders."

Tyler followed him, pausing in the doorway as he gazed around awkwardly. "What do you want me to do?"

Kurt looked lost as he pushed all the photo frames down so he didn't have to look at the pictures they contained. "I honestly don't know."

So Tyler sat hesitantly on the bed, collecting the photo frames into a pile and sifting through them so he could put some faces to the names Kurt used. He could tell Kurt's father and what he presumed were his stepmother and stepbrother, his thumb dragging slowly over the smile on Kurt's father's face. It didn't seem fair for Kurt to be so young and not have any parents left, and then to run from those who would have willingly extended the definition of family to include him.

"Is this…?" Tyler held up one of the frames and Kurt's gaze flickered over, his jaw tightening to hide the way his lower lip wobbled.

"Yeah."

Tyler stared for probably an unhealthy amount of time at Kurt and who he now knew was Blaine. He was easily attractive and they made a wonderfully complimentary pair. Kurt in his sleek, stylised outfits that radiated a sort of cool detachment, and Blaine, whose grin made his eyes crinkle into nothing and looked so warm and happy as he gripped Kurt's hips.

"He looks nice," he said quietly, but he was looking at the image of Kurt again. Kurt, who looked so free and so happy and completely different from the anxious boy Tyler had always known. It was a surprising sort of contrast.

There was an audible sniff that Tyler ignored for the moment. "He was wonderful."

He paused, looking at where Kurt was folding clothes into a suitcase. "Was?"

"We…God, I don't even know," Kurt hiccupped, brushing the tears off his cheeks. "I was yelling at people, at who they were or weren't in my life and then Blaine was just _there _and…God, Tyler. He looked so heartbroken."

"Did you break it off?"

"I don't know?" Kurt shook his head and turned back to folding up a pair of pants Tyler wasn't sure he'd ever seen Kurt wear, though he didn't see Kurt every day. "Not officially I guess. But…but he c-called me a…" He stared down at his feet, his hands trembling. "A 'selfish, heartless bitch' I believe were his words. I…no, we both screamed some p-pretty horrible things at each other and I h-hit him before Finn pulled me away."

Tyler laid the photos on the bed and moved to stand behind Kurt, hugging him from behind as Kurt started sobbing again.

"I fucked up so bad," Kurt cried, his voice thin as he covered his face.

Feeling utterly lost and powerless, Tyler did his best to calm Kurt down until he was able to finish packing up. It was a slow morning, one riddled with bouts of tears and barely audible explanations that Tyler didn't understand or couldn't hear. He waited for Kurt to move through the rest of the apartment, picking up a few items to take with him but leaving most of the decorative items that were so _Kurt _behind.

"Are you…ready?" Tyler asked, wrinkling his nose. It was silly. Kurt was never going to be ready. Not really. He was still running, but he didn't want to challenge Kurt because at least he'd run and had somewhere to go and someone to call. The last thing he wanted, or that Kurt needed, was suddenly feeling isolated, helpless and hopeless, because it was a terrifying combination that he knew he couldn't handle on his own.

While they waited in silence for the cab to arrive and take Kurt's things to Tyler's small residential flat, roughly six hundred miles away, Carole was unlocking the door to her home. She called Kurt's name, searching through the house and began to feel increasingly uneasy when she discovered he wasn't there. She dropped her keys to the kitchen counter, struggling to remain in control when she saw the neatly folded letter. With hands shaking, she opened it, the tears falling before she'd even read her own name at the top of the paper.

* * *

><p>Days passed in a haze. Tyler fussed over him constantly, bringing him coffee or tea or water, toast with butter or jam or dry. He forced him into the shower at least once a day and stood outside the door to make sure Kurt didn't need anything while he washed himself down. He wasn't as completely out of it as Thanksgiving. He could still register that his father was gone. That he'd left everyone he loved in Ohio for good. But he still felt mechanical, numb, robotic. Nothing quite felt <em>real <em>any more. He kept imagining one morning he'd wake up and be back in Lima and his father would be thundering down the stairs to declare breakfast was ready and could Blaine and he untangle themselves long enough to eat?

But whatever he imagined never happened. Instead he had Tyler hovering, touching his knee, putting the TV on just to create noise in the small apartment when Kurt struggled to give monosyllabic answers. He wasn't even quite sure his eyes were focused enough to pay attention to everything. It really was like a dream, that sort of blurred clarity that feels real at the time but actually feels more like you're underwater when you become more aware that it wasn't real at all.

Except it was real.

Tyler's presence kept reminding him of that much.

When Tyler's words managed to seep into his brain, he blinked blearily around him. New Years? Already? Had it been so long? It explained the hum of noise beyond Tyler's balcony window. It still felt so utterly alien though. He remembered back a year ago when he and Blaine-

No. He wasn't meant to think about it anymore. It hurt too much.

"I don't want to go out," he whispered, fingers curling into the fabric of the blanket as he stared at his socked feet.

"I didn't think you'd want to. Are you cool with pizza tonight?"

He shrugged. He couldn't remember anything beyond toast for days. Had he had other things? Chunks of his memory were missing but he couldn't even muster up the energy to be concerned about it.

Tyler sipped at a few bottles of beer over the course of the evening, encouraging Kurt to eat at least two slices of the pepperoni pizza. It tasted like the toast. Boring. Plain. Cardboard-like. But he ate because he needed to and because Tyler was watching him, and if nothing else he figured he'd made the right choice in going to Tyler because anyone else would have let him wallow and fought with him until he threw a tantrum and he stormed off. Kind of like he had after the fun- No.

The noise outside seemed to increase the closer midnight got, so different from the quiet Kurt had always experienced in Lima. Of course they'd had the broadcast of New York showing but it was always too cold and miserable to bother going out, so he'd always stayed in. It wasn't like that in New York. He wondered if it was possible to get any sleep tonight when there was such a cacophony of noise surrounding him.

He knew when the ball dropped more because of the explosion of cheers and screams beyond the window than actually paying attention to the TV. Noise seemed to penetrate the haze more than visuals. His ability to taste anything was gone. He barely noticed smells. He figured the apartment could be on fire and he wouldn't smell it burning. He probably wouldn't feel it either. He shied away from Tyler's touches more than he ordinarily did. It was like if the person he wanted to touch him wasn't alive anymore to do so, he didn't want anyone being tactile.

At some point, he must have drifted off to sleep, regardless of the world continuing on outside. His half-asleep mind registered that he was laying down on the couch, the blankets tucked around him tightly, a pillow plump beneath his head. He didn't remember closing his eyes. He wasn't sure if he'd fallen asleep laying down or if Tyler had adjusted him when he'd realised Kurt had dozed off. Maybe it didn't matter.

He closed his eyes and slept on.

* * *

><p>"I called building admin this morning."<p>

His gaze drifted to Tyler, noticing how fuzzy he seemed around the edges. Did he need glasses? Would that help his appalling ability to see?

"I'm happy to continue looking after you because it's pretty clear to me you can't take care of yourself right now, but at some point you need to sleep on a proper bed and gain back some of your independence."

A bed sounded good. The couch wasn't doing much for his spine. The independence part didn't. Tyler was right. He couldn't take care of himself right now and the idea of being alone meant he could quite possibly sleep the entire day and miss classes, miss meals, miss basic hygiene.

"They keep a few spare rooms for emergency situations, apparently. And of course there's those that graduate mid-year and don't come back," Tyler continued, his voice gentle but steady, firm. "So I asked them to put a hold on one of the rooms for you which is a couple of floors down. I can still come over and help you as much as you need, but do you think it might be something you want to do?"

He nodded. Then shrugged. It didn't really matter to him anyway. The only thing that sounded like it would be different was a bed and he wasn't going to turn that down.

"Fine. Whatever." Was that his voice? It sounded so raspy. He didn't remember crying enough that he would have worn out his vocal cords. Maybe it was just disuse.

"Okay. I can work with that," Tyler said, touching his knee briefly as he stood. "I'll arrange to get the keys and stuff and maybe we can set about moving you in during this week so by the weekend, you're pretty much settled."

He'd been in New York a week already and it didn't feel like he'd settled anywhere. He still felt swallowed up by grief and shock. But if it made Tyler happy and he scored a comfortable mattress, he'd take the deal. Maybe being forced into taking care of himself would enable him to get back on track.

It sounded like hollow reasoning even to him.

* * *

><p>If there was one thing that Kurt could see during his emotional blindness, it was that Tyler was exceptionally helpful. He didn't push Kurt to the brink of an argument but he was able to coax Kurt into doing things that might have irritated him if it had been anyone else, like eating and drinking and showering.<p>

He helped move the basics of Kurt's belongings into his new apartment, not complaining when Kurt sat on a stool and watched with disinterest as Tyler unpacked some of his bags. He'd noted the apartment was pretty empty. The mattress that remained smelled and the couch didn't seem sanitary either.

"Do they belong to Tisch?" Kurt asked when Tyler handed him a dozen coat hangers.

"The bed and couch? Not that I know of," Tyler said. "They kind of reek, don't they?"

Kurt nodded, slipping his clothes dutifully onto a hanger and then passing it to Tyler to put in the closet.

"Do you…" Tyler glanced at Kurt's empty hands and gave him another set of hangers. "Do you want to go out tomorrow and get stuff for this place? You can stay on my couch for one more night and we'll get everything sorted tomorrow."

Kurt wrinkled his nose at the idea of going out, being around people, but maybe it would be a good thing. He'd shop carefully, only buying the essentials. He didn't need a TV because he'd never really watched it when he roomed with Rachel. Crockery and cutlery, groceries, a bed, a decent couch or two arm chairs, a few decorative things to make it feel less cold and clinical. His eyes roved over the small space as he made mental lists of what he needed. For the first time in nearly two weeks, he felt a little spark of life at having something purposeful to do.

From Tyler's small smile, it seemed like he knew it too.

* * *

><p>"Are we done yet?" Tyler complained, rolling his neck and shoulders before cracking his fingers. "I'm <em>exhausted<em>."

"What sort of gay guy are you if you don't like to shop?" Kurt said. It wasn't entirely true, of course. Blaine wasn't much for shopping except when he was promised bowties or cardigans in payment.

"It doesn't matter if I'm gay or not. I'm still a _guy_, and guys don't like shopping."

Kurt paused, raising an eyebrow as he stared at Tyler.

"Okay, _most _guys then," Tyler amended. "So. Are we done?"

Kurt pulled the small notepad out of his pocket, running his finger down the list of items. "I think so. The bed is arriving tomorrow so can I sleep on your couch another night?"

Tyler shrugged. "What's one more night after so long?"

Kurt knew Tyler meant it to be blasé but he felt a stab of guilt. It _had_ been a while. Almost two weeks. Two weeks since his father had died. Two weeks since he'd fled. Two weeks since he'd really felt any strong emotion. Two weeks since anyone had heard from him. They'd all know by now of course, but did they care? Blaine would be back at McKinley and Rachel would probably be returning to New York sometime this week to prepare for the spring semester. He was going about setting up a new life without them. Were they doing the same?

For the first time since he'd started staying with Tyler, he cooked dinner. It was a pretty simple chicken stir-fry with noodles but his body was craving something other than take-out, something fresh and filled with vegetables. He was pretty sure he had a couple of ulcers in his mouth from the lack of green things in his diet. Tyler didn't seem to protest as Kurt took over his kitchen, and the methodical chopping of items almost felt like some sort of routine that was well-known and comfortable.

His emotions still felt blunted but for the first time when he laid down on Tyler's couch, he noticed that there was a lumpy spring that pressed into his thigh. He was more aware that his stomach was full and the taste of the sauce he'd added to the stir-fry still lingered on his tongue rather than the bland taste of nothing he had been enduring with the food Tyler had been feeding him. The fog that had blanketed his recognition of the world around him had lifted a little.

* * *

><p>The delivery of the items he'd purchased the day began with the bed and ended with three lamps, one for the small living room and two for the bedroom. The two men who brought the bed in removed the old one at his request, much like the two who delivered the arm chairs later in the day and took the stinky couch with them. Tyler helped him with the nuts and bolts and screws for the bed frame, pointing at the diagram and passing him what he needed at the appropriate time. He could have told Tyler he didn't need the help, that he was perfectly capable of working with his hands and putting things together after the amount of times he'd stripped cars down and fixed them back up, but it gave Tyler a reason to hang around and keep him company. He couldn't begrudge Tyler that.<p>

The apartment still felt too small and empty, but the smell was dissipating with the open windows and it felt distinctly more like a _Kurt _space rather than something that had been hastily abandoned with questionably used items left behind. It was another easy night of toasted sandwiches for dinner, but Tyler didn't complain (actually he asked for more but Kurt pointed at the empty turkey packet which Tyler pouted in disappointment over) before giving Kurt a reassuring squeeze to his arm and departing.

It felt strange to realise he was alone. Tyler had been around him almost non-stop but now he could focus on the silence within the apartment and spread his awareness out to hear the garble of a TV on one side of him and the horns and squeal of tires outside the window. For once, the loneliness didn't scare him. It felt comforting, like embracing an old friend. He no longer had expectations of how he should act or mustering up the effort to attempt to appease Tyler.

If nothing else, the feel of a proper mattress supporting his spine felt like _heaven_ and he was asleep within minutes, the usual chatter in his mind silenced by the overwhelming peace.

* * *

><p>"Olivia and Josh are back," Tyler announced a few days before class was set to resume. "So is Cody but um, I wasn't sure if you wanted to see him."<p>

Kurt looked up from where he was buffing his nails. He hated how utterly brutal he'd been to them during the short amount of time his father had been in the hospital and he was paying the price now with the rough edges and calcium spots he'd developed from his poor diet while with Tyler. He didn't dare return to school with such broken nails.

"Are you going to see them?" he said when it became clear that Tyler wasn't going to add any more details.

"Of course. Liv wanted to know what was up with you because your number didn't connect when she tried calling."

"Oh." The only numbers he'd programmed in were Tyler and Connor, and he hadn't called Connor yet either. "Sure. Are there any particular plans?"

"Josh wanted us to go to their place tomorrow night if you were up for it."

Kurt filed his nail into a gentle curve. "Do they know?"

"I explained to Olivia that you'd had to change your number for personal reasons. The rest was up to whether you wanted to tell them."

He nodded as he put the file to one side and picked up the bottle of nail varnish. "Okay."

"Okay?" Tyler sounded stunned.

"Yeah. Okay."

Tyler scrunched his nose at the smell that began to permeate the room. "That stuff is foul."

"It's good for your nails though."

"Brussels sprouts are good for you too but you don't find me eating those."

Kurt painted thin stripes of polish onto his nails. "Really? You're one of those people that doesn't like Brussels sprouts?"

"You like them?"

"I eat pretty much everything," Kurt shrugged, dropping the brush into the bottle to pick up the file and get rid of a bump he'd missed.

"Figures."

Picking out an outfit the following night almost felt like a normal experience. It had been nearly a month now and he knew he hadn't really dealt with his grief but he had found a routine that worked for him. He was aware Tyler still worried he wasn't taking care of himself, but he moved through the day by eating at regular, precise intervals. He showered after breakfast and went for a walk after lunch which involved buying ingredients for dinner. Tyler tended to stop by for dinner so then they chatted in the evening. He'd be in bed by eleven and asleep by twelve and wake promptly at eight the following morning. Going out tonight would be the first time he'd disrupted that routine since settling in the apartment more than a week ago.

He knew what to expect from the evening in terms of dressing, but he still felt underdressed in his jeans, buttoned shirt and plain vest with his warm winter coat to brave the wintery chill of New York. He huddled nearer to Tyler as they walked. It wasn't so much the slush beneath his feet but the wind that whistled along the streets, bouncing between buildings and rushing down alleyways to get under the collar of his coat and chill him down the length of his spine.

"I don't think I've ever been so happy to arrive at Liv and Josh's," Tyler exclaimed, shivering beneath his own jacket as he pushed the button for the elevator through his pockets. Kurt had to agree as he hugged his arms around his waist.

Josh answered the door but Olivia was right behind him, squealing and shoving him out of the way to hug Tyler and then hold Kurt at arm's length.

"Have you lost weight?"

Kurt shifted on his feet and frowned. "I don't think so."

"Hmm." She cupped his cheek, tracing over the faint lavender circles beneath his lines. "I'm not going to force you to talk but if you need someone, you know I'm here, right?"

"At least let him through the door first, Oli," Josh teased.

She scowled over her shoulder at him before turning her attention back to Kurt. "And I'd better get this new number of yours, okay?"

He nodded and she tugged him into the apartment. It was so warm that his face felt like it was hit with an open flame of fire but it was totally fantastic because he was so horribly cold. Cody was on the floor, propped up against a wall with a bottle of cider in his hand. He saw Kurt and then immediately lowered his eyes and Kurt wasn't quite sure what to say to him either, so he stayed quiet.

"What are you boys drinking?" Josh asked from the counter of the kitchen.

Tyler accepted a cider but Kurt waved his hand at the bottle of Coke. He still remembered the shocking hangover he'd had after the party just before he'd gone back to Lima. He had no intention of drinking for a while. And he feared that if he started drowning his problems in alcohol, he'd end up in a place that he wouldn't be able to come back from.

He didn't participate much in the conversation, even when Olivia tried to coax him in with direct, open-ended questions. His gaze flitted between them but he had no particular interest in adding to the conversation, so he nursed his Coke and stared out the window.

Tyler sidled over to him. "Do you want to go?"

He smiled weakly. "I'm sorry. I just…I don't know how to act at the moment."

"You came. I'm pretty sure that means something." Tyler's hand brushed over his arm. "But if you don't feel comfortable, we can go."

Kurt shrugged and swirled the dark Coke in his cup. It reminded him of when Sam had sung _Red Solo Cup _and Blaine had been so cheerful he'd wondered if Blaine was high. No. He had to stop thinking about Blaine. It hurt too much.

"Kurt?" Olivia cleared a spot on the coffee table in front of him and plonked herself down. "I know we're not like, best friends or anything. But I can tell something's wrong and I just…I want to press you again to talk to me."

"Liv…"

"Shush, Tyler. I can tell you know what's going on because you knew how to contact Kurt," Olivia said, her eyes narrowed. "What happened? Did something happen in Lima? Did you break up with your boy?"

"Oli-"

Kurt's fingers crumpled the cup he was holding, the small amount of liquid left in the bottom splattering his jeans. Ordinarily he might have flown into a rage, yelling and screaming at her that it was none of her business. Instead, he just felt fear. He wanted to tell her but it was still personal and he couldn't quite form the sentences to explain.

"Kurt? Hey…" Tyler gripped his knee. "Don't go there. Come on."

He felt his heart stuttering in his chest as Olivia eased the cup from his hands and replaced it with her own.

"I- I can't…I…"

"Okay, I'm sorry." Olivia squeezed his fingers as her thumbs brushed over his knuckles. "It's fine. You don't need to talk."

Tears pricked his eyes as Tyler's arm slid across the back of his shoulders. "My…my um, my dad…he…he died…"

It was the first time he'd really said it to someone since it had happened. It felt like he'd been thrown back a month and it was all happening again. The dam inside him was starting to crack but he still refused to cry.

"Oh God, Kurt. I never would have- Come here," Olivia whispered, pulling him into an awkward hug. It was different from hugging other people. Olivia was a little plump which made her cuddlier and she wasn't someone that pulled back after a few seconds. She held on and rubbed his back and even though he felt miserable, he still couldn't bring himself to completely break down and sob pathetically into her shoulder.

In fact, she seemed to be crying more than him.

Well. That was a little awkward.

"Olivia, I'm not a human tissue," he complained, pushing her away until he was sinking back into the sofa and she was dabbing at her eyes and apologising. Josh crouched beside her and linked his hand between hers. Kurt glanced around until he met Cody's steady gaze from his spot on the floor. He felt like a performer with an audience he didn't want, except it was Olivia that was in tears.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Josh said, slipping into a cross-legged position beside the coffee table.

Yes. No. Never. Always. "He had a stroke. There wasn't much they could do."

"Oh sweetie…" Olivia accepted the tissue Josh handed her and blew her nose. "I'm so sorry."

"It's fine." It wasn't. Of course it wasn't. But what else was he meant to say?

"And you still came back?" Josh said, tilting his head to one side. "I would have expected you to stay in Lima with your family."

"I don't have any family. My dad was all I had."

"I thought you had a stepmother?"

"She's not my family," Kurt snapped, feeling a stirring of the rage he'd had at the gravesite a month ago.

Olivia touched his knee. "What about Blaine?"

Kurt looked away.

"You changed your number for pers- Kurt, you _didn't_!"

He glowered at Olivia. "Don't judge me."

"How could you run? You need your friends and-"

"Shut up." Cody stumbled to his feet, the empty cider bottle clunking to the floor. "He said not to judge him. Don't start lecturing him on his ways of coping. They mightn't be the best but it's Kurt's life and if he abandoned Ohio, then we need to be here for him instead."

Kurt wanted to shoot Cody a grateful smile but there was still a lingering weirdness after he'd been kissed so he looked down at his hands.

Olivia sighed and apologised. "We're here if you need, got it?"

He nodded and reached for Tyler's hand. "Can we leave now?"

"Hold on, you two aren't-"

"No! God no," Tyler said, giving Olivia's knee a little shove. "He needed a place to crash so he stayed at lodgings with me. He's got his own place now but it's part of the same complex."

Olivia didn't look entirely convinced but accepted it. It wasn't a lie anyway. "I want your phone so I can put my number in it. Gimme."

Kurt handed it over as she tapped in her details. He heard a chime somewhere in the apartment.

"Just making sure I've got your new digits," she said, giving it back. "You call me anytime, okay?"

He nodded again and let her hug him, let Josh touch his arm and Cody give him a wave. Tyler kept a firm grip on his waist as they walked the blocks back to college housing, feeling increasingly tired as his body struggled to stay warm in the cold.

Tyler walked him to the door of his apartment and watched as he let himself in. "I'm glad you came out tonight."

Kurt had a flash of memory from last year's Regionals but stamped it down as he flicked on the light to his apartment. "I guess I'm glad I did too. I can't hide from everyone."

"Do you ever think about contacting them?" Tyler leaned against his bedroom's doorjamb. "I can't speak for everyone but I'm sure Blaine is worried sick."

Kurt shook his head, shrugging out of his coat and returning it to its place in the closet. "I just can't, Ty. I just…I can't."

"Okay." Tyler hugged him briefly. "I'm never going to force you into anything."

"Thank you," Kurt murmured, twisting his hands together as he walked Tyler to the front door. Tyler dipped his head and headed towards the elevator.

Kurt shut the door with a click and locked it, letting his head thump against the wood. He only had a handful of days before class resumed. He needed to focus. He probably should call Connor.

Try as he might, his thoughts kept drifting to what Blaine might be doing in Lima without him.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Usual apologies for Uni work crushing me and not getting more written so here, have my spare chapter while chapter nine continues to languish at half-complete. I'm on break for now but juggling prac teaching and lesson planning, so I'm not _entirely _free. Quick reminders that this is _not_ a Kurt/OC story so Tyler is _just a friend. _I promise.

Also on the front of getting a room - I had a review some chapters back about NYU and how it's not overly supportive at times. Honestly I wouldn't have a clue and while I respect that and I've tried to be as realistic as possible, I obviously have to bend some stuff so Kurt has a place to sleep that is his own space to grieve and/or relax.

To those of you who are still reading, thank you as always x I'm indebted to you for your ability to handle the angst!


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